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Is Ghosting Or Lying Worse?

Is Ghosting Or Lying Worse?

Farid Created Jan 14, 2020 23:26
9 Comments

Interesting article from Tinder. I've met countless people who do this. Human behavior is so interesting. I've never really understood why people treat others the way they would *not* want to be treated. Reminds me of the Holocaust: Jews were treated horribly, and now, they're doing the same thing to the Palestinians. I used that reference on purpose to serve as an extreme analogy as to why some people treat others with so much disrespect.
https://swipelife.tinder.com/post/he-lied-to-me?utm_source=email&utm_campaign=1%2F14

 

This topic has 9 comments

OpenHeart

Jan 15, 2020 00:14

It’s Nothing New. Let’s face it the human condition has never been a utopia where everyone is unfailingly kind, thoughtful, and respectful. There have always been and there will always be mean, rude, and disrespectful people. Even the Greek philosophers complained of the problem two thousand or so years ago – Plato famously ranted about the ill-mannered and disrespectful behaviour of youths.

Generally, it’s up to us (hopefully) more measured and reasonable individuals to tolerate what we view as unacceptable behaviour or to respond, for better or worse, in whatever way seems right in the circumstances.

Although the frustrations and stresses of modern-day life are clearly a factor, there are many influences and conditions that cause people to be rude, disrespectful, and inconsiderate. The possible causes may be:

1. LOW SELF-ESTEEM. A careful observation of many rude individuals will reveal that they are deeply insecure, with low self-confidence and a lack of understanding about human behaviour.

2. PERSONAL PROBLEMS. None of us are immune to feeling stress related to our close relationships, our work, or to any number of other factors. No matter how well we think we’re handling personal crap, there are times when our frustrations and anger make us lash out verbally in situations we’d normally sail through with a smile. In this case, it’s worth remembering that WE are the ones who are being rude or mean. When we’re under such strain, it’s easy to act before thinking and do or say things which are at best impolite and at worst actively rude.

3. LEARNED BEHAVIOUR. No two value systems in families and upbringings are the same. If you were brought up in a home environment where harsh words were the norm and it wasn’t unusual for objects to be thrown around in anger, clearly you’d see that as acceptable behaviour. And, of course, it can and does get way worse than that. Living on the edge has become internalized for these people and, as a result, they respond accordingly when they are enraged by others. These people just do not know any better, not having been exposed to any other way of handling stress.

4. PERSONALITY DISORDERS. Such negative and anger-ridden childhood experiences as those described above can lead to the development of actual personality disorders and ultimately to behaviour which is seen as mean, rude, or disrespectful. Those with conditions such as Borderline Personality Disorder and Narcissistic Personality Disorder often appear rude or inconsiderate due to a lack of empathy and a tendency to disregard others’ feelings.

5. CULTURAL DIFFERENCES. In our multi-cultural, ever-shrinking world, where we constantly rub shoulders with people from other countries governed by a totally different set of values and etiquette, this is more important than we might think. What’s thought to be rude and unacceptable behaviour in one culture might be encouraged in another.

6. 'BRAIN STRAIN' Caused By Technology Overload. Undoubtedly, the rapid rise of digital data and technology has led to an exponential increase in the pace of life. Juggling mobile phones, the insistent and oh-so-hard-to-ignore demands of social media, and the online information explosion leaves people bombarded with constant demands on their attention that didn’t exist as little as 15 years ago. This relentless activity, with its urgent requirement for immediate action, can create ‘brain strain’ (not an actual clinical diagnosis!), leading to anxiety and stress, and, in turn, to aggravation and aggressive behaviour. People are overloaded and overwhelmed and politeness has been sacrificed on the altar of technology.

7. EMOTIONAL IMMATURITY and LOW EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE. Some people, for whatever reason, may not yet have matured in the emotional sense. Perhaps they never will. They are emotionally unintelligent. When they act in a way that hurts others, they do so, in part, because they lack the awareness to consider the impact of their actions. Since they cannot comprehend their behaviour as hurtful, they see no reason not to engage in it. They have no mental checks in place to stop them from acting in such ways.

Try to develop a rudeness filter. Remind yourself that there may be so much more than just plain rudeness going on and filter out your instinctive response. Whether the reason is emotional, social, psychological, or cultural, there will be some trigger or other for the behavior you find hurtful or unacceptable. Whatever the issues behind the behavior – any one of the above or a whole host of others – you have no control over the circumstances underlying the action. But you can control how you respond. It’s so easy to get upset by rude comments, especially if they’re personal. You’ll render their hurtful words powerless, though, if you choose to treat them as their problem, not yours. Remember that you have a choice in the way you react and responding like-for-like is rarely the best response.

OpenHeart

Jan 15, 2020 00:28

Being deceitful or lying is bad because lying diminishes trust between human beings. Ghosting is disappearing from someone’s life mysteriously and without explanation as well as ignoring the other person’s attempts to reach out or communicate. Both are wrong and hurtful.

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Ana

Jan 15, 2020 02:48

People use a mechanism called avoiance. They use it in islam as well. I think outside of Islam its called ghosting. This technique is used to to avoid negative energy.

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Ana

Jan 15, 2020 02:51

Keep in mind that not every new person you meet, especially on a computer screen knows exactly how you want to be treated.

Farid

Jan 15, 2020 03:41

Ana, I disagree. When people don’t have the courage to be honest, they ghost. It’s easier. The article mentions how belittling that can be for the other party. It’s the same concept in Islam and outside: respect others.

It’s not about being behind a computer screen, nor is it about hoping that the other person knows how you want to be treated. It’s about common human decency. That’s something many people, including Muslims (especially nowadays), lack, unfortunately. Again, the article, which I found very informative, talks about that.

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Ana

Jan 15, 2020 04:51

Cool you found it informative. 🙂

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Ana

Jan 15, 2020 04:55

And its good you love being polite.

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Ana

Jan 15, 2020 07:49

If someone hasn't the courage... I suppose its always difficult when someone doesn't have enough courage.

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Ana

Jan 15, 2020 07:51

Some people lack in certain areas of thier character. I don't have a preference ghost or lie to me. 🙂

 

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