The subject title is in quotes because it's not me saying that, rather many women on this site. It's not a direct quote, but they might as well be saying that with the attitudes that they have expressed. I've been on this site since summer 2016, so I've had about 3 and 1/2 years to observe patterns of members. I've observed that, besides the many scammers, there are also women who are legitimately looking to get married, but many of them are only interested in marrying a rich man. Many ask very early on in our correspondence about what I do for a living. When they realize I'm not making a lot of money, I don't hear from them again, or minimally, they express concerns as to how I will provide for the family. Some have wanted me to just come visit them and their family in their country and marry them right there without them even visiting Israel to determine whether or not they would be happy here.
As an American revert with a modest lifestyle, these patterns are very different from what I'm used to in searching for a spouse. What happened to compatibility? In my experience, compatibility has always been the most important thing, and forget about money. Even Americans had a positive attitude in the 1970's when Kenny Loggins and Jim Messina made their hit song "Danny's song". One of the lines went like this:
"Even though we ain't got money, I'm so in love with you honey..."
Full song with lyrics for those who listen to music:
(Those who don't listen can turn down the volume or mute the audio and just read the lyrics as it plays.) Liability statement: This is a Western song written in the peak of the feminism movement. Some say that a Muslima cannot take the surname of her husband. This song is not intended to be an example of Muslim marital values or how love should be. The reference is only to show that even Westernized culture can realize that money doesn't have value in a husband wife relationship.
Money can always be earned and lost; it's up to Allah. Don't we believe that Allah will provide for all of our needs and those of our families when we marry? Where's the Iman here?
On the other hand, isn't it up to a married couple to be a team, live life together, treat each other with respect, make each other happy, etc.? Yes, how two people get along is also up to Allah, but Allah also gave human beings the intelligence to determine if there's a possibility of success with our effort and Allah's blessing, or if the relationship is doomed to failure from the start due to incompatibility.
I turned down a woman who claimed to be wealthy because I didn't think we were compatible. I'm looking for a wife to be my companion for life. What good are riches if (what is supposed to be) one's most intimate relationship is miserable? Why do so many women on this site expect happiness with a rich life?
If I indicated wealth in my profile, I could probably have 1000 wives (if Islam permitted more than 4). But because my lifestyle is modest, many nice women simply aren't interested.
To be frank, I don't want to marry a woman who wants to marry a wallet! Lol I want to marry someone who loves me for me. If I were rich, I would be suspicious of any woman interested in marrying me because it would be difficult if not impossible to determine if she really loved me or just wanted my money.
I'm aware that Islam requires the husband to provide for his family's needs. However, "needs" and "wants" are completely different. Does this requirement to provide mean that I have to let my wife buy herself a new designer dress every week? Let's say she needs a car - must I buy her a Mercedes?
Obviously my basic needs such as food are being met, because I'm alive and on the internet. So what's the problem?
May Allah guide us all to discern what is truly important when searching for a spouse, and thereby bless us all with the spouses of our dreams.
Please feel free to express your feelings on this topic, including personal opinions and/or Islamic teachings on this issue. I apologize if I have offended anyone's religious or cultural sensitivities.