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What muslim men and muslim women of today may want (in my views)

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What muslim men and muslim women of today may want (in my views)

islamisdeen Created Jun 10, 2019 05:29
30 Comments

Most of women of today from east to west would desire about a husband something close to these things:

He must be: tall, handsome, got his money, life intact, clean shaved or very small beard (no long beard man), living away from family, has his own car, must be young and fit, fun and funny and humor, go to work every day, take her to shopping and buy all what she desires or whatever she sees in tv or market lol she should be allowed to have men-friend. So i ask where is the test then? If she gets all that (in a man to marry) then she will start pray 5 times, reading qur'an? otherwise grumpy and mad all the time??? Not even even thinking about Islam?

(and the deen? the last thing she care is about his deen - some would say qur'an and sunnah but qur'an and sunnah is the least thing in their mind for marriage, we seek refuge in Allah from such thoughts to come in our head and thoughts about deen, ameen).

Most of men of today from east to west would desire about a wife something close to these things:

She must be: slim and shady, pretty in looks and smile, being tall is not bad, staying home when he comes back from work, the meal being cooked and ready and house being cleaned lol, obedient and less talker, whatever he does but respect should be given to his views, if he talks with female friends it should be ok, So i ask where is the test dude? If you get that kinda wife before marriage then what is the test upon you? If you get that kinda woman, then you would start learning about tawhid and aqidah and salaath and other things?

(and the deen? the last thing in mind of man of today (mostly) for a wife is about her deen must be checked as well, we seek refuge in Allah from such thoughts to come in our head and mind about deen, ameen)

End result:

Both men and women of today are denying the proposals after proposals and getting older and older; who may not fit in some of these things i have mentioned above. There could be much more could have said as well but these are just ver basics today's Muslim men and women desire. And sadly this is happening through out the world in Muslim ummah. Go and check any Muslim matrimonial website, you would find that kinda attitude in Muslim men and women around the world.

So finding a man/woman who give deen the precedence over worldly affairs is not easy. Yes, a lot of men or women would say in words they give precedence to deen but in actions they are always giving the worldly desires precedence over deen and this results the marriages have become harder and harder. No matter you live in US, UK, Europe, Australia, Canada, Pakistan, India, Bangladesh, UAE, KSA, Egypt, Middle East, Far East or any where else in the world. You wanna find a spouse inside your country or outside, you wanna find them in person, through masjid, through friends or relatives or through matrimonial websites. You would unfortunately find the same attitude in them.


SubhanAllaah, the media control our mindset that deeply? it never happened before the way its happening now adays. We pray to Allah that may He guide us and change our hearts towards in reality of Qur'an and sunnah, not only by words but by actions as well, ameen

 

This topic has 34 comments

Panjshiriy

Jun 10, 2019 18:57

I agree wiht yuo bro
Most of women in thsi site not mrriy
Asian men

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islamisdeen

Jun 10, 2019 21:47

BarakAllahu feek for agreeing.

But i am not talking about this site or any other site. I am talking about what i am witnessing today or i have witnessed before, and what is happening right at this moment in Muslim ummah.

Every man and a woman and a family has an equal right to take decisions of their life.

Peace Guy

Jun 11, 2019 23:03

Yes, brother islamisdeen, we all should keep an open mind and not be so quick to reject a potential match. Many preconceived impressions get in the way of what would otherwise be a good match. The result is that we pass up someone who could have been our soulmate.

Insha'Allah, we will all be guided to our intended spouse and have the patience and wisdom to consider all the good things in a potential match - Ameen.

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islamisdeen

Jun 11, 2019 23:17

Brother Peace Guy, ma sha Allaah, salamu alaikum, long time no see.

As usual, whenever you write its always pleasure to read and learn from your experience. Hope everything your way is good, In sha Allah.

Indeed, i loved this statement of yours: "Many preconceived impressions get in the way of what would otherwise be a good match."

Sometimes preconceived impressions are based on the past experience of our lives. And based on that, we all make decisions as well. And yes sometimes these decisions could be correct and sometimes incorrect. But if those decisions are made through the Qur'an and sunnah then In sha Allah there is always benefit in our lives.

