-Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to help check her balance. So I pushed her over.
-My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, finally I had to take his bike away.
-Why is Peter Pan always flying? He neverlands.
-A woman walks into a library and asked if they had any books about paranoia. The librarian says "They're right behind you!"
-My friend says to me: "What rhymes with orange" I said: "No it doesn't"
-What do you call a guy with a rubber toe? Roberto.