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IF OUR PARTNER CHEATS ON US

IF OUR PARTNER CHEATS ON US

KhadijahCare2 Created Jul 29, 2021 16:36
10 Comments

What should we do if one day our partner cheats on us ?

In my opinions, we only need to make a decision:

1. FORGIVE HIM :
Ask yourself do we still love him and want to forgive him? if the answer is yes, then forgive him, and never bring up his mistakes, don't be like a broken cassette, played over and over again to disgust him. If we have made the decision to forgive then sincerely forgive, and forget all the mistakes. Start with a new life. What if he repeats his mistake again? keep asking yourself, do you still want to love him and forgive him? If so, then forgive and stick to the principle of sincere forgiveness. Until when ? As far as your ability to be patient and forgiving. So patience has no limits, many people are often wrong, saying that patience has limits. In fact, if you really have a sense of patience then patience has no limits. That is why Allah loves those who are patient. Because a patient person is always full of love and forgiveness. Don't humans always sin and ask Allah for forgiveness too? And does God never forgive? Unless we repent too late, death comes, Allah never limits in giving love and forgiveness.

2. DIVORCE HIM :
If the answer is we don't want to love anymore because we are very hurt, then please take a firm decision to separate (divorce). No need to be angry with other people (his lover). Remember our partner can cheat, it's definitely not his own fault, but we are one of the causes, we are the cause of him cheating. Be honest with yourself, reflect, and find the answer. Even though we are aware that we have contributed to our partner's actions but we still don't want to forgive him, or we want to forgive but can no longer take it back. So have a good talk with your partner, and family, just say that we are no longer compatible and want to separate/divorce, no need to tell other parties or families about the reason this decision was taken. Only the two of us know. Let him go without having to take revenge by humiliating him. Remember that whoever covers the disgrace of others, Allah will also cover our disgrace in the hereafter. Always make Allah's rules the goal of life, insha Allah, we will be able to pass every trial that befalls us. All humans will separate, either by divorce or death. The important thing is never to destroy our faith in Islam. Stay true to Islam, that Allah never leaves us, Allah never tests us beyond our capabilities. Patience is still required here. Patiently accept everything that happens according to Allah's will. Not a single leaf falls without Allah's permission. Just remember that.

Hopefully this discussion is useful. Come on, give your opinion, and everyone is free to have an opinion because not all humans have the same nature, character, and thoughts. Each is free to express according to our heart.

 

This topic has 12 comments

Heartfelt

Jul 30, 2021 21:32


As salaam wa laikum sister,

And I believe you thinking is deficient on this in many regards.
Look at the video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ch-lIG1Y6E Mufti Menk made some good points.

The level of cheating would require different actions. If it is something like flirting, texting to someone, kissing, even going to dinner, that is one thing you may wish to talk about it. Set some clear boundaries of what is not tolerable in your marriage. Continued cheating even on this level is still sinful. May be family intervention or counseling to try resolve the matter. However overlooking as an act of forgiveness it is not doing good by yourself or this person. If they are continually going beyond the bounds set by Allah then you are ENABLING them by your actions.

If it is the point of fornication then you should divorce. If you have concrete proof that such an act was done. If you continue in this marriage knowing they are committing adultery you are also in the wrong. There is an hadith that states as such you will share in their punishment of committing adultery. You are acting in defiance of Allah. Have faith in the Allah(swt). Know this is fitnah for you as well as for them. Will you leave this person for the sake of Allah((swt)? Sacrifice this love you have for them to your love for Allah(swt). Knowing He can provide you with someone better for you and the practice of your deen. Do you announce it to the world ? Well that would depend on how it was discovered. Was the person caught by witnesses than it being committed in such a way your saying nothing is like denying the truth. If they confess to you or only you catch them then divorce as quietly as you can which would also depend on them agreeing to divorce in a discrete matter.

That's why there is death penalty for adultery in the first place. Even a Sahabah confessed to the Prophet(phub) that he had committed Zina. The Prophet(pbuh) did not wish to take his confession thinking him drunk. He was adamant in giving the confession. The Prophet(phub) had to have him executed for adultery based on his confession. Remember what punishment we face in this life we may be free of in the next if we sincerely ask forgiveness and repent to Allah(swt). As our Prophet(pbuh) told us punishment in this life can expiate us of the sin in the next life.

This is my point and understanding on the topic you put forward.

Sorry, I can't quote the hadiths for you. I don't have a book of hadith available.(may be another brother or sister could offer the exact hadith)

KhadijahCare2

Jul 31, 2021 09:01

@Hearthfelt, waalaikumsalam my sister,

Thank you for your point, it's give me some knowledge. Will considerare it.
What about if he did wrong but he ask forgiveness ?

