***I constantly edit and update this***
I am a proud cat mom.
He is my pride and joy and I pray he lives to be 100 years old.
I love him with all my ♡.
I feel like my profile is all around the place and so, so sloppy since I keep inserting text in any space...
Before you go any further, as a Muslim male reading this, please think very hard about if a your wife or spouse can't have any children, what would you do? If you've thought hard about this and have decided that you'd divorce her then, don't bother reading any further or considering sending me a message. Marriage is a supposed to be a forever ordeal so if I found out that my supposeth other half is unable to have kids, I certainly won't just dismiss them. But then again, I'm not you and there's nothing wrong with someone who isn't like me. But i have considered this, and thought to myself, 'well, there are other ways around that.', so life moves one and everyone is somewhat happy.
Simply put: Don't bother messaging me if you're the type of guy who will divorce his wife if she can't have kids. I saw a couple once in which the wife just couldn't have a child and the way he treated her and disgraced her role as a woman...I will never forget it. It's because of this that it occurred to me that I could be like that woman and so I'm really just trying to avoid a could-be scenario. Only Allah knows a person's destiny.
I am...mentally stable in my absolute belief in the existence of Allah and hellfire. If anything else about me, I know this for sure, my mind is not easily swayed when it comes to Islam. I may not like or agree with a lot of things within this religion but Allah knows best so I just bare it with a smile and accept it. I'm only strong in my mind and for a female, that's enough.
I'm the sort of girl that you can take out to various functions and I'm *exceptional* at playing particular characters. I talk on an array of subjects and what I dont know can easily catch on and spin it so much so that I can make it look like I know more than I actually do but inside that confident seemingly manner... There's a whole chaotic mess inside. If you've ever seen the TV series Legion and how David destroyed his entire apartment in a fit of unbound madness? Then that's me. Inside my head. You obviously can't see it, but it *right* there
As a person, I have a very friendly, playful and very polite disposition and like to help when I can but because of that I can come off as a fool at times and people here take advantage of that so I'm currently learning how to be mean and cold, lol. I also have a fearful and highly cautious nature that in some ways I feel have restricted me in being more aggressive and strong when it comes to people outside who have a tendency to either treat me low or pass me over. I don't like feeling scared, intimidated, or belittled. I feel like that a lot and have no interest in a spouse that incures that in me.
I respect a person's privacy and boundaries and HATE it when someone does the opposite to me. If you have something you don't want me to touch or some door I shouldn't go in, trust me when I say I won't even bother to intrude. I love my space and privacy and will CERTAINLY grant you yours without you even having to voice it.
I consider myself boring but its mainly because I dont like going out much and dont divulge myself in today's haram activities, but I'm content with that and don't care what people think about me since hellfire is very, very real. I'm someone who can keep secrets and believe that if someone tells you something you'd better die than tell another soul without consulting the person first.
I like routine because it is safe and predictable. I hate surprises and risks. I do not enjoy unexpected and unplanned situations.
I'm passionate about victims of abuse; this eats my soul whenever I hear about someone (woman) being unjustly hurt. I don't like frantisism or Muslims who are hypocrites. I used to believe that as long as a person is Muslim, you can trust your soul to them, then I realized years later that it was only myself and family that was like that. The world and its people have gone bleak. You really can't trust people despite their reglious affiliations. I'm a wholly considerate person, as I like to put myself in peoples shoes to better understand them and why they are who they are. I'm a great gamble to talk to without being judged right away. I'm highly reasonable. Unlike most females who act up and can't be talked or reasoned with, I'm the exact opposite. My greatest gift and blessing from Allah is my ability to be perceptive. Its the one thing I'm somewhat arrogant about.
I look at marriage as a near binding commitment. Which means I have NO DESIRE to get divorced or have that hanging over my head. When I get married the guy and I will strive to maintain our marriage through communication, respect, and perceptive consideration. I want a man that basically understands that women are inferior and to be blunt, in this world we dont have much going on for ourselves except for what we are given. It's annoying and pathetic but I want someone who gives me security and someone who will value me above all others. I know that's very hard to look for because men have never been worthy in my eyes, but if the Prophet's (pbuh) existed before... Then there must be someone worthwhile somewhere in the world.
