What qualities do you want in a husband or wife?

What qualities do you want in a husband or wife?

Zahra Created Jun 3, 2020 17:53

Assalamu'alaikum Brother Sister,
what important qualities do you want in your husband or your wife?

For me, I think there are 3 qualities I wish in my husband later.


Nagging maybe is usual for a woman, although I wish I won't do much nagging and really wish can control my words even I am nagging.

A good husband is usually just quiet and listen to her because if she is nagging or worse and he speaks a lot in the same time, exactly that will be a never ending argue.

Even Saydina Umar RA when his wife is nagging he doesn't complain and just stay cool.

Sometimes what a woman needs just to be listened 😆

When she is already calm, you can talk sweet to her and she maybe listen you this time 😆


Rasululloh pbuh also has a conflict with his wife, that time sayyida Aisyah RA even raises her voice. In the same time her dad, saydina Abu Bakr RA visits her.

Knowing his daughter doesn't respect Rasululloh pbuh, he holds her hand emotionally and Rasululloh pbuh protects his wife immediately from her dad anger.

So even not in a good condition. like in a conflict, I wish my husband still be my protector, aamiin.

If all husband learns from Rasululloh pbuh insyaalloh there is no violence to a wife.


Life is like a roller coaster, so in any condition, I wish he can make me happy and laugh 😆

Rasululloh pbuh also a humorous husband.

We know sayyida Aisyah RA is ever jealous to sayyida Khodijah RA, and she said to Rasululloh pbuh daughter, sayyida Fatimah RA that her mom was a widow when married to her dad.

Listening this words she tells to her dad, and Rasululloh pbuh knows she is sad and he cheers up her. Tell to sayyida Aisyah RA, yes you are right my mom was a widow that time and she is married when he is still a virgin.

A smart joke 😆
No need to respond with bad words or anger 😆

So how about you?

Maybe Brother wants a wife whom you see when you have a problem and half problem is solved, just by seeing your wife?
That's sayyida Khodijah RA 😍

Or a young and smart wife such as sayyida Aisyah RA? 😁

Thank you


This topic has 31 comments


Jun 3, 2020 19:04

@hamid, masyaalloh you are right, keeping secret is hard for some women, maybe because women speak 3 times more than men.

So she feels her life is not complete if not talking much 😆

The problem today, telling secret is no longer in dear diary or to her best friend, but in social media. So secret is read by families and friends 😅

When families are hurt.the problem becomes worse 😂

Thank you


Jun 3, 2020 19:20

One the qualities I want in a woman is neatness. Some women don't maintain good hygiene.

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Deleted User

Jun 3, 2020 20:42

This can be a list, but most important is:
Patience and forbearance, respect and poise(yani you need order in home), someone who knows what must not be said, when I'm not home she must be able to guard her and her home as a queen would her palace. Trivial things can always be looked over Yani one can learn with time.


Jun 4, 2020 02:35

@abbah, you are right, a clean and neat wife is very pleasant.

I think it is good to provide wife for body care budget because it returns to husband 😆

@maddie, patience is a result of a hard training 😆

Both husband and wife must train every time to be patient if they want a peaceful home.

But when you see before marriage she is not patient at all or having bad words, if I were you, I won't make it a home work.

We are often too optimistic to change husband or wife, I think it is a hard home work because the attitude has been in him or her for years.

If Rasululloh pbuh can't change his uncle, so no wonder if we can't too.

What we wish from husband or wife who has bad words or worse, maybe emotional and like hitting. Not good for us and children.

Respect, I very agree for this quality. For me as a woman, must understand that arrijalu qowwamuna alan nisa, men are in charge of women.

Husband is a protector and provider, wife needs to respect his role and be grateful for halal things he brings.

Although today a wife can have a public role that makes her outside home. Both husband and wife must understand that a woman public role is actually not for making money but to make better society by maintaining society morale and regularity.

Of course a husband and a dad have responsibility to provide his wife and his children good education, but a wife or a mom as we know is a madrasatul ula, a primary teacher for her children.

The better a wife attitude, insyaalloh the better children you will have.

If your wife doesn't know how to respect you, how will you get respect from others and your children learn to respect others?

Although for a good husband maybe he doesn't wish a respect from wife but he will respect his wife.

