Helahel

Why families make the marriage very difficult?

No Photo

Why families make the marriage very difficult?

Mobadr Created Mar 4, 2022 06:26
11 Comments

I want to get married for 2 years ago but I couldn't take this step in my community becuase of the bride's family high demands and high prices. No one couldn't change this culture. I'd like to know why families make the marrriage very difficult ?

 

This topic has 11 comments

Reza Fathi

Mar 4, 2022 09:38

Hello . The position is not as simple as you said. Maybe you made a mistake in choosing that family. Are the girl and her family you choose align with you and your family?

KK3

Mar 4, 2022 10:40

@Reza,

This is a general problem in the Ummah. Parents are interfering way too much and making things difficult for everybody. Culture is getting in the way.

While I agree with you that similar social classes might be better off “choosing each other” as some scholars have said, this is really complicating matters. But the Sunnah also acknowledges this social construct as it’s a reality. My idea of marriage is the Mahr, everything else is a “decoration”. So as parents, we really should make it easy for our children to get married. This is a religion defined by simplicity.

Reza Fathi

Mar 4, 2022 11:51

Unfortunately, this issue has even led to divorce and ruined some lives. This is an important issue, adequacy. There is equality in many different areas, such as adequacy in family culture, adequacy in family economy and livelihood, and adequacy in mutual beliefs, and finally, adequacy in the issue of couples' education.

No Photo

Essentials2021

Mar 28, 2022 00:19

Sad but true.

Striver

May 1, 2022 22:29

I believe this is an issue because people follow social norms and roles in their society for most of their life. They go with the flow because it is inline with their biases, values, assumptions and expections. Then suddenly, they want to pump the breaks when the sister asks for 4 grams of gold, a furnished flat in her name and $10,000. Well well, you made your bed now sleep in it. Admit that many aspects of culture serves the desires and harm others. Additionally, if you don't do what your group does you are an outcast because the nail that sticks out gets pounded. So, you obey their commands; you do not leave the traditions of your forefathers. And you don't check that these traditions are not exceeding the Book and the Sunnah. That hot mess might be "absolute taqleed". There are different types of taqleed, we should inform ourself about them. May it be a pathway to remove ignorance an stay within the legislated limits.

Hilal ***Forums Only***

May 9, 2022 04:29

Bismillah

This is a very sad situation and unfortunately the norm in many cultures now.
This leaves many men unable to marry because it is so expensive, thus leaving women unmarried because men can't afford to pay the mahr.

When it comes to marriage, it is supposed to be so simple:

Sahl ibn Sa’d reported: I was among people with the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, as a woman stood up and she said, “O Messenger of Allah, she has given herself in marriage to you, so what is your answer?” The Prophet did not reply. She stood up again and she said, “O Messenger of Allah, she has given herself to you, so what is your answer.” The Prophet again did not reply. She stood up a third time and she said, “She has given herself in marriage to you, so what is your answer?” A man stood up and he said, “O Messenger of Allah, marry her to me.” The Prophet said, “Do you have anything as a dowry?” He said no. The Prophet said, “Go find something, even an iron ring.” The man went and searched, then he came back and he said, “I could not find anything, not even an iron ring.” The Prophet said, “Have you learned anything from the Quran?” He said, “Yes, I know some chapters.” The Prophet said, “Go, for I have married you both with what you have learned from the Quran.”

Source: Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī 4854, Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim 1425

Grade: Muttafaqun Alayhi (authenticity agreed upon) according to Al-Bukhari and Muslim

عَنْ سَهْلِ بْنِ سَعْدٍ السَّاعِدِيَّ قَالَ إِنِّي لَفِي الْقَوْمِ عِنْدَ رَسُولِ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ إِذْ قَامَتْ امْرَأَةٌ فَقَالَتْ يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ إِنَّهَا قَدْ وَهَبَتْ نَفْسَهَا لَكَ فَرَ فِيهَا رَأْيَكَ فَلَمْ يُجِبْهَا شَيْئًا ثُمَّ قَامَتْ فَقَالَتْ يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ إِنَّهَا قَدْ وَهَبَتْ نَفْسَهَا لَكَ فَرَ فِيهَا رَأْيَكَ فَلَمْ يُجِبْهَا شَيْئًا ثُمَّ قَامَتْ الثَّالِثَةَ فَقَالَتْ إِنَّهَا قَدْ وَهَبَتْ نَفْسَهَا لَكَ فَرَ فِيهَا رَأْيَكَ فَقَامَ رَجُلٌ فَقَالَ يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ أَنْكِحْنِيهَا قَالَ هَلْ عِنْدَكَ مِنْ شَيْءٍ قَالَ لَا قَالَ اذْهَبْ فَاطْلُبْ وَلَوْ خَاتَمًا مِنْ حَدِيدٍ فَذَهَبَ فَطَلَبَ ثُمَّ جَاءَ فَقَالَ مَا وَجَدْتُ شَيْئًا وَلَا خَاتَمًا مِنْ حَدِيدٍ فَقَالَ هَلْ مَعَكَ مِنْ الْقُرْآنِ شَيْءٌ قَالَ مَعِي سُورَةُ كَذَا وَسُورَةُ كَذَا قَالَ اذْهَبْ فَقَدْ أَنْكَحْتُكَهَا بِمَا مَعَكَ مِنْ الْقُرْآنِ

4854 صحيح البخاري كتاب النكاح باب التزويج على القرآن وبغير صداق

1425 صحيح مسلم كتاب النكاح باب الصداق وجواز كونه تعليم قرآن وخاتم حديد

Islam is so easy... it is people that complicate things. SubhaanAllah.

Hilal ***Forums Only***

May 9, 2022 04:31

May Allah SWT bless & guide us all and may He make things easy and bless us with our true lifelong mates, Ameen

Leena

May 9, 2022 18:59

And you think men don't demand certain things? I truly believe women demand many things because men do the same. I don't know you personally but ask yourself ....are you willing to marry a poor woman or a divorced woman or a widow etc.?
Whereas us women are supposed to be open minded about these things so what if we demand if a guy has at least a good job?

Seyed Farzad

May 9, 2022 23:46


If I fall in love and trust with her, I do not care if she is poor or a widow or divorced....
I like the honesty of this person...........Not all families are the same, you will surely get married, God willing

No Photo

China

May 10, 2022 03:11

Most people marry for love these days. It's the natural way.

Haider

May 16, 2022 10:37

Love is very beautiful after sacrifice and sacrifice need something you possess
Most People of the present time don't accept others opinions criticising others where they differ
With all sense working they don't want to understand
Friends are ready to sacrifice their lives for you but not opinions.....

 

Leave comment...

You must be logged in to post comments. Please log in or register.