Helahel

Stop focusing on looks

Stop focusing on looks

Farid Created Dec 28, 2019 03:10
33 Comments

I really don't understand why women say they want a religious man with good qualities, then take one look at him and run for the hills. It makes no sense. Please stop lying to yourselves and to everyone else. It makes you look like a hypocrite. If you want a GQ model, say so in your post so that we don't waste our time, instead of lying about the other stuff that is supposedly important to you. If you do happen to find prince charming, but then he treats you like dirt, then what good are his looks (unless you like being mistreated)? No one's perfect with the best looks, including you.

Thanks for reading.

 

This topic has 33 comments

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Ana

Dec 28, 2019 03:21

I can only suppose those women you have had that experience with prefer a man with good qualities, practices religion, and looks pleasing to their particular eye. If you feel its a waste of time speaking to women to find one you prefer, then you always have other options available to you.

smartzy1

Dec 28, 2019 03:32

I'm not surprised we're living in hypocritical world.
Just pray along with your adventure @Farid

Amir

Dec 28, 2019 04:02

Focused on looks would be Chinese girls are increasing their height thru painful surgery of breaking leg bone.

Farid

Dec 28, 2019 04:54

Ana, I'm not entirely sure you understood my point. I said it's a waste of time when they (the women) are not being honest about what they want. You are effectively wasting my time when you do that because you are misleading others with what you're looking for. Besides, you, as the female, close countless doors when you base your decision solely on looks.

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Ana

Dec 28, 2019 05:13

I'm sorry that has happened to you.

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Ana

Dec 28, 2019 05:17

I can only suppose some people are not that professional at writing a profile.

smartzy1

Dec 28, 2019 09:40

@Ana it's not about been professional at writing a profile.
She doesn't have to be professional before someone understand what she want but when she fakes it then she's a professional liar and a professional hypocrate.

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Ana

Dec 28, 2019 09:53

Alhammdullia, We are put here to learn how to deal with it.

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Ana

Dec 28, 2019 09:54

I can only suppose Allah is watching to see how you deal and learn from these experiences. 🙂

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Ana

Dec 28, 2019 10:30

Please excuse me, i was trying to help you understand the situation,i thought thats why you put up the post. But i was wrong. Sorry.

Farid

Dec 29, 2019 01:00

Ana, there's no need to apologize. I appreciate your input. It's just been a very frustrating experience. Not even really sure I wanna marry a Muslim anymore because they are just too much of a headache.

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Ana

Dec 29, 2019 01:24

I could tell your frustrated by the posting. 🙂Yet, i know you realise by complaining, it isnt going to solve any of that frustration brother, nor make everyone have a awesome reality check either..its probably best to use this site as one of your dating options. When you meet people in real life, they see your physical first...so if that is there main priority..the rest of the meeting will occur with less frustration. So, make sure you utilise your choices brother and Peace be upon your soul once more. 🙂

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Ana

Dec 29, 2019 01:36

Complaining on the site your looking on, will most probably decrease your chances of finding someone.

Farid

Dec 29, 2019 02:10

By posting on here, I am letting them know that I know what they're doing (for those who actually read these forums), and maybe even helping other brothers who are facing similar issues. Given the quality of women on this site, I don't think my chances of finding a good sister will be significantly effected.

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Ana

Dec 29, 2019 02:16

Gees, thanks.

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Ana

Dec 29, 2019 02:17

Im sorry we don't grade high enough for you. May Allah bless you with someone to love. As salaam alikum.

Farid

Dec 29, 2019 02:35

Once again, I think you've misunderstood my comment. Don't take it personal. I wasn't referring to you. It is directly tied to my original post where "quality" refers to sisters looking for the things that should matter in a man (deen, taqwa, character, etc). The ironic thing is some sisters say a guy is not good looking enough as the reason they're not interested, yet they're no Miss Universe themselves. If you want Shah Rukh Khan (or Brad Pitt, or Tom Cruise), then you'd better be a Victoria's Secret model.

So, when they say they want a religious guy, but place attraction as their top (and maybe only) priority, that's the lack of "quality" I am referring to. Its meaning was a little ambiguous in that context, so I don't blame you for interpreting it differently.

Masalaama.

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Ana

Dec 29, 2019 02:50

Ok, well only time will tell if your words are effective for you.

Pure Heart

Dec 29, 2019 03:10

Salam Farid,

Out of curiosity to your statement of some sisters putting good looks as their priority, how many have you come across saying this in here?

Farid

Dec 29, 2019 04:46

Walaykum assalaam. I have not met anyone that has literally said that (who would admit something like that?). It's the actions that indicate this. It's like they say: actions speak louder than words. Not just in here. In real life, too.

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Ana

Dec 29, 2019 04:58

I feel real pity for you brother. I hope you meet some women that don't do that to you.

Farid

Dec 29, 2019 05:22

Thanks...I think, but I don't need your pity. Jazāk Allāhu Khayr for your well wishes.

Insh123

Dec 29, 2019 23:16

Salam brother @Farid

I learned something being on this website. If a woman comes here looking for a husband she's usually serious. But after receiving hundreds of daily messages from multiple men she slowly starts to get affected. Her ego grows and now her "criterias" also change. At first she wanted a good muslim man. But now she wants one with a six figure job. 6ft tall and big beard. But also look like a model. And having so many options cloud their judgement. They will leave a good brother because he doesn't look good enough or doesn't fit 100% of their criterias. All I can say is that I wish for them to find that perfect husband. Though I'm not sure they will find him here.

