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Attributes of the ideal Muslim husband

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Attributes of the ideal Muslim husband

Anon Created Nov 29, 2019 20:19
31 Comments

Question

i am a 18 yrs old girl who had been asked in marriage 5 times so far, and i have refused all of them becuase i was young ... however, now im considering marriage ... so my question is what should i look for to have a good muslim husband? and what are the most important things ... jazak allah khair



Answer

Praise be to Allaah.

We appreciate your eagerness to find out the attributes which will help you to choose a righteous husband, in shaa Allaah. There follows a description of the most important qualities which should be present in the man whom you choose or accept to be your husband and the father of your children, if Allaah decrees that you will have children.

Religious commitment. This is the most important thing to look for in the man you want to marry. The husband should be a Muslim who adheres to all the laws and teachings of Islam in his daily life. The woman’s guardian (wali) should strive to check out this matter and not rely only on outward appearances. One of the most important things to ask about is the man’s prayer (salaah); the one who neglects the rights of Allaah is more likely to neglect the rights of others. The true believer does not oppress or mistreat his wife; if he loves her, he honours her, and if he does not love her, he does not mistreat or humiliate her. It is very rare to find this attitude among those who are not sincere Muslims. Allaah says (interpretation of the meanings):

“and verily, a believing slave is better than a (free) Mushrik (idolater), even though he pleases you” [al-Baqarah 2:221]

“Verily, the most honourable of you with Allaah is that (believer) who has At-Taqwaa [i.e. he is one of the Muttaqoon (the pious)]” [al-Hujuraat 49:13]

“Good statements are for good people (or good women for good men) and good people for good statements (or good men for good women)” [al-Noor 24:26]

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:

“If there comes to you one whose religious commitment and attitude pleases you, then marry [your female relative who is under your care] to him, for if you do not do that, there will be tribulation on earth and much corruption.” (Narrated by al-Tirmidhi and classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Sunan al-Tirmidhi, 1084).

As well as being religiously committed, it is preferable that he should come from a good family and a known lineage. If two men come to propose marriage to one woman, and they are equal in terms of religious commitment, then preference should be given to the one who comes from a good family that is known for its adherence to the commands of Allaah, so long as the other person is not better than him in terms of religious commitment – because the righteousness of the husband’s close relatives could be passed on to his children and his good origins and lineage may make him refrain from many foolish and cheap actions. The righteousness of the father and grandfather are beneficial to the children and grandchildren. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And as for the wall, it belonged to two orphan boys in the town; and there was under it a treasure belonging to them; and their father was a righteous man, and your Lord intended that they should attain their age of full strength and take out their treasure as a mercy from your Lord” [al-Kahf 18:82].

See how Allaah protected their father’s wealth for the two boys after the father died, as an honour to him because of his righteousness and taqwaa. By the same token, if the husband comes from a righteous family and his parents are good, Allaah will make things easy for him and protect him as an honour to his parents.

It is good if he has sufficient wealth to keep him and his family from having to ask people for anything, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to Faatimah bint Qays (may Allaah be pleased with her), when she came to consult him about three men who had proposed marriage to her, “As for Mu’aawiyah, he is a poor man who has no wealth…” (Narrated by Muslim, 1480). It is not essential that he should be a businessman or rich, it is sufficient for him to have an income that will keep him and his family from having to ask people for anything. If there is a choice between a man who is religiously committed and a man who is wealthy, then the religious man should be given preference over the wealthy man.

It is preferable that he should be kind and gentle towards women, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to Faatimah bint Qays, in the hadeeth quoted above, “As for Abu Jaham, his stick never leaves his shoulder”, referring to the fact that he used to beat women a lot.

It is good if he is sound of body and healthy, free of faults, sickness, etc., and not disabled or sterile.

It is preferable that he should have knowledge of the Qur’aan and Sunnah; if you find someone like this it is good, otherwise you should realize that this is something rare.

It is permissible for the woman to look at the man who comes to propose marriage, and for him to look at her. This should be in the presence of her mahram, and it is not permitted to look more than is necessary, or for him to see her alone, or for her to go out with him on her own, or to meet repeatedly for no reason.

According to Islam, the woman’s wali (guardian) should check on the man who proposes marriage to the woman who is under his guardianship; he should ask those whom he trusts among those who mix with him and who know him, about his commitment to Islam and his trustworthiness. He should ask them for an honest opinion and sincere, sound advice.