Just to clarify, I'm not looking for *love* just someone in which our goals and interests align and I'd rather be lifetime friends with a spouse than all this 'true love' nonsense. Obviously if I can get love and convenience too, then Allhamduliah!
I'm a practical person after all and have a tendency to plan for all negatives...so pessimistic as well
No known diseases that I'm aware of, Thank God. I value my health above everything.
I'm a virgin and have never been in close intimate proximity with any male I.e. no kissing, hand holding, etc. I'm untouched, to coin the word. This is due to my morals regardless of Islam, and I'm not cheap, loose, or the type of girl to sell myself like that. Females don't have much value in a world of men, and the few things we do have such as being pious and virginal are what makes us more valuable than the common people.
I have trypanophobia and tomophobia also known as the extreme 'irrational' fear of needles and medical procedures, respectively. Run away now.
First of all, I'm a believer of gender roles so Im conservative, and traditional in the sense that man works, woman stays at home. If I want work at some time in my life that's my decision but no man is going to force me into working.
I'm not going to fight you in your role as a man, please go ahead and take the lead, I'll follow you. I have this intense fear of myself because I dont want a man to take advantag of me. I am weak by nature, fear too easily, and dont like scary things. I dont want to become an empty shell and fade away.
Leave now if I've ruined your vision of me.
I'm not a modern girl but here's the good thing, as there's more females then males, so I'm not special hence you can go find someone else. ^_^
I dont want a 24/7 serious man or someone who expects extreme accuracy or someone who cannot *breathe* and relax. If I can't joke with you or make comments about something and you automatically tense up and go all 'haram police' on me....we will never get along.
I'm looking to be a housewife and nothing more. Maybe I'd get bored down the line, but I doubt that highly. I do understand why females are going away from that...men are unreliable and dangerous. It's so much easier to get rid of a woman who solely relies on her husband for security and shelter...so I'm looking for a man who isn't like that. A monster, I mean. A woman scorned is a scary thing. Our words have power. And Allah sees all.
I'm a rarity in a common mainstream world and likely even in times past. I fear pain, physical pain so much that it's actually not healthy. I dont like needles or hospitals or anything medical. I'm a firm believer in herbs and the power of Duas! OK, that sounds a bit lame to start with but its the truth.
I like to talk a lot and because of that, I can sound crazy and stupid.
I can get pretty depressed sometimes when I get emotionally hurt or see something evil, though you'd never know unless you looked at my eyes. The world outside is filled with so much sin that I can't hold all the misery in my heart that I at times go in my room and cry for hours.
In general I'm a lazy person and I mean LAZY but just need a kind nudge to get things done.
I'm not looking for love but rather a man who wants a true companion, a gal who isn't swayed by material things though I'm not cheap or interested in poverty lol.
I see the world for what it is (so sorry in advance for my morbid POV) and I have a tendency to think negative of most people and the world at large. I want a husband that can save me and protect me from the darkness, myself, and hellfire.
I'm antisocial by nature and literally can live in the four corners of my home and be absolutely content but have no aversion to going out with my spouse from time to time. If we marry, your family is going to end up talking about me, about how 'disrespectful' and weird I am because if they visit, I'll likely hide out some place and never go out to allow them inside the house. I'm trying to work on that but it may be a lose cause.
I love cats very much and due to my utter fear of pain and needles, I doubt I'd be the girl you're looking for if you want a bundle of kids. If Allah permits me, I'd maybe but unlikely will allow myself to have one child.
If I'm not able to have kids for whatever reason I'd like to do the Muslim version of adoption for my sake alone and as such will allow my husband to marry a second wife as long as she lives in a separate home from me.
In my free time, which is a lot, I read a lot of manga, fantasy books I.e. I'm a major bibliophile, practice or rather try to mimic kpop idol dances in the mirror, play with my cats, and divulge myself DEEPLY in fan fiction repeatedly.
I enjoy musicals, plays, live performances, the theater and show tunes. I live for them and have never, unfortunately been able to attend them.
If you can handle me, I promise you you'll get a woman who is loyal, someone who definitely won't ever expose your secrets, someone who will keep you healthy at all costs, someone who you can confide in and someone who can hype you up and emotionally support you.
I'm a true believer in honor and faithfulness to one's spouse and expect the same.