I think in the level, he already completes a long training of tauhiid lessons 😆

Thank you

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Deleted User

Jun 4, 2020 06:44

If wife will be faithful and obedient, then her husband will be lucky


Jun 4, 2020 10:28

@Zarah I believe cleanliness is next to godliness so I don't see any reason why I shouldn't provide for her body care, it's a basic necessity. But maintaining good hygiene is a habit not all women do even after they have everything, I mean a good woman clean up nice, look nice, smell nice, be nice e.t.c


Jun 4, 2020 11:33

But the question was meant for both. You should keep it to yourself if you don't have anything to say. It's a group discussion thanks for your advice.


Jun 4, 2020 17:06

Brothers, thank you for comments, it makes me understand what men wish from a wife.

I am sorry if you find something bad in me, please tell me so I can try to be better.

I write because I want to get answer from brother sister here.

I know I don't have any knowledge to write more than just question, so that's what I do here.

I think it is good for brother sister sharing knowledge in this forum, as long as the words are good.

Thank you


Jun 4, 2020 17:33

You don't need to apologise for anything. I don't see any harm in understanding each other and sharing good ideas. You're always welcome. Thank you


Jun 5, 2020 01:29

@abbah, thank you for supporting words.

@said, yes this is important and some maybe not really pay attention in the guest problem.

Because even here usually we will love to have guest than reject them.

But you are right I think, maybe some guest doesn't make husband comfortable.

Some guest like to chat someone badness and maybe husband not comfortable with ghibah.

Or some guest come in his rest time, maybe having friends gathering at home in the time he is tired and need rest also not good.

Thank you

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Jun 5, 2020 08:50

أهم صفة في المرأة وهذا قليل الانتباه اليه وهي الحياء الشديد


Jun 6, 2020 05:38

@ridha, you are right about modesty.

It's good to pay attention for being modest.

Thank you

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Deleted User

Jul 31, 2020 03:32

As an unmarried woman, if you are growing old. Don't wait for a man to come and ask for your hands in marriage. Go and find a decent man and ask for his hands in marriage. It is Halal (lawful) in Islam. If you have the means, sponsor the marriage. If you don't have the means, make it the cheapest. Doing this is 100% better than you staying alone. For both, men and women if care is not taking you may end up committing zinā (fornication) which can lead you to hellfire. A word is enough for the wise!

Khadījah (R.A.) requested our beloved Prophet Muhammad (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) to marry her and he accepted. They became the best couple in the world.

May Allāh (Sub-haanahu wata'aala) make it easy for our brothers and sisters who are finding it difficult to get married and remove all burdens from them. Ameen!

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Jul 31, 2020 11:39

@ OP,

U mentioned Umar r.a. staying cool, please provide authentic evidence?

I'll forward sum evidences shortly regarding below,

Once when Umar r.a. (during his khilafat) , wife tried to give him advice regarding how he should run the ummah, he told her sumfin like she should worry about sewing...... 😁 Sumfin like this

The sahaabah r.a. were real MEN n WOMEN, not Malaika.

The best spouse for me would be one, who at least ideologically, accepts all facets of Islam. Not a half half

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Jul 31, 2020 11:41

OP again

U mean if all PPL learn from Rasulullah(saw), coz I don't think women are excused.

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Jul 31, 2020 13:41

It is reported that a man came to ‘Umar ibn Al-Khattab to complain about his wife.

When he reached his house he heard ‘Umar’s wife Umm Kulthum scolding him. The man said to himself, ‘I came with the intention of complaining to him about my wife but he is himself going through what I go through.’

He, therefore, returned but ‘Umar called him back, and asked him about the purpose of his visit. He said, ‘I came to complain to you about my wife’s behavior but when I heard your wife’s words I returned.’

Firstly, she is my protection from Hell as she keeps my heart protected from the forbidden:
Secondly, she is keeper of my house (especially) when I am away, and she is also protector of my belongings.
Thirdly, she acts as bleacher for me and washes my clothes.
Fourthly, she nurses my children.
Fifthly, she cooks my food, and bakes my bread.” Thereupon, the man said: “It was same with me, however, I did not show forbearance to her. Now I will let it all go.”