Salam

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majidm

Jul 31, 2021 12:41

You should advice him to have a second wife and not get involved into Haram, If you had given him this option (second wife option ) to begin with you wouldn't be having this problem.

KhadijahCare2

Jul 31, 2021 13:57

@majidm, welcome you in this room, and tq.
I myself already said in my profile that I accept polygamy, if one day my husband want to do polygamy I will give him my permission, insha Allah.

Heartfelt

Jul 31, 2021 15:26

Majdim,

Your comment as to giving man the option of having a second wife is narrow minded. He as a Muslim should know he has that option and be honest with his wife in stating how he needs to pursue it. He also needs to be honest with himself on fulfulling the rights of having two wives. Note: to some of you brothers who think is ok to have second wife as stand by option. First wife and potential second wife should finance and fulfill your responsibilities Allah(swt) commanded on the man in having more than one wife. You know who you are....just stop.)

Some men will go with a mistress because they are attracted to the taboo. It does not a matter of the wife allowing or disallowing him to marry another wife. For the women especially though men as well it is having their cake and eating it too. Also some know they are not in the position of fulfilling those women's rights so they do something haram. And they want what they want instead of lowering their gaze in the first place. They should then make dua to Allah(swt) for His protection from their nafs and being granted a halal means of having who they desire. This is not to mention exercising sabr. This also applies to the women who engage in such acts with these men. Other's feel having a mistress is about the same as having second wife if exposed they can cover it up. Maybe so but he/she is still answerable to Allah(swt) what for what they tried to hide from others are they not?

Do not try to make this about the wife and some limitations she has put on him. Allah(swt) has put those limitations on men and women. He has given men the means of fulfilling his desire in a way that safeguards his chastity and the woman as well as promote healthy family relationships and positive community responsibilities. Men and women who act in this manner are selfish, self-centered with no fear of Allah.

Call it for what it is and not try to dish the responsibility on another.

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Deleted User

Aug 22, 2021 13:53

If your spouse cheats (commits zina) you must divorce even if you love(d) them dearly in my opinion. This is not forgivable, it will always bother you and lead to more issues and he will likely cheat again as he is already a cheater.

This crime carries capital punishment in Sharia Law if there are 4 witnesses to it.

Hassan393

Aug 23, 2021 19:34

The third option might be to kill him/her, and throw his/her sack closed dead body into the river.๐Ÿ˜‚ ๐Ÿ˜‚ ๐Ÿ˜‚

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Deleted User

Aug 23, 2021 19:54

I know you are joking but this is not an option in Islam, unfortunately . You must go through the legal system.

KhadijahCare2

Aug 24, 2021 06:03

@Heartfelt, thank you for your amazing opinion, I can learn a lot because actually my knowledge is very lacking, only based on the assessment of feelings which of course differ from one woman to another, but you provide information related to religious rules so it is also very enlightening for those of us who lack knowledge . Keep sharing for us, Allah bless you.

KhadijahCare2

Aug 24, 2021 06:15

@Tezcan yes, if we can't accept it then choose the second option is the best for both, but not make a wrong decision like the 3rd option from Hassan393 ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ

ALIWISEMIND ke

Sep 13, 2021 20:09

I think we should understand the fact they are humans and human is to err. You just check whether they're normally pious and its just shaytwan who mislead them or its their behaviour, i.e, they deliberately did it
I agree with @KhadijahCare2, forgive or dicorce, only that I disagree with following your feelings
I suggest the following
1. If s(he) is normally religious, assume that Allah loves them and disposes them early enough so as they can pass such test in the future. I recall a certain story where a man was cought watching p**n videos by his daughter. He was really embarrassed and mentally pertubed to an extent that he decided to seek advice from a friend. The friend comforted him telling him its a good thing..."imagine if it were malakul maut who cought you doing it, I think Allah wants to guide by correcting you early enough, so learn from it."
So, if they slipped this way, try to ask them what they are lacking, if its higher sexual drive, you can consider divorce if its a woman or marrying another wife to satisfy them sexually. If its another reason, let itbe addressed so as you overcome this challenge together. Don't be so reactive, you can lose a good partner, remember, Allah is most forgiving, most merciful
2. If its an irreligious partner and you think you're religious, consider divorce cause an adulterer cannot marry except an adulteress, a believer is for a believer. Assume its a red flag Allah want to seperate you from their for your own benefit. These people may never change and they actually have no good reason behind their immorality
Wabillahi tawfiq

KhadijahCare2

Sep 14, 2021 07:41

@Aliwisemind, Yeah we can choose forgive or divorce, life is simple or complex depending on our thoughts and feelings and wise in making choices.

 

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