What I'd want in a spouse is a few simple but hard to find things, such as:
-Reassurances. I'm in near constant need of them. I think my selfesteem is alright, but as a female who unfortunately sees that my value in comparison to men...is low, I need reassurances to keep me going and to allow me to not only appreciate myself but like you as well. A simple 'thank you' when I do things for you I.e. serving your food, goes a very long way for me.
-A listener. I talk a lot and that can get tiring and I like to express myself with words so please be a listener and listen to me without judgement and keep an open mind.
-Affection. I...did not get this growing up. It's complicated. But internally I'm weak. I know this, so I'd want someone who gives affection easily without being prompted preferably. I won't turn it away and (sometimes) I just want someone to hug me and tell me nice things. I want affection. That's it.
-A protector. Again, this all concludes with gender roles and should he instinctual. I want a man who will guard me and offer me security and protection when I'm threatened. I'm not above calling for my husband to resolve my issues or defend me.
[Will add more at a later time]
I dont like change, big cities, or technology much except for some.
My ideal perfect life is to live in a country side, with a simple and dull, boring life without drama or complications but certainly not in poverty. I also have this cute 1950s vision as well.
I also have a sweet tooth, but any guy who marries me is going to be subject to my nagging him about eating healthy and pretty please just indulge me. My health anxiety can get VERY intense. I'll probably want to play with your hair if you have any and jump on your back for fun and talk and debate about fictional characters.
I also must have my own room to myself. I love my privacy and truly can't stand being around people sometimes. Hence my antisocial/homebody disposition. Heh.
I get triggered when someone yells at me, so to my dear future spouse, be a quiet unsuspecting man, never raise your voice at me, and never try to intimidate me. Ever.
My ideal muslim husband must be HONORABLE above all else, someone who is naturally docile but not a pushover, someone who thrives on communication and never raises his voice at me or direspects my personal boundaries, someone who has IMMENSE patience with me I.e. can handle a typically eccentric, sometimes highly emotional but abnormally rational human female, and someone who already has or had a wife and kids so that if I, myself, chooses to no want to bear the miserable burden of childbirth or can't have kids for whatever reason (but a man who for mysake, if the situation should arise if that is Allah's will, will be open-minded enough to allow me to adopt a child for my sanity), you and I won't have a freak out or a divorce. I just want a husband who likes me, understands me, and someone I can truly trust who won't ever put me down. He must be friendly, affectionate, a bit quirky, quiet, and mature without being intimidating. I can't hold a grudge so you shouldn't either.
Oh and he must love cats. That is a major deal breaker.
MY FLAWS/FAULTS (some of them truly can be worked on but I'm not sure how and OBVIOUSLY the lazy issue will have to change when I get married at least for the first few years...)
1. I'm irrevocably lazy. Or rather mentally lazy. If I had it my way, I'd do nothing all day. Literally. It's disturbing.
2. I'm easily hurt emotionally, so I have no interest in a man who uses his words or fists to manipulate, control, or hurt me.
3. I'm antisocial and an introvert to the purest and truest sense of the word.
4. I have high anxiety, likely due to some form of trauma? Or I could naturally be like this. Who knows? I worry and get stressed quickly, lol.
5. I have trypanophobia + tomophobia...also know as the extreme and 'irrational' fear and aversion of needles and medical procedures respectively.
6. I have a bit of a deviant nature towards force and forced authority. With me, coaxing and giving me the illusion of having an escape and open option is the best and effective way to get me to do things.
7. I'm socially awkward and shy at times.
8. When I get nervous, I tend to loose breath and talk idly and rampantly... Like a freight train.
9. I have near constant word vomit i.e. I talk faster than a speedster and don't know when to stop even though my mind is giving me obvious cues to shut the hell up.
10. To counteract #9 up there, I have a tendency to loose interest in people and things quickly... Look back to #1. I just have to make the commitment and effort is all.
11. I'm triggered by any yelling and loud angry, aggressive voices. So dear future husband, you better be a quiet, docile man.
12. I can't handle too much pressure or stress, cue #4.
13. I personally do not like certain expectations that society and men pressure on females...or rather myself. I can't control my own body, destiny, fate, or luck.