As for us brothers let's just keep being ourselves. As long as you have a good profile describing who you are and what you want in a woman there will always be a sister interested in you regardless of how you look, where you live or how much you make. Don't lose hope.

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Ana

Dec 30, 2019 00:35

Good. I'll just keep being myself as well. Good. 🙂

Pure Heart

Dec 30, 2019 07:40

I think i have always been myself all this time but l seem to attract scammers 99 % of the time 🤨

Pure Heart

Dec 30, 2019 07:40

I think i have always been myself all this time but l seem to attract scammers 99 % of the time 🤨

SamirDZ

Dec 30, 2019 13:53

Salam to all
@ Farid
brother, women in general don't care about the appearance of a man if he has money, even if a truck hit his face and was disfigured and became looking like an alien monster. Money negates any imperfection.
We are at the ends of times, don't be astounded if a thousand girls refuse you, because in my city Jijel most men are good looking, yet some of my friends propose to over 20 girls, and were refused, and my friends are even more beautiful than the girl themselves.
Most of my friends are 37-.38 years old and still single, because of the materialistic influence of hollywood and the fake romance movies, TV shows of bollywood, Korea, Turkey, Mexico....etc, where they portray a perfect life, a man obviously with a lot of make up on him and special effects of cameras and light, so he appears like an anime character, with perfect smooth skin, maybe with some pumped muscles with steroids, he has a fancy car or even lots of super cars, a private property that you need a vehicle to be able able to cross and explore it. When he asks the hand of the heroine, he gives her a diamond ring, lots of gifts, a trip to Bora Bora, and a spectacular beyond extravagant wedding and engagement celebration.
Do you expect most of women now to be content with you, you who are a simple guy, who doesn't speak 7 languages, who doesn't own a cruise or a big yacht, a 10 million $ house, a private jet............
I looked online and in real life for many years for a wife, and didn't find, until she found me. Just make dua to Allah taala, He is the Provider, and dua can change fate.

Farid

Jan 1, 2020 01:18

Insh123, you're right. They're looking for perfection, and they'll never find it because it doesn't exist. What I find ironic is when they then complain that there are no "good" men left. They dug their own grave, and some don't even realize it. But as you side, we should continue being who we are, and maybe ʾIn shāʾ llāh, the right one will come along. Al-ḥamdu lillāh I don't need a woman to be happy. I'm actually quite content with my life.

SamirDZ, most of the women I've spoken to never asked about money because the conversation didn't get to that point. So while this may be true for some women (the gold diggers), I don't think it's true for most. In any case, I've met enough to know why we have a marriage crisis. And unless they wake up, some (or most) of these women may never get married, and it will probably be no one's fault but their own. May Allah guide us all.

Zeinab58

Jan 1, 2020 07:47

Salaam all
I haven’t read all comments but I think this goes both ways - men also want the Hollywood/Bollywood wife.
As for money - which woman isn’t looking for security in marriage - but it has been taken too far. On the other hand many brothers don’t even mention financial matters when talking to a sister - about how he is going to support his future family - after all this is the man’s responsibility in islam.

Attraction is important, but shouldn’t be the main focus, but we can’t deny our likes and dislikes.

Sadly we live in a world where superficial is more important than our islamic values. Culture takes priority over islam.

Allah guide us.

Farid

Jan 7, 2020 03:16

Your last line is the very problem with Muslims these days, especially the women in my experience.

Btw, when a female uses the line “man’s responsibility in Islam”, she needs to understand that it goes full circle. Some women use Islam only when it benefits them, and disregards it when it doesn’t. That’s called a double standard. That might even be a reason it hasn't worked out for me yet. I can’t stand hypocrisy, and I call it out when I see it.

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Ana

Jan 7, 2020 03:40

You may well be living a double standard like you say, and it may be the reason you have not found a partner. If something doesn't occur when you want it to, it may well be that Allah is trying to get you to learn about yourself in some way. Its good to reflect on ones being. To be realistic, i have met and know many Muslims that are good people, even though they may have hypocrisy or be materialistic in one way or another, they still have many golden qualities that shine in their lives. You just have to ACCEPT that finding someone suitable takes time. There are billions of people who believe in Allah across the world.. plenty of fish in the sea. 🙂

Farid

Jan 7, 2020 22:47

I think you meant to say that I am seeing a double standard in others, not that I am living one (meaning I am a double standard myself), but correct me if I’m wrong. I’m sure there are decent Muslims out there, but sadly, most of the ones I’ve met have been very shallow (or unrealistic).

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Leenah

Jan 10, 2020 16:25

I’ll call it 2 poids 2 mesures and it fits more men than women. When it fits a woman, meaning she’s selling/using her outside beauty.
A woman with an inner beauty won’t ever uses 2 poids 2 measures. She’ll devote herself to her husband and kids until she’ll wake up from maybe or eventually 2 poids 2 mesures used by her #husband adding a huge slap in the face/back.

No one can know what a couple deal with, everyday life.

 

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