KhadijahCare2 Created Jul 29, 2021 19:24

I want to discuss the topic of whether it is necessary to have a privacy space for a married couple? do we have to share everything with our partner after marriage without leaving any privacy space for each other?

I ask this because I often see married friends say that between him and his partner there are no more secrets, everything is open, they are even allowed to see each other's cell phones.

Well, what do you think? let's share here.

In my opinion, husband and wife still need to have their respective privacy spaces that must be respected by their partners. For example about toothbrushes, you won't find anywhere in the world a husband and wife sharing toothbrushes, right? even as a newly married couple they will still buy 2 toothbrushes, that means there is still some personal space that cannot be shared with their partner.

For me as a woman, I would appreciate my husband's need to have his own private space, for example mobile phone, laptop, email, wallet and bank account. If we trust our partner, why do we peek on his privacy? Even though we are married, of course our partner still has his own friends, including close friends, as well as his family, parents, brothers and sisters, all of which are still his personal domain that we cannot force us all to know.

Maybe one day our partner is playing secrets with us, but he is open with his family or friends, he doesn't want to share it with us. So we don't need to be suspicious and immediately take it as a negative thing. Because he must have a reason why he can't share it with us but instead with someone else? Believe me, if we trust our partner then we must give him full trust, give him a chance to breathe, don't stress him out by wanting to know all his affairs, peeking at the contents of cellphone, emails, wallet, are things that are considered trivial but can hurt our partner. Because that's a sign that we suspect him, if we suspect him, it's a sign that we don't trust him. If you don't trust, how can we live with people who always have bad attitude towards us? What is love if there is no trust?

Suppose our partner is playing secret by secretly hiding money somewhere, he doesn't want to tell us, he keeps it secret. Then it turns out we accidentally found his secret stash and then we immediately had a bad feeling, he kept the money secretly for what, must be for his family, or even for his secret lover? We immediately got angry, we accused him according to what we thought without giving him a chance to prove what he meant (For me, I won't ask him until he tells me by himself). I just thought maybe he kept it to surprise me, maybe he is preparing a birthday present for me which is still 8 months away, but he is preparing it from now on because he needs a lot of money to buy something precious for me. If he didn't keep it a secret then where was the surprise? so in my opinion, always think positive, let our partner have actions that he himself knows, even he shares with other parties but not to us, always think positive it will make life beautiful, there will be no quarrels, there will be no self-judgment , and not an attitude injury to our partner with false accusations.

Even if one day our trust is broken by him, it turns out to be cheating, then we only need to make a decision:

1. Forgive him
2. Divorce him


This topic has 19 comments

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Deleted User

Jul 29, 2021 20:31

Wow great post. I agree with you.


Jul 30, 2021 01:12

Alhamdulilah, tq Soniya


Jul 30, 2021 01:44

The word “ private space “ often proved as a DESTROYER among couples.
When Allah clearly mentioned in Quran that between you and your partner there must not be any wall .

They (your wives) are a clothing (covering) for you, and you too are a clothing (covering) for them” (Surah 2, Verse187).

If a husband says there should be still some privacy from his wife then surely HE IS NOT LOYAL ONE .

or if a wife says that my husband can’t check my mobile indeed she is with other men too .

Again I would say the word “ private space “ from your spouse is a DESTROYER of your married life .


Jul 30, 2021 05:12

@Faizzan, I often see examples of friends who are overprotective of their partners, whenever the husband is stressed, his wife always calls, replies late and immediately gets angry, often calls the office to check what's wrong with him, what's wrong with him. husband do, with whom he is. The husband in the office is laughed at by his friends as a husband who is afraid of his wife. If the husband has a high position in the office then he will lose honor in the eyes of his subordinates. Husband likes stress every time he comes home, to avoid fights he prefers to go straight home to shower, eat and sleep, doesn't want to have time to talk to his wife because what he is dealing with must be uncomfortable, it's better to sleep early and hope the morning quickly came that he would soon be able to leave the house and be able to breathe in peace.

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Deleted User

Jul 30, 2021 05:22

Such a pointless post.
We all should use our time better and definitely learn out religion as we clearly are ignorant.
May Allah forgive us and guide us all. Ameen.

Any real people on this site?


Jul 30, 2021 05:31

@Grace . I also think this post is pointless


Jul 30, 2021 05:33

@nova . Wife feel uncomfortable just because husband start hinding something.