Before and during all of this, you must turn towards Allaah and pray to Him to make it easy for you and help you to make a good choice and to grant you wisdom. Then after all these efforts, when you have decided on a particular person, you should pray Istikhaarah, asking Allaah for that which is good. For more details on Salaat al-Istikhaarah, please see Question # 2217. Then after you have done your utmost, put your trust in Allaah, for He is the best of helpers, may He be glorified.

Adapted from Jaami’ Ahkaam al-Nisaa’ by Shaykh Mustafaa al-‘Adawi.

We ask Allaah, the Exalted, the Powerful, to make things easy for you, to help you make a wise choice, and to bless you with a righteous husband and good offspring, for He is Able to do all that. May Allaah bless our Prophet Muhammad.

https://islamqa.info/en/answers/5202/attributes-of-the-ideal-muslim-husband

 

This topic has 31 comments

Amir

Nov 30, 2019 01:31

Now you'll get asked 5 more times.

SamirDZ

Nov 30, 2019 11:06

You are still very very very young, for marriage, because the prophet peace be upon him married Aisha when she was 9 years old, and was engaged to her when she was 6 years old. And it was normal, no disbelievers bashed him for that, because that was and will be the norm.
I advise you to wait until your teeth fall down, and wrinckles fill your face, and your backbone bend, so approximately when you become 48 or 58 then you should consider marriage.

You are a true hero who have refused 5 marriage proposals. That's amazing, truelly magnificent and outstanding. You should go on the streak and achieve 5000 marriage refusals, and you will unlock the x-box most demanded girl in the century achievement.

The attributes you should seek in a man are:
Money and lots of money. Because money buys happiness.
Status and social status, because status is money.
Gold and diamonds, because they are money and money buys love and everything else.
Fame, because fame brings money and more money.


SamirDZ

Nov 30, 2019 11:07

@ Amir
Stupid silly shallow retarded girls and women. They are lab rats for satan and the new world order and the feminism movement.

Mr Niceness 😎

Nov 30, 2019 11:19

#SamirDZ..
Your comments are truly awesome and brutally honest.

SamirDZ

Nov 30, 2019 17:11

@ Enigma
Thanks brother, it is the bitter truth. May Allah subhanahu wa taala guide the ummah to the straight path.

Mr Niceness 😎

Nov 30, 2019 18:37

#SamirDZ
Ameen..

Peace Guy

Nov 30, 2019 19:46

@Anon
Waalaykumassaalam Sister Anon,

First, I would like to state that I do not hate any Muslim, nor any group of Muslim schools. Where there may be difference in interpretation, one or the other may be in error, but it is not ours to judge. Allah guides all, and you already quoted the source in one of my posts.

At first reading, I was shocked at the sarcastic comments to this thread. Then I realized that these brothers know why you are here on this site. I then understood why they commented what they did.

What really shows the truth is one who is truthful. Who has written that they are 36, divorced with 6 kids and asking for advice, then suddenly they post that they are 18, single and asking for advice? You should have prefaced your fatwa post with something that allows the readers to recognise that this is not your situation - rather, a hypothetical discussion about an 18 year old.

I don't want to listen to someone who speaks or writes or behaves like the shaytan. If you want to do dawah to me, be straight. If you talk the talk, walk the walk. Set an example. Show the example. Live the example.

If your deceptive behavior is an example of the group that you represent, then I don't want to have anything to do with it.

May Allah guide the ummah to the honest straight path of our beautiful deen.

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Rabiah

Nov 30, 2019 19:56

Marry someone your heart beats for! 🙂 Simple.

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Rabiah

Nov 30, 2019 19:57

If your heart beats for them, then the attributes are right for you. Simple

Sellah waingo43yrs

Nov 30, 2019 20:53

1. Deen.
2. Parents reaction to the person.. older wiser
3. How the person treats others especially less fortunate..
4. The man should love the girl more..
5. The heart has nothing to do with it.. marry with your head not heart..if the person excites you and makes your heart go paragasha.. don't marry them..trouble ahead.....
Brother Samir you have some heavy insults and still hope to get a wife here?

Pure Heart

Dec 1, 2019 02:58

Salam everyone
@Sellah...i like your honest feedback..ty for sharing
@Anon
I was wondering why some men in here responded negatively to your question. Then I realized that you wrote saying you are 18 but your profile says you are over 30, thus the various responds. It is not wrong to ask a legit question but it is wrong to deceive people.
I hope that you have found your answer and at the same time regret deceiving people. May Allah swt guide you the right path. InsyaAllah

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Rabiah

Dec 1, 2019 03:02

Take best advice from our Prophet peace be upon his soul. If two people love each other, lwt them marry one another. 🙂

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Anon

Dec 1, 2019 06:21

🧐 if it wasn’t clear that I was just copying and pasting an article to do with finding a spouse as an advice to me and my sisters here la howla wala quwatta illa billah.

