Is Marriage Predestined or Merited? : How behavior effects our match.

Is Marriage Predestined or Merited? : How behavior effects our match.

Peace Guy Created Nov 19, 2019 06:41

Islam teaches that everything that happens is predestined. Even if someone grabbed a chicken nugget out of your mouth, we say that the chicken nugget was destined for that other person. Now let's apply this concept to marriage. If marriage is predestined, then even if a person is rude and bullied a marriage candidate, that person will still marry them because it was predestined. Wrong! I don't think that any man or woman will be like a chicken nugget!

Another concept of Islam is reward and punishment. The good believers will merit Jannah and the wicked scoffers will be turned away to their misery. Now let's compare this concept to online meeting. People who follow the rules of Islam (to treat one another with respect) will be rewarded with a spouse, while the scoffing bullies are left unmarried. Don't turn Helahel into hell.

I think that marriage is really a combination and balance of both concepts. We must treat *everyone* with respect and remember to greet back our fellow's "Salaam" with a "Waalaykumassaalam". If you can't treat a stranger with respect, then how can you treat a spouse with respect? Then, when issues come up (all couples have disagreements), that's when the predestination comes to the rescue. The soulmates will politely work out the problems.

May we all *politely merit* to meet our predestined soulmates very soon - Ameen!


This topic has 19 comments

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Deleted User

Nov 19, 2019 16:43

Asalaamu Alaikum, this quote 'Islam teaches that everything that happens is predestined' this is not accurate, e.g., Would dajjal be accountable for his action or a rapist? No, as Allah has given the Jinn and Angles free will to do what they want with guidance. Except for the angles who have no free will and therefore does not commit any sins. If I am wrong, I am open to correction. May Allah guide us All.

Peace Guy

Nov 20, 2019 05:17

@ Jowj
Waalaykumassaalam brother Dr. Jowj. Thanks for bringing up this important issue. You are right in that the word "predestination" is used by other religions to mean something different than what Islam teaches.

What I refer to is Qadar
(القضاء والقدر)
which is a well established belief in Islam. It's too complicated to explain in detail, but briefly to answer your question:

Free choice exists within the Divine Decree, i.e. :

Our prayers do change destiny and are of much help.

Good deeds are a source of an increase in one's sustenance, and can dispel troubles.

Sins result in a decrease in one's livelihood, and invite troubles.

In fact, what you are commenting is the very point I was trying to convey. Our actions on this site (how we are treating our fellow Muslims and potential spouses), are indeed effecting our ability to meet a spouse.

Politeness increases the potential for a blessed match.

Bullying results in a decrease of potential candidates.

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Deleted User

Nov 20, 2019 09:30


"Sins result in a decrease in one's livelihood, and invite troubles."

Does this quote apply to people in war torn countries or third world countries in general?

They say some people in Jannah lived a life full of struggles but when they're asked if they lived a difficult life in dunya they'll say they haven't.

Peace Guy

Nov 20, 2019 21:52

@ Bonjour
I gather that you are asking if all bad situations are a result of one's own sins?

The answer is that not every bad thing is due to a person's actions. Sometimes we are tested. It's not because we did something that we are being "punished" for. I'll use an incident of my own as an example:

I just got a hate message a few minutes ago. I didn't write anything rude to this woman, yet she took out her frustrations on me. She is misguided, and blinded by hatred. I wrote back a verse from the Qur'an. With all of my peaceful posts and comments, I don't think that I did anything to bring this upon myself. If we can be insulted and forgive our brother or sister, we have been successful in deen.

The reason that the person in Jannah feels that they didn't have any difficulties is because they realize that these "struggles" made them better Muslims.

If a person is blessed with poverty, they will appreciate every penny they make. They will be happy with their portion and merit Jannah.

The nonbelievers bring suffering upon themselves. They hate and scoff and will be punished in Jahannam.

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Deleted User

Nov 21, 2019 01:35

Thanks Peace Guy,

Sometimes I don't understand these concepts.

I know someone close to me (May Allah have mercy on her soul) who lived a miserable life, full of struggles. She was a stay at home single mum and problems came one after another in her life. She sadly passed away of cancer.

Maybe we can't really judge a person's life just by looking from an outsider's point of view. What matters really is the state of someone's heart.

A person may look rich and have a good life but we don't know s/he may be miserable in private. On the other hand, a person may also look poor and struggling but s/he may be happy and content.

Peace Guy

Nov 21, 2019 21:02

You are right. I'm sure that your friend is in Jannah. Her life may have been miserable, but even a whole lifetime is nothing in comparison to eternity. May she have eternal bliss - Ameen.

It's interesting how these threads go off on tangents. I never would have thought that the  posted subject would lead to such a wonderful discussion. In an attempt to get back on topic (how our messages can effect getting married), I would like to point out something:

You are being polite in the comments above. You aren't rude or arrogant, and there's no bullying. You have a delightful inquisitive nature and it shows. Perhaps a goodhearted man will read this thread and take notice that you marriage material. He sends you a message. You relpy. The two of you discover that you have many things in common with one another. Moreover, the things that you are weak in are his strengths and visa-versa. Hey, it's what everyone is seeking on this site!