Source: https://icraa.org/authentic-or-otherwise-biting-words-of-umars-wife/

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Jul 31, 2020 13:42

it doesn't mention anywhere Umar r.a. was quiet,

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Jul 31, 2020 13:43

Above story of Umar r.a is related to what u posted,

I'm checking for sumfin for what I posted

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Jul 31, 2020 13:58

And is it OK for a women to scream at a man??

But it's human nature men and women .

Ali r.a. and Fatima r.a. also fought, I cant recall the exact incident now.

I just rem sumfin like Fatima r.a. was crying and Ali r.a. was at the musjid, but it was sumfin becoz they argued.

If Fatima r.a. was crying, obviously Ali r.a. said sumfin.

Lol, I luv the sahaabah r.a. ,
Bi'ithnillah they are my role models

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Jul 31, 2020 14:05

Rasulullah (saw) almost divorced all his wives, if it was not for divine intervention

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Jul 31, 2020 14:16

On the authority of Nu‘aim bin Hanzala: Jarir bin Abdullah came to ‘Umar and complained to him about the behavior of his wives. ‘Umar said “I also encounter what you do. When I go to market to meet people, to buy an animal, or some dress my wife says, ‘you go out to look at and talk to girls.'” [Nu‘aim added] ‘Abdullah bin Mas‘ud said, “Do you not know that when Ibrahim complained about the attitude of Sarah Allah revealed to him, ‘This is from the crookedness, so try to straighten it (politely) if it is straightened else live with her as she is

Source: https://icraa.org/authentic-or-otherwise-biting-words-of-umars-wife/

LOL, those that were married previously will understand

See besides the levels of imaan, after ambiya a.s. , the sahaabah r.a. had the highest imaan in the history of this world ( sum muslims are not sure or don't know this)

everything is how it was always..... Human nature,

Even with sahaabah r.a., different sahaabah were on different levels.

NB. 3 levels of imaan,

1. Highest form is to take action physically when u see a wrong being done.

2. To verbally speak out against the wrong.

3. The lowest form, to see a wrong being done, and just feel bad in the heart. ( Lotsa times ppl think their quietness is hikmah, when they see oppression. NOPE ur imaan is at the lowest level)

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Jul 31, 2020 14:24


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Jul 31, 2020 14:24


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Jul 31, 2020 14:35

I am struggling to find a ref for what I posted above.

Heard it in a bayaan from a reliable alim ( he has passed on as a shaheed, inshaALLAH)
, have to go thru his work to search a ref. and there is alot of his work to search.

So in all fairness and justness, please ignore the part I posted about...

"Once when Umar r.a. (during his khilafat) , wife tried to give him advice regarding how he should run the ummah, he told her sumfin like she should worry about sewing...... 😁 Sumfin like this"

Until I find reference , inshaALLAH

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Jul 31, 2020 14:42

Ambiya a.s. Were masoom

Sahaabah r.a. made sin also, their taubah was way superior...

An unmarried pregnant women came to Rasulullah (saw) becoz she made zina, to find out what the law was regarding her.

Who was this woman, a sahabiya r.a ?

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Jul 31, 2020 14:47

please confirm below with an alim first....

If a person is not married, the punishment for zina is different from stoning to death. Think it's whippings

A married person is stoned to death.

So the sahabiya r.a. , was she married?

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Jul 31, 2020 14:48

Maaf I used unmarried when I typed initial post of zina, I didn't think properly on how to say it like

" A sahabiya r.a. made zina," may ALLAH SWT forgive me

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Jul 31, 2020 14:51

N I love every sahaabah n sahaabiyah r.a.

how do u completely luv sumone if u only them half half....

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Jul 31, 2020 16:10

One of the Ashara Mubashara ( the ten sahaabah that were given glad tidings of jannah),

Zubair ibnul awaam r.a. , he reprimanded his wives very severely! LOL I don't think I was so hard on my ex also 😂,
( I'm just comparing a human trait of mine to his, he is a jannati already, he is THE MAN, I'm not even a fraction of a percentage of a man like him)

Remember the story of the sahabi that sliced an enemy soldiers body in half from head down, with one blow of the sword, alhamdulillah, this is our sahabi 😀.

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Deleted User

Aug 1, 2020 02:29

Id like someone with big plans! Someone who has a good plan for the rest of their days here, and has the ability to do them.

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Aug 1, 2020 02:33

Rest of their days in this world or this site?

Hopefully not the rest of their days on this site, only up to 4th wife...🤣🤗


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