Apparently I need a foreword to clarify a simple post. Or else I get struck with hammers and nails by everyone in this clique and even get called iblees by my “fellow Muslims.”

How straight forward was this post and how deviant were the replies, subhanallah.

The first few brothers commenting were as expected; cynical and rather funny. Thanks for the eyeroll.

But what was not expected were insults and accusations of deception and who I really am. Where is our husn ul thunn, where is our advise privately if u see us in error?

Subhanallah, just dumbfounded how ignorant people can really be and even lead others astray with them. Calling someone out for something that you’ve created in your silly little mind publicly says more about u than it does about me. It’s shows you’re pathetic and how bad your intentions really were/are.

Where’s your akhlaq? Bad behavior approves bad behavior. Others have also jumped on the bandwagon accusing me and that will be on your scroll of deeds too alhamdulillah. @Pure heart, who are you? Do u know me? 🙄 sheep everywhere.

I understand what the boys do on this forum and it’s to try to intimidate women. Not that different to the real world tbh. I don’t expect anyone to have exemplary behavior like the prophet ﷺ but no brothers that commented here even come close. Doesn’t make you wonder why they’re still single though.

I’d like to remind everyone of the hadith of if u hear something about someone ask before you spread it and ask about the person spreading it.

Also, sharing personal info that I’ve shared with you is just a lack of ethics and morality. Things I’ve not stated on my profile and u airing them publicly is rather deviant. Such disappointing behavior from someone I was willing to go the extra mile for before I learned your aqeedah.

I can feel the hate in your heart towards the truth and I can understand why Allah has not guided you. Only He knows what’s in the hearts and what they conceal. May Allah allow us to see the truth as truth and keep us on it and allow us to see falsehood as falsehood and keep us away from it. Ameen ya rabb.

Alhamdulillah, Allah saved me from another bad choice.

Barek Allahu feekum my dear sisters that understood the point of the post and posted positively. May Allah grant us all what’s best. Ameen.



Pure Heart

Dec 1, 2019 08:35

Salam Anon,

I am merely stating an opinion which I felt was honest as it wasn’t stated that it was forwarded as a good discussion topic. It did look like a deception from my perspective and even if I do not know you personally, you should look at my comment with an open mind from my point of view.
It was a simple misunderstanding and a simple apology would clarify everything, thats all. But if you decide otherwise, it’s your choice because the topic came from you.
I don’t condemn anyone because I believe there are always two sides of the story and I am glad you came back with your version. If you still feel I am wrong, that is your prerogative. Clear communication, open mindedness and being humble are key ingredients in an open discussion.
I was merely voicing my honest thoughts as I see it.
May Allah swt guide us to be a better person. InsyaAllah

Pure Heart

Dec 1, 2019 08:35

Salam Anon,

I am merely stating an opinion which I felt was honest as it wasn’t stated that it was forwarded as a good discussion topic. It did look like a deception from my perspective and even if I do not know you personally, you should look at my comment with an open mind from my point of view.
It was a simple misunderstanding and a simple apology would clarify everything, thats all. But if you decide otherwise, it’s your choice because the topic came from you.
I don’t condemn anyone because I believe there are always two sides of the story and I am glad you came back with your version. If you still feel I am wrong, that is your prerogative. Clear communication, open mindedness and being humble are key ingredients in an open discussion.
I was merely voicing my honest thoughts as I see it.
May Allah swt guide us to be a better person. InsyaAllah

Pure Heart

Dec 1, 2019 08:35

Salam Anon,

I am merely stating an opinion which I felt was honest as it wasn’t stated that it was forwarded as a good discussion topic. It did look like a deception from my perspective and even if I do not know you personally, you should look at my comment with an open mind from my point of view.
It was a simple misunderstanding and a simple apology would clarify everything, thats all. But if you decide otherwise, it’s your choice because the topic came from you.
I don’t condemn anyone because I believe there are always two sides of the story and I am glad you came back with your version. If you still feel I am wrong, that is your prerogative. Clear communication, open mindedness and being humble are key ingredients in an open discussion.
I was merely voicing my honest thoughts as I see it.
May Allah swt guide us to be a better person. InsyaAllah

