Helahel

Soft feminism

Soft feminism

Faizzan Created Jul 28, 2021 07:28
20 Comments

Often a highly educated Man get ready to marry with a low educated women.

But if a woman is highly educated she never compromise with low educated man until he is rich.

It's very very rare.

 

This topic has 21 comments

Heartfelt

Jul 30, 2021 18:16

You appear to be shocked with that concept or find some inequity with it.

An highly educated man depending on why he is marrying could marry a low educated woman. He often is in a financial position where her education is not of concern. She will not be working to bring income into the home. He may also be willing to pay for her education if she chooses to pursue one. He is the provider for the home as is the role of a man in general but specifically in Islam.

A woman on the other hand as a few issues if marrying a man of lesser education. She has pursued that education with focus on a career and love of knowledge. Having attained that education she more than likely has a position that pays more than the lower educated man. Men on the similar education can have issues with women making more than them or have more prestigious positions. Why put yourself in a position to come home to stress, jealousy and malice from your husband or in laws? And yes, women may want to be treated with equal amount of respect but a man should still be able to provide well for his family not depend on wife. If she becomes pregnant stay home or astfirullah may be her or child's health is poor. Does low educated husband have a job that will take care of them all? Financial strain kills a lot of marriages. Women think of these things also having someone that is comfortable sharing ideas with and has your interest is important. We, woman are generally stimulated by conversation and expression of emotions more than physical as it is with men.(why you will see gorgeous woman with less than attractive man). In saying all this attaining an education is not confined to university degrees and intellect definitely is not defined that way.

Faizzan

Jul 30, 2021 18:44

Well you beautifully justified this.

But i didn't mean only income context.
Usually women doesn't allow less educated man in term of mentality match, status etc.

I believe it's kinda feminism

Heartfelt

Jul 30, 2021 20:34

It is part of our make up in assessing who will be a good spouse. You marry and hope to share your life with that person. Their status in your eyes should grow the more you know them. If there is a deficiency from the beginning you are starting out disadvantaged which can sometime develop resentment on one or both sides. Also women are programmed to see how a man will provide as a father that includes mentality and status among peers. This is an example of character and development of oneself ambition, perseverance ,and integrity traits that are learned by experience to be passed on to your children. So as a woman, you would want the head of your household to have a good education, status and mental agility. A nation achieve greatness under great leadership so does a home.

abdo the pure heart

Aug 1, 2021 16:16

The nature of a woman is thus more material than a man, whether she is educated or even illiterate !!!!!!!!!!!!

Faizzan

Aug 1, 2021 17:47

Abdo. You are right,
This is what I wanted to say.
Now women are more materialistic in any context.

abdo the pure heart

Aug 1, 2021 19:34

Alas for greed !!!! You know the story of this young American woman who married a wealthy old man in about 90. When they asked her what you liked about the old man, she told them her cane, but soon after the old man died and left all his wealth and fortune to his children and left her the cane that she loved.This true story should be an example for those who regard it as The Arab proverb says Sinmar's reward

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Essentials2021

Aug 2, 2021 00:15

My brother Faizzan,I think it's nothing to do with feminism. It's a social dilemma. Specially in part of the Asian society,through time set a standard where,a educated woman never think to go for a less educated man or man ever think to propose a woman who is more educated than him. And this is the norm because we been brought up this way in the society. It's a mind set.

Not only that,a unmarried man or woman never give a thought to marry a divorced or man to marry an orderly woman in Asian society. It never comes in our mind unless there a
Is a situation or exceptional case. It's not anyone's fault. It's the social upbringing that put the brain in a box.

You know society would never ask you,whether you have a. Good at home or not but it will ask you,why did you marry a less educated man or a girl older than you.
Doesn't mean some people are not thinking out of the box.

Funny thing is society rules only lower middle class to upper middle class family's. Rich and poor are free to do anything.even in the Asian society 70 years old Celebrity's marring girl at 20s or a 10/20 years older woman and its OK for them as 2 person like each other that's all matter to them.

The other thing is,Heartfelt already mentioned the financial side,which is very true. But back home another problem is,there is no standard of minimum wage. It creates a severe discrimination in the working society.

Although situation has changed and some manuel job earns better than office job but still it doesn't matter how much a plumber,carpenter earns but hardly he would think to propose anyone educated person because his job doesn't have the same social respect or status that a educated person who works in the office with less earnings.

In west most of the job never face any status issue. Same respect for all profession. And Manuel worker earns very well.

Most challenging and real issue is for the Asian man,who brought up knowing that man is the bread winner and leader of the house,is,Asian woman are often more educate than man specially in the west. When boys are playing around till age 25,for steadfastness a girl at that age holds a good position at work with good financial status as well as become a better leader & a lifestyle compare to man at late 20s. When a man struggle at 30s. So there is a big chance for man and woman to go through egoistic trial and tribulations.

That's why it's better,if someone is not ready to take the social& individual challenges not go for it.

It's just a hypothesis based on little observation. I could be partly or completely wrong. Take it easy.









Heartfelt

Aug 2, 2021 03:23

Essentials2021 you made an interesting point and I would say what you mentioned is just in Asian societies but all over.