14. I can't hold a grudge. That should be a good thing, but in this dark world we live in, I'm considered a fool, lol
15. I'm a bit prejudice and judgmental with certain races and people.
16. I'm TERRIFIED of childbirth and have no idea who would want me to be honestly.
17. I get frustrated quickly when things don't go my right away.
18. I RARELY get angry but I do get annoyed and irritated with people in compensation.
All these here may seem...unattractive, but please take a look st yourself and don't be arrogant or shy away from your truth. We all have unsavory antics and ways about ourselves. But as long as we can work around them to do better and can acknowledge them, none of it should be an issue. Marriage is a big deal, a life binding ritual and I don't want to deceive anyone on here, especially if I meet a guy I think is tolerable, so I'm being as open as a privacy coveting individual can be. Those ARE the major and only most prominent flaws you'd likely see in me long-term in the real world. I expect a list of your worst and truest flaws/faults as well
MY GREATEST AND BEST ATTRIBUTES
1. I am loyal. In a world where morals are diminishing rapidly, loyalty is something I value a lot and its just not in my nature to flip sides so quickly.
2. I am faithful. If you hear the amount of times Ive argued, yelled at my parents, strangers, and worthless people (my parents aren't worthless btw!) about spouses who cheat on one another...My God, you'd get an earful. I LOATH that type of behavior and the punishment should be torture till death
3. I am trustworthy. As a Muslim and a descent human being, how hard and complicated is it to not steal from someone who gives you their property to hold for safekeeping? I don't steal, or cheat people out of their money, and there have been times! But again, its not in my nature to do so. I got that from my father. And evil people treat him like a fool. But, there's always hellfire for those type of jerks! You can trust me with money, I certainly won't touch it. At all. As well as your secrets. I just can't wrap my head around people who do that...
4. I'm very introspective and perspective in observing and comprehending people and their choices.
5. I try not to instantly judge others right away and prefer to hear and see all sides of the story before I come up with an end result.
6. I'm one of the few people in this world who is trying so hard to keep my mind, thoughts, and morals upheld and keeping up my self value. The self value part is easy when I think about myself and compare them to other less fortunate people.
7. When I wear makeup...and wander about in the sun (yuck), I look rather lovely sometimes.
8. I believe in honor above all other values. When you loose this, everything tends to fall flat after.
9. I truly fear hellfire, the shaitan, the End Times, tribulations, and tragedies. I get angry at Allah (s.w.t.) for promising this world's destruction. I want no part in it. Why do I have to suffer with every other evil doer?
10. I have an innate aversion to haram societal ongoings in the world at large.
11. I think its a good thing when a Muslim, but a woman especially, can freely and surely say that they fear death and all its torments. I am one of those people.
12. My mind is extraordinarily solid when it comes to belief in Islam. This material world does not fool me. I'm too aware of it and the consequences are not worth it.
I showed you mine, show me yours. *wink wink*
...yea, I'm pretty lame, lol.
SUPERFICIAL/GENERAL THINGS I LIKE + THINGS THAT MAKE ME INSTANTLY HAPPY
2. Being in a clean environment
3. Giving to charity (especially food) and aiding women + children *exclusively*
4. Motivational/Uplifting talks that inspire (giving and receiving)
5. Hugs (giving and receiving)
6. Head massages (giving and receiving)
7. Massages (giving)
8. Listening to music (I'm very selective)
9. Being alone in my room
10. Staying at home
11. Going out to eat (and sometimes, rarely shopping)
12. Dressing up (when the odd mood strikes...its pretty exhausting afterwards)
13. Romance (I suppose I like the concept of it, but I'm too much of a realist to get into the headspace of it)
14. Writing (I told myself that when I get married, I'll pin myself down and finish up the half done manuscripts/drafts I've thrown aside due to loosing interest and jumping straight into something new)
15. Reading parts of the hadith that give me hope in the dark world we live in.
16. Trees and any plant life...I want my own garden one day.
17. Chocolate! It makes me INSTANTLY happy.
PET PEEVES (What Annoys me)
1. Smacking and chewing food with your mouth open and loudly.
2. Touching my things. I can't stress enough about this. I don't want I conceive as my own property or 'territory' to be touched or entered. I'm a private individual and do not like any part of my being and items being touched unless you ask first.
3. Sweat. It's gross. So take a bath or splash water on yourself first before coming anywhere near me.
4. Talking in the mornings. This isn't much of a pet peeve but rather something I'm not fond of. But if you do it, its ok. I'm here to listen. Don't fret.