Pure Heart

Dec 1, 2019 08:35

Salam Anon,

I am merely stating an opinion which I felt was honest as it wasn’t stated that it was forwarded as a good discussion topic. It did look like a deception from my perspective and even if I do not know you personally, you should look at my comment with an open mind from my point of view.
It was a simple misunderstanding and a simple apology would clarify everything, thats all. But if you decide otherwise, it’s your choice because the topic came from you.
I don’t condemn anyone because I believe there are always two sides of the story and I am glad you came back with your version. If you still feel I am wrong, that is your prerogative. Clear communication, open mindedness and being humble are key ingredients in an open discussion.
I was merely voicing my honest thoughts as I see it.
May Allah swt guide us to be a better person. InsyaAllah

Pure Heart

Dec 1, 2019 08:38

Salam,
I apologize the respond came back two times. My bad and wassalam.

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Anon

Dec 1, 2019 09:37

Pardon my ignorance sis, but what am I supposed to apologize for? I don’t need to personalize a post for people to understand that it was merely a useful article for a marriage forum. I wonder, if the admin posted it, will their intentions be pulled apart like this? Subhanallah.

I fail to understand how this means I’m deceptive and these accusations that keep flying my way are just ridiculous. You have insulted me, accused me and slandered me. You should be seeking my forgiveness not the other way around. However, I cannot make u understand what Allah has kept covered for u and the same goes with me, I cannot understand what Allah has covered from me.

May Allah grant us hidayyah and forgive us all.



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Maryam

Dec 1, 2019 10:32

Salam my brothers and sisters in Islam,

I pray you all in the best of health and iman.


Firstly,
I won't talk much here, as I'm full aware that shaytan everywhere around us to spread hatred even between muslim brothers and sisters. I respect all of my muslim brothers and sisters, so I just want to reminds about this hadith:


Al-Bukhari and Muslim narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him speak good or else keep silent …”


I just want to sincerely ask a request,
Can we stop using harsh words and statements towards our muslim brothers and sisters?
Would Allah be pleased if we didn't show adab and akhlaq of a good muslim, especially towards our muslim brothers and sisters -eventhough in online world?


Secondly,
I believe spread dawah in a good manner would be easier to be accepted sincerely than in a harsh way. After all hidayah is in the hands of Allah, we just have to do in a good way and pray the best for all. And I believe there's also an adab to reminds each other in private than publicly, I just feels it's a bit unappropriate as a muslim for doing that, and seems such bullying and embarass people in public. Can we stop hurting each other brothers and sisters in Islam. Tbh I usually don't want to get involve much in forums.


Thirdly,
I think everyone were just missunderstood, sister anon didn't mean to deceive anyone. She just copy paste and share a good discussion article about that theme for sisters to learn it, didn't tell about her own case.


Lastly,
I ask apologise if I'm wrong with my words. As I full realise I'm not perfect and never could be free from mistakes and sins, so I also open up for reminders from everyone. And as I said, would more appreciate it if in private. And once again please let's just speak good, or keep silent.

Jazakumullah khayran.


SamirDZ

Dec 1, 2019 11:10

@ Anon
It ain't cynical. It is the sad bitter morbid truth. Girls tend to be proud and get haughty of how many men proposed to them and they turned them down. STUPID and PITIFUL the least I can say about such girls.
You're right about giving advice in private. Still this is a forum for debating,and giving opinions. When someone says his or her opinion which contradicts yours, it doesn't mean neccessarily an insult to you. Apart from the direct apparent insults, that is.
Take it easy sister. You should too, as you claim, to not call others badly. You should pray for their hidayah and forgiveness from Allah taala.

SamirDZ

Dec 1, 2019 11:35

@ Anon
Sheep in the stable Even though I did use harsh words, but what can I do. Satan used women to ruin men. Wether you like it or not that's the fact. And since the woman is more than half the society and it's her who gives birth to the other part of society. So corrupting her would mean corrupting the whole society.
Why the age of marriage was raised to +18???
Why they have illegalized polygamy almost worldwide, and even in the Arab world they tightened it severely, so it is nearly impossible to marry more than one???
Why they encourage abortion???
Why they mixed the 2 s*xes in schools, work...???
Why they invented fashion, wearing thin threads as clothes???
Why they are giving women equality with men???
Why do they encourage girls to be independent and have a career???
Why do they show men as the ennemy of women???
Why do they portrait men as rapists, aggressive....????
Why do they encourage free living (no marriage) lesbianism, homosexuality, transsexualism....???
Why do they show women as being powerful and can do it, and can live without men, and even do better than men, and that men are the ones holding them back???
Why all these distractions of sports, TV shows of romances and fake love and fake reality???
Why do they laugh about the prophet peace be upon him and caricaturize him as a pedophile since he married Aisha at the age of 9??? While they rape, torture and eat little children under the ages of 10.