And to those thinking women are materialistic I would say we are meant to think of what would benefit the survival of the children we bring into the world. You men look at the beauty of the woman as it equates in your mind the legacy you leave behind. What has been deemed beautiful in this world are genetic traits that have been valued over the generations many want to carry forward. So should you be accused of being shallow?

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Essentials2021

Aug 3, 2021 01:06

Heartfelt,thanks for your input. You are right, more less it's same everywhere.

Abdu pure heart,Fizaan,I can feel where are are you coming from but branding half of the mankind as materialistic and greedy will only make your world smaller and unrealistic to live with woman.

Some extent,you guys are right,but some man and woman both are materialistic and greedy but the feeling made you label the word woman is something else.

Brother the world and society developed a lifestyle and sold it to the mass people which has some sharp character of light selfishness and self-centeredness. Most of knowingly or unknowingly got in to it. May be the sharpness is little more visible in number of woman but than again our sister or current generation woman's from our clan fall in that number. Some other people taking their sharpness as a materialistic or greedy woman.

Actually it's not greed. it's a common sharpness learn from the fashion and entertainment world. And after a certain time max of the girls they drop this lifestyle and settled with reality. Or else all the kids would have been in the care home.

Take a look from the areal view,I am sure you will find some hope. Jzk

Faizzan

Aug 3, 2021 04:34

@ abdo . Nice story .

Essential… I’m not yet convinced.

Floor experience is truly what I said

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Talah

Aug 3, 2021 18:58

Because men are intimidated by educated women.

When educated women simply likes to have a similarly minded partner

Faizzan

Aug 4, 2021 01:14

Talah . It’s just materialistic mindset of women nothing else

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Talah

Aug 4, 2021 03:01

Could be also

Faizzan

Aug 4, 2021 17:11

Hm

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Essentials2021

Aug 4, 2021 22:01

Faizzan,you are a mature person and I believe has life experience as well. Brother if you can't work with something than work around it,if you really need your job to be done.

Except hand full of man and woman,most of the people are good on earth. Most of the modern woman not looking for rich but a life standard they have maintained or planned for themselves. Well can't deny the influence of materialism but it's not just woman,same goes to man as well.

Anyway,the reason you find those issues,maybe if you change your approach towards them,you can see a different picture.

In the other thread,Brother Abrar Qureshi mentioned that probably,desi boys approach is different than the one in west. It's vary society to society. That's it. It's very normal.

Take it easy. Life is man.

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Deleted User

Aug 7, 2021 08:00

I think you forget that women get pregnant,men don't. Women nurse children men can't. Women have monthly cycles that cause discomfort men don't. So if a man decides that education is not worth his time, his values are totally different from the women who put off and overcame her nature to get an education and use it... That man's ego will unconsciously be challenged by a woman who is more successful than him. Men don't want to be out done by a woman. Those situations almost never work unless the man, takes on a more passive role in the relationship.

Abrar Qureshi

Aug 7, 2021 08:48

Very well said essentials. I really like your observant nature. You painted the most realistic picture from all of what actually happens. Very true. It's a very thin line between being a planner for your survival and being materialistic. Being competitive, proud and evil. People or couples who see these thin lines and depth in these things usually end up having a good marriage, barring they both don't become self centered. Most of the people do become self centered. Plus Islamically also men given the role of bread earners and women being the nurtures are the best roles you can give. They can also be swapped and also become successful. But these positions are the best for them in many aspects, that's a huge topic in itself. Bottom line, there's a thin line between these things people should be wise enough to understand these and live in harmony with each other. Points like a mans ego hurts or a woman is only materialistic are shallow assumptions taken on poor judgement. We need to dig in more. For example a mans ego has been very misunderstood in many cases. A man needs to have his pride, ego, competitiveness etc. These are some of the things what makes him a male among other things. Do we want men to become women and women to turn into men? Don't let the media turn you into sheeps. Ignore this generation and these times, stay rooted to Islam's values. Don't let your country or surrounding or Instagram change your roots.

Abrar Qureshi

Aug 7, 2021 08:53

Sorry to say but most of the people here gave a very shallow point of view depending on probably their bad experience and I can understand that, and even I would've gone for that if it had been my naïve 26 year old self. Peace out.🌻

Faizzan

Aug 7, 2021 15:35

Essential.. Most of the women are good?
Of then maybe I'm surrounded by worst people because it's very rare to see good people here.
Or may be I'm not good person that's why I see negativity everywhere.

Here is India, if a woman is modern ( self depend) she usually have feminist mindset.
And if not earning well then planning to hunt settle peeson.


I do agree there many good people in this world , there are good Muslim with strong imaan .

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Essentials2021

Aug 7, 2021 22:05

Faizzan, you are not surrounded by bad people but influence of your bad experience and a wrong mind set. To understand a situation,you must look at it from a neutral point of view. It's not about,what you think,it is to find out exactly what it is. Be positive. All good.

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Essentials2021

Aug 7, 2021 22:12

Abrar Qureshi,brother,a positive heart will always find its way to its destination. Nice input from you.

 

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