Helahel

Tell me about your Positive and/or negative experience on helahel

Tell me about your Positive and/or negative experience on helahel

Amyous Created May 19, 2020 18:12
17 Comments

I was wondering what other people experienced using this site, so, do u want to share some interesting stories? All men and women. Make it fun!

 

This topic has 21 comments

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Deleted User

May 19, 2020 21:12

I'm so sorry that happened to you. Some users need to fear Allah SubhanAllah. Not only are they deceiving us but they are also ignoring the rights of their respective wives/husbands.. so unfortunate.

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Finaladd

May 20, 2020 01:48

I have registered in this site may be before one month or so. I am interested in Muslima girls who takes Islam seriously, and in their profiles, I found such serious words in the western girls, which is good for my need.

I emailed LOTS of what I consider "persuading", but the result was: not even one replied one serious reply, nor did any other girl come to my profile and email me.

In conclusion, I am 50-50 in trusting a serious relation will come out of this site.

Will continue for not more than 3 months, and if results will be the same I will consider it not serious marriage site.

Amyous

May 20, 2020 03:24

@finaladd, well u have to know what they prefer first. Like for me, one thing that would make me not text u back is bcs I prefer guys below 30, so I wouldn't reply and waste time. So u can't blame the girls or this site just bcs u don't get what u want. #sorry

Farid

May 20, 2020 03:49

Amyous, I don't know if that's what he meant. You included some of your deal-breakers on your profile, but many don't. That's the problem. In my opinion, most don't even seem to be honest about what they're looking for.

Finaladd is right, and is finding out the hard way, unfortunately. The majority don't respond, and it's not just on this site. That's just how women are in general. In my opinion, your time is better spent trying to find a spouse through other means (unless you have a ton of patience to deal with the drawbacks of using a website).

I see lots of stereotypes about men who don't respond to women and how women complain about that, but there's a common denominator there (the guy looks like a model, which is what most girls want). Let that sink in for a moment.

Abu Hasan Al Salafy

May 20, 2020 06:19

what a wish husband doctor )) ah dreams dreams))

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Deleted User

May 20, 2020 16:46

It isn't a "dream" to want to be with a doctor for some sisters. The sister who posted this is a pharmacist by profession. Whether you would like to admit it or not, she is highly educated and wishes for a husband on that same calibar. That isn't blameworthy. But for sisters that are not highly educated or from a home where that is common, I do think it is odd to want a partner like that. It could work.. AllahuAleem but.. it's unusual.

Amyous

May 20, 2020 17:13

Lol, i don't wish or require or prefer man with any profession. U're missing the point, dude. The Man lied about his profession. He might think that being a doctor is cool or what I dunno, so he feels like it's necessary to lie about his profession and other things.
Anyways, this is supposed to be a thread where y'all tell interesting stories about ur experience here, or heck in ur life.

Amyous

May 20, 2020 17:14

And btw Arafah, thanks for having my back sis. đź’›

Abu Hasan Al Salafy

May 20, 2020 21:36

everyone gets what to strive for)) remember this,,one who wants a level will get a level))he who desires a class will receive a class,,and he who seeks the satisfaction of Allah will receive all that is best for him,,,

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Deleted User

May 20, 2020 22:28

Agreed. And neither contradict the other. Some are blessed with all those things. Life is full of wonders.

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Finaladd

May 20, 2020 22:59

@Amyous, you replied an answer that was not related to my topic. Clearly I emailed girls who belong to my criteria and whom from their profiles are agreeing on less than my description. Some of them replied in the manner of making a friendship which is refused by me, while others replies very short welcoming answers but disappeared, although their pages were about they want someone who fears Allah or leads her to the Quran meaning ... etc.

If someone emailed a particular person, in person, s/he should reply politely even if s/he doesn't want to continue, and this is a world wide protocol. And if a woman who seeks marriage doesn't reply for a marriage request bc she her agenda is full and otherwise she will waste her time, then it is the same mentality that established men who deal with their wives in cold emotions or sympathy. All win !

Peace Guy

May 20, 2020 23:34

I have been on this site since Summer of 2016. I think that I have seen everything from scammers to pious Muslimas, and many in between. There have been rude and hateful people, and there have been sincere grateful people.

Most of the scammers will show their true colors quickly, and when reported to the admin, their profiles are promptly deleted.

Many of the sincere women on this site are scared away by bickering and complaining about scammers on this site. Most of these complaints are actually from scammers posting lies to appear sincere. When the scammers are reported, and the admin deletes their profile, their name on comments to various posts changes to "deleted user".

One of the biggest problems with this site is that when a profile is deleted (even when the user deletes their own profile) all the forum posts are deleted too. Many people in the past four years have met on this site and gotten married, Alhamdulillah. I have seen these posts, and all the congratulations/blessings given to them. I have given my own blessings - only to see the post disappear when they deleted their profile. (Well, a newlywed isn't going to be looking for another spouse, so you can't blame them.) The sincere people don't have the success stories to realize that this site really does work sometimes.

In general, my overall experience on this site has been positive. I've met many wonderful people here. Unfortunately, I have a few complications that have prevented me from finding a match here:
1. Many of the women were unable or unwilling to relocate;
2. Some didn't like my ancestry, and;
3. Some were not comfortable with the age gap.
These are my disadvantages, and my being here so long without a match should not be blamed on the site. Neither can I blame the women here for my problems.