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Anon

Dec 1, 2019 11:39

Barek Allahu feeki sister Maryam for the great reminder and making me feel like all is not lost when everyone is against you.

Samir, thanks for the sincerity in giving advice. Usually when it’s done that way, the point comes across loud and clear. This post did get the better of me by stooping lower than them I guess. May Allah forgive me for that.

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Anon

Dec 1, 2019 11:43

Oh my god there’s more to what you said 😳 ok my reply was in response to the first thing u said. I didn’t realize there was more when I posted. And I guess I have to clarify every little thing when I speak so as not to be thrown under the bus again.

I don’t disagree with your last part though and I don’t understand why u threw it all at me lol.

SamirDZ

Dec 1, 2019 11:45

We should unit, not fight amongst ourselves and insult one another, none of us is an angel, we can claim to be, but we're not and we'll never gonna be.
We must not follow the path of Satan and satanist, we must marry and do polygamy, because it sunna of Allah taala, if you believe in Him Most exalted be He, and His orders. Whether the woman likes or dislikes polygamy, she should accept it, and accept willingly to wear niqab, face cover, because it is the order of her Creator. She should stay home, and go out only for the things allowed to her and if she meets the conditions for her going out.
islam = submission to Allah. (the word God was introduced by the freemasons and satanists, they do witchcraft and kabala, they read backwords, so God is read Dog) Astaghfiru Allah taala. They changed the Bible. And they took over all the churches, and also they infiltrated islam too, even though Quran is protected by Allah taala. The word God never exists, in the Arabian Bible or the jewish Torah, they have the Name Allaha and Elohim, where Eloh means Allah and Im for respect.

SamirDZ

Dec 1, 2019 11:59

@ Anon
You're welcome sister. None of us is infallible.
Both us the brothers or you the sisters won't come close to even the followers of the followers of the followers of Sahaba radia Allahu anhum, let alone the prophet peace be upon him.

Why the brothers are single here can be both their fault or the women's fault too. Perhaps some brothers look for a high level of beauty of the face and body build, while girls look for a certain social status and nationality....etc. You can hadrly ever find a person who tries to imitate the marriage of the predecesors. A very simple marriage, traditional, with a very small walima, no extravagated exagerrated unneccesary costs and demands. No going through scanners to check you in and out, and if you have one worm tooth you aren't accepted as a groom or bride groom, maybe you're one centimeter less tall than the phantasia of the other.............

I appologize, I didn't intend to take on you. This may happen with anyone else.

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Anon

Dec 1, 2019 13:42

Your apology is much appreciated. May Allah make us understand the weight of our words to others and be mindful.

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Samer

Dec 2, 2019 09:29

Let your brother or cousin or someone similar to the age of the man asking your hand to talk to their man and tell you what they think also he should be religious and educated or have a good job also you have to make sure he does not drink

Peace Guy

Dec 3, 2019 08:12

@ Anon
Astaghfirullah!
I was wrong about my accusations and apologize profusely. Please forgive me for my error. I thought that you are here only for dawah and I see now that this is not your intention. I didn't mean to embarrass you publicly. May this confession heal some of the damage (although it is very difficult to undo an impression that has been given).

@ Maryam
You are right, I should have sent my comments in a private message. That way Anon could have replied privately to correct me.

@ everyone
I apologize to all who read this thread.

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Maryam

Dec 3, 2019 09:09

MashaAllah alhamdulillah laa quwwata illa billah.. sincerely thank you so much for every good feed back, my brothers and sisters..

I used to be a silent reader only, but it's so peaceful to see good and wise comments for each other. And it makes me sad to see harsh words and statements between muslim brothers and sisters. So please let's just spread goodness for each other to please Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala.. and thank you so much I really appreciate everyone who have soft hearts to listen to good reminders and try to fix everything better. May Allah always united us in ukhuwah islamiyyah here in this dunya long last until jannah.

Jazakumullahu khairan.

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Anon

Dec 5, 2019 00:02

Alls good. No worries. If u can please delete my personal info that u made public, that’d be appreciated. Thank u.

 

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