5. Don't drag things that make screeching noises. Its bothersome to my ears and teeth, if they had their own mind.
6. People who don't forgive easily. Just...why? I hate those who hold grudges. Go die already and take your petty hate to hell with you.
7. Stingy people. It's fine to be careful with money and things, but to pinch every single cent? Not healthy and not good.
8. Greedy anything.
9. New age losers and any upcoming religions that aren't Sunni Islam or the original people of the scripture Christianity.
10. The phrases: "You do you.", " Be yourself", etc. It's so mind numbing and false in every satanic sense because it all concludes the freaks that Islam really doesn't even recognize.
11. People who push their ideas and (usually haram) lifestyle on others who absolutely do NOT want to be apart of.
12. Incomprehensible people. If I can't talk to you and you don't want to or 'can't' bother to make the effort to see through my point of view, I cannot stand creatures like that.
13. I don't like my personal space being invaded. Ever.
14. I hate those who gossip and can't hold secrets.
15. I don't like falsely moral people. Don't be a preacher who doesn't practice what he preaches.
16. The modern man. He is the cause of today's destruction. Allah gave man dominion over females...and still he is not only weak but apparently wretched and heartless in his ways. Cattle cannot herd themselves, only herdsmen. And when the herdsmen look away for even a second...the cattle scatter. Just simple, plain logic.
17. Women in general. Most females are either stupid, petty, dark, or two faced harpies.
18. Humanity irritates me a lot of times
19. Nigerian people. It's more a hate than anything.
20. People who don't back off when you've clearly told them to stop.
21. Water/towel on the floor. *Cue murder vibes* please, dont be someone who tracks water on the floors and purposely leave your towels on the floors. Just don't. Please.
I hear so many men complain about the females on this site, about how they only seek finances and superficial looks, etc. And that irritates me. For all the men out here, please, I know its near impossible to be able to live as a woman mentally, but understand this: women will always suffer the most. This is man's world. He is given dominion and he always gains more. The smartest women who aren't love sick fools and have a brain in their heads, know that their value in comparison to men are low to nonexistent. I love Islam. I fear it more. And it makes me so angry sometimes but Allah (swt) knows best and that is the only thing keeping me going. Women can only afford to go up and not down. And even then, she is on a knives edge away from being replaced and divorced by her husband for any small thing. If you can't comprehend that, then I feel so sorry for myself and others. I know the common woman is...repulsive and small minded but its instinct to want to have some form of worth in the chance that she will be thrown aside like a used rag piece. There are horror stories of men kicking their wives out. Have you heard of a man being kicked out? No. And if he is, he can still and will always survive in this world. Man is ignorant in his power and has a tendency, knowingly and unknowingly, to abuse it. I'm sure you're all enraged reading this, but the men out here who have some sort of compassion and understanding deep down in their supposed 'hearts', wherever that is, will be sympathetic.
I've decided to give myself about 2-3 years to make a genuine connection on here
I know that marriage consists of a lot of compromising and as much as I'd love it if I could control things primarily, I understand that it's not possible without there being chaos. I hate chaotic, messy, complicated things.
So here's a deal: If you can tolerate me, deal with or can capably handle my faults, I can deal and handle pretty much anything you throw at me. There's a great many things I can let aside and compromise on as long as you have patience, never or try VERY HARD to keep your voice lowered, and give me my space when asked of you. I'm what they call 'moldable to your whims' as long as you're nice to me and don't show aggression my way.
Don't hurt me, don't use your masculinity to intimidate me, I have a natural fear towards men, and don't give me the silent treatment. That's one of the worst punishments to me. It makes me immensely guilty and sick inside. I don't like feeling bad.
You take care of me, I'll promise you a lifetime of loyalty. You protect me, I'll fight for you. If you have patience with me, I'll be grateful for all that you do despite unfortunate circumstances.
I keep adding whatever comes to mind, so check daily for new information.
P.S. Don't msg me with a 'hi' or 'hello' or a one worded msg. It's annoying.
I can write some more but hopefully I've gotten my point across!
(I don't have WhtsApp. The only forms of social media I have are an Email, Kik, and Signal for when things progress to a state I feel is stable enough.)