I'm grateful for being privileged to be a member of Helahel. I hope that more people will appreciate how wonderful this site is. It's awesome to be able to meet Muslims from all over the world for the purpose of finding a spouse, and totally free! The admins of this site are constantly working to keep the site halal, and I think we as users should be thankful for their good deeds.

Abu Hasan Al Salafy

May 21, 2020 04:59

@ That arafah---Know that the life of this world is but amusement and diversion and adornment and boasting to one another and competition in increase of wealth and children - like the example of a rain whose [resulting] plant growth pleases the tillers; then it dries and you see it turned yellow; then it becomes [scattered] debris. And in the Hereafter is severe punishment and forgiveness from Allah and approval. And what is the worldly life except the enjoyment of delusion.(57-20)----that's how they deceive you here, they tell you what you want to hear)),husband is a doctor))) ah dreams dreams))

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Deleted User

May 21, 2020 18:35

@Abu Hasan Al Salafy: I have no idea what your point is. You are not a doctor.. that's fine. No need to feel such jealousy for the brothers and sisters that are. Education and seeking knowledge is encouraged in Islam. Being a doctor (for example) is a halaal and rewarding profession when one's intentions are pure. You do not know people's intentions for what they do. You are not a god nor a prophet. You are a student of Islam like most of us are. A woman that is highly educated that seeks an equally highly educated is halal. And vice versa. Stop masking your insecurities by hating on people's valid preferences and wishes.

Insh123

May 21, 2020 23:47

As a man my main pet peeve which is also that of many brothers here is the "no answer". Although with quite some time on Helahel you get used to it, it still sting sometimes. Getting rejected is fine, but getting rejected by someone who didn't even bother: 1) opening your message, 2) checking your profile, 3) replying to say they are not interested is hard. I also feel like people are so quick to judge others without taking the time to know them which is a bit sad but well, that's how it is.

That aside whenever someone took the time to reply I had good and genuine conversations. The perfect partner won't necessarily be the one with the perfect picture or the perfect first message (I read your profile). You have to make an effort and in the middle of all the messages some people will eventually stand out. If you only look for the perfect everything you have a higher chance of getting scammed because they are the only ones without any flaws.

You have to remember that there is a reason why all of us came to a website to look for a partner instead of using normal means (parents, mosques, etc). If someone is too perfect there might be something else behind. Be patient and be careful and you might stumble upon a good person.

Amyous

May 22, 2020 03:59

Insh123,so would u rather the other person to reply even though s/he isn't interested and wasted ur time and energy? Bcs I think that will sting more. U get ur hopes up. But then u get rejected.

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smartzy1

May 22, 2020 04:58

We all have wishes and we make plans but Allah is the best planner no matter how we define patience, yet Allah is still the best planner.

Farid

May 22, 2020 08:41

Amyous, yes, they should reply because it's called courtesy. Otherwise, you're just ghosting them, and that's disrespectful.

Insh makes lots of good points, especially in the first paragraph. Sadly, that's just how some people are. They will simply ghost you because they can. The ones who say they wanna be respected are the most ironic ones. I don't know how you can ask for respect when you won't give it yourself (hypocrisy).

Amyous

May 22, 2020 09:37

Farid, I dunno whether it's ur age or what, but ghosting means When a person cuts off all communication with their FRIENDS or the person they're DATING, with zero warning or notice before hand. Because u have relationship, and the other person expected u to reply.
If u say hi to strangerS online and they don't reply back it's not ghosting, dude. And that's not disrespectful. I dunno whether u have a painful experience or what, but don't take it personal. No, I don't owe you anything, why do I need to reply or react to something Im not interested? Unless it's someone u know or ur family know then yeah it maybe is disrespectful. For ur age, u should've known better not to waste ur time for that crap.

Farid

May 22, 2020 10:17

Amyous, maybe “ghosting” wasn’t the best verb, but you clearly understood the point I was making. If you find it acceptable to ignore people who are using a platform for the same purpose as you, then that’s your choice, but it doesn’t make it any less disrespectful. And if you think that’s not disrespectful, well, that’s your opinion. I’m also not sure what “crap” you’re referring to that I shouldn’t waste my time on, but if that “crap” is referring to people who don’t respond, then it’s not like I know that’s the kind of person they are, and I contact them anyway. And I don’t know why you keep bringing up age, unless you’re insinuating level of maturity. I think it’s safe to say that most people here are mature adults.

It’s a matter of courtesy and respect. Someone (another human) reached out to you presumably because they wanna get to know you. They took the time to write you (even if only a couple of words). Acknowledge that with a simple reply. That’s my point. I know you disagree with that, and that’s your right.

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Finaladd

May 22, 2020 12:10

So I wasn't the only one who found "not replying bc its a waste of time" odd.

The major reason how lots of marriages filed into divorce is their lack of understanding each other, and this can simply exist between people at any age, habits, ancestry, financial fulfillment, or country. If you want a wonderful marriage, seek the good mind, with paying attention to some details, but NOT seek the good details with paying attention to some mind.

Any kind of knocking doors is a Rizq from Allah that comes to your foot, and its you who closes or opens it. You may hate a thing although it is good for you, that Allah makes therein much good, and you may love a thing even it is evil for you. Allah knows but you don't.

 

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