Now let's say that some other woman wrote some nasty hateful things. What decent man would want to message such a rude and arrogant woman?

This concept applies to men also (I only used your comments as an example because it was in the thread - I didn't mean to infer that women are the problem). There is also no reason why a woman can't send the initial message to a man.

Btw, talk about rude...here I am using your comments as a "guinea pig", dissecting the internal components without your permission. Astaghfirullah.

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Deleted User

Nov 22, 2019 00:55

Ameen. SubhanaAllah.

Thanks brother but please don't throw dust in my face. Hehe. And yes no worries I guess the default is to judge / have good intentions on other people.

The statements you said reminds me of the verse:

"Corrupt women are for corrupt men, and corrupt men are for corrupt women; good women are for good men and good men are for good women. The good are innocent of what has been said against them; they will have forgiveness and a generous provision." [24:26]

Everything is pre destined but we have free will to change our qadr through dua and actions. So that's where the merit comes in when we work towards our goals or attract the universe based on our behaviour.

Peace Guy

Nov 22, 2019 06:41

Well put sister! 💯% ✔ 👍

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Deleted User

Nov 25, 2019 16:58

i find that there are alot of corrupt men on this site! most of them are on here the ones i should look out for are the ones who hide behinde falce pictures!! if they heve nothing to hide why would he put a picture of a plane instead of there own face?? food for thought!!

Peace Guy

Nov 26, 2019 22:32

My pictures are (and always have been) in an album. Simply select the airplane from my profile page, and you can view them. They are of me, and have been verified by many women on this site who have had video calls with me. Why don't you buy a track-phone (like I wrote to you on Nov 17th) and you can verify my identity with a video call?

Moreover, I have been on this site since Summer of 2014, and nobody has ever tried to publicly slander me like you are doing here. You lied to me and I verified that lie with a male member who you wrote to on the very same day. That doesn't give you the right to seek revenge by libel.


This is yet another example of how not following our deen is a detriment to a potential marriage.

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Deleted User

Nov 27, 2019 13:38

Assalam aleykum brothers and sisters, I am Samir from Algeria. I would like to warn you about this girl LAURA2000. She is a scammer and she isn't what she claims to be. She wrote to me, and kept telling me that she accepts to be a second wife, even though she is just 19 years old. Besides, she kept telling me if I will allow her to take pills to avoid pregnancy, then another day, she said will you use condoms on me. Her English sucks big time. An Irish person doesn't write her way. Plus she sounds debaucherous and not serious. If she is a girl in the first place.
She was writing to me, and writing to Peace Guy simoultaneously. Telling him that she loves him and chating with me, and probably with other guys too.

Peace Guy

Nov 27, 2019 17:44

I have been on this site since summer of 2016, about 3 1/2 years (2014 written above was a typo; my mistake).

Peace Guy

Nov 27, 2019 17:46

Shukran jazeelan for the verification and warning. Your forum comments have saved me a lot of sorrows.

Peace Guy

Nov 27, 2019 18:12

Just so everyone has a clear understanding of what happened:

I wouldn't be upset with the person involved if she had told me that she wasn't sure of me and wanted to write to other men on the site. It's just that she specifically wrote to me that she loves me, wants to marry me, have children with me, and was coming to this site *only* for me. I was shocked to verify that she had sent a message to someone else (and on the *very same day* that she wrote that I'm her only contact).

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One Love ❤️

Nov 27, 2019 18:57

I have noticed that the usernames which contain odd or weird numbers are fake..

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Deleted User

Nov 27, 2019 19:30

@ Peace Guy
Afwan brother.

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Deleted User

Nov 28, 2019 13:52

@ ENIGMA sure thing. In bestmuslim it is worse than here.
I sent messages to all the girls from Russia and Ukraine, all fake.Aisha1999, aisha 2000, aisha356

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One Love ❤️

Nov 28, 2019 16:20

I would have thought you can't get worse than this site.. lol..
Samir, to be honest this site has toughened me up and i have learned a lot too.. sadly its all negativity and the loss of respect for sisters on here.

Peace Guy

Nov 28, 2019 17:45

Wait a minute, brothers, if anyone is upset it should be me! Yes, we've all had bad experiences, but that doesn't mean that every woman on this site is a scammer.

I have met some really sincere women on this site (it just didn't result in marriage due to issues with relocation, age difference and one family didn't like my lineage).

Please remember Sura Al-Hujurat :11.

According to translation by Muhammad Taqi-ud-Din al-Hilali and Muhammad Muhsin Khan it says what means:

(49:11) "O you who believe! Let not a group scoff at another group, it may be that the latter are better than the former; nor let (some) women scoff at other women, it may be that the latter are better than the former, nor defame one another, nor insult one another by nicknames. How bad is it, to insult one’s brother after having Faith [i.e. to call your Muslim brother (a faithful believer) as: “O sinner”, or “O wicked”, etc.]. And whosoever does not repent, then such are indeed Zalimun (wrong-doers, etc.)."


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