A husband wife should so close that they know each and everything of each other .

There is NO WORD “ private space “ among husband and wife .


Jul 30, 2021 12:24

I just want to have my woman not to regret next day morning when she wakes up and and says ahhh I married wrong man.


Jul 30, 2021 12:44

@Don, you will, insha Allah, as long as you to be honest since the start. May Allah fulfil your dream.


Jul 30, 2021 12:47

@Faizzan, it's ok, everyone has a reason for themselves, as long as you feel comfort with your principle, just keep it. You will find the same thoughts as you, may Allah bless you.


Jul 30, 2021 13:48

@Grace, This post is intended for general exchange of opinion, not related to religion. If we mention religion, of course everything must be in accordance with religious rules, what religion teaches is the right one and must be followed.

But in general, humans have different characters. If he has a jealous nature, it doesn't mean he doesn't have faith, or his religion is bad. This can happen because the jealous character is not able to be managed properly.

If we talk about religious rules, then women must obey their husbands, how is it possible to behave in a way that patronizes their husbands, watches over their husbands, and regulates their husbands to obey our wishes. Of course we will be completely obedient to whatever is arranged by our husbands, not us who regulate our husband.

But in fact quite a lot of women who claim to believe but do not follow the teachings of the Prophet. And I don't want to mention it here. I'm just trying to open my mind that actually being a wife should make your husband comfortable, not stressed by our overprotective behavior towards him.

And I already said, here we are discussing, each of us may have a different opinion. But that doesn't mean we can put down other people who are dumber than us just because we have different opinions. Or judge others who have less faith than us. Because humans are always wrong and only Allah is perfect. Because we are stupid we must learn and continue to learn any science as long as it does not violate religious rules.

So don't hesitate to exchange opinions without demeaning others just because their opinions are not the same as ours.

Btw thanks for the advice to study religion better. Of course, this should always be our priority.

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Deleted User

Jul 30, 2021 16:03

@Nova- assalum alaikum you are right it is not for me to judge or criticise anyone. Please accept my sincere apologies.
Assalum alaikum


Jul 30, 2021 16:27

@Grace, Waalaikumsalam my sister in Islam. We are all brothers and sisters here in Islam, it is natural to communicate with each other and share opinions. Arguing is also normal, the important thing is that we want to be open-minded and accept each other's shortcomings, because we are not perfect creatures. Don't get bored of visiting my room, keep the spirit of sharing. I also apologize if there is a wrong word, sincerely apologize, please forgive me. Wassalam....


Jul 30, 2021 17:34

Grace. Share opinion isn't bad.
I appreciate your opinion.
But surely this post " Private space " Is against of Islamic value.
Because allah says there should not be any wall among them.


Jul 31, 2021 09:10

@Faizzan I apologize if this post is against of Islamic value, but I really don't mean it. I just try to mention about the attitude of a wife to her husband, don't make him feel uncomfortable, but it doesn't mean the husband can use the freedom from his wife to do something wrong and against the Islamic Rules.
I hope the husband will more appreciate to his wife when his wife try the better way to make him comfort to do his job with no burden.

Oke everyone, I apologize if you are feel uncomfortable about this post. I will delete ut if necessary.


Jul 31, 2021 12:14

I just meant to say , if there is a wall of privacy between husband and wife .

Then this is not the sign of good relationship.


Jul 31, 2021 14:20

@Faizzan, you are welcome, and I know what you mean.

My post does not mean that there should be a dividing wall between husband and wife, but husband and wife must trust and respect each other.

I personally would take a trusting stance rather than stressing my husband with suspicion and overprotection. I'm sure no husband likes to be watched all the time and his privacy is disturbed, for example in office matters (this is also a private space), interrupting or wanting to investigate his husband all the time will make him uncomfortable and will eventually lie, just because he didn't want to fight.

If the husband is given freedom of course he will be more relaxed in his association with the world of work. And of course that doesn't mean he's free to have an affair. An understanding wife will be more appreciated by her husband than a wife who is too jealous. Let the husband live the freedom to earn a living without having to be constantly supervised by his wife. This is what I mean as a privacy space that must be respected.


Jul 31, 2021 15:22

Hm I agree with you some points . Right


Aug 1, 2021 13:14

@Faizzan tq, finally you understand what I mean.


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