I am sure you would agree with that.

Mohamed

Jun 11, 2019 23:23

Their is other ppl who are searching for Deen brother.. but rare .

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islamisdeen

Jun 11, 2019 23:28

Brother Mohamed, of course there are, no one can deny that, illa ma sha Allah (except upon those whom Allaah has bestowed His mercy).

good muslim

Jun 13, 2019 09:38

i agree with you most men and women are to choosy, that is why people interested in them have to lie, pretend and borrow cars, shoes clothes to get them

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Deleted User

Jul 25, 2019 08:55

I disagree. Beauty is very important both gender. There is hadeeth in bukhari and muslim abo horyra narrated that the prophet muhammed ﷺ said a woman is married for 4 things one of it is for her beauty.

ally

Jul 25, 2019 14:14

Out of the 4 the person practising the seen is the best

ally

Jul 25, 2019 14:15

The seen not seen

ally

Jul 25, 2019 14:16

Mistact again seen and not seen

ally

Jul 25, 2019 14:17

Deen

Amir

Jul 25, 2019 17:06

Those on top wish to reduce the world population so they invented TV, which sets standards so high that population gets reduced by personal choices instead of totalitarian enforcement. Brilliant, isn't it?

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Deleted User

Jul 26, 2019 01:14

I’m glad you don’t speak for me.

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Deleted User

Jul 26, 2019 18:35

Masha'Allah beautiful wordings there. May Allah swt help put us through In Sha Allah.
Jazakallahu kyran brother.

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Rubina

Nov 10, 2019 19:35

Brother i respect your views and i also agree with this
But i have one question why men specially who are above 40-50 wanted their proposal should be accept by Young girls or girls should be agree to be second wife
And if they refuse these
They tell them that they are not true muslima they are not following islam beco
In islam this is permissible and it is a sunnah

Dnot u people think this is o insane to force any girl to accept you in the name of islam and sunnah

SamirDZ

Nov 10, 2019 20:26

@ Amir
Yes brother it is brilliant and wicked, the plan comes from satan/lucifer and goes to his followers, the secret societies.
Depopulation is sick, it isn't just through free choices like not marrying, having abortion, changing s*xes (transexualism)...etc, but also by toxicating us through genetically modified foods and vaccines, so that they kill a lot of us without having to cause many wars. Everybody must throw the TV and hold tight sunna and quran, or else we're doomed soon. Do not let your kids be affected by stars and idols, TV and all the media. Allah subhanahu wa taala will judge you on your kids.
How come a father buys a smart phone for his little daughter, who watch on it all kinds of crap and spends the night awake talking to non mahrams about all kinds of stuff including pnone s*x?!!! How come he allows her to watch filthy p**nographic movies and TV shows that erect the sexual desires?!!!! How come he let her dress immodestly and travel alone for long distances, and stay in the university campus hundreds of miles away, and even in foreign countries?!!!

SamirDZ

Nov 10, 2019 20:31

@ islamisdeen
The indoctrination of the media is very strong and it starts with the little children watching the masonic disney cartoons, of the princess who gets everything, and she marries and be the only wife of a prince who is beautiful and elegant, wealthy, and he must of course come on a white horse

Let's not mention the subliminal messages in the childrens cartoons, they're so packed with them.

Amir

Nov 13, 2019 16:44

In one sentence: Everything the rest want !!!

In USA, Muslims are quick to call you brother (so they don't have to remember your name), but that's about it. They treat you no different than anyone else.

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Samer

Nov 14, 2019 06:10

There's something you missed. ATTITUDE. Attitude is important weather it's face to face or behind a device.
1 in every million people don't make you feel bad when talking chatting to them.

اخلاق is a very important part of Islam.

I see it has been lost in these chat rooms, especially by ladies. But that's ok,they can play hard by being rude, us men are welling to find someone in person who is nice or at least wait until we find a nice spouse

IT IS NOT OK TO BE RUDE.

THESE WOMEN THINK WE MEN HAVE A CRAZY DESIRE FOR THEM, AND LIE OUR WAY UP ,in our achievement

I'm mean even successful men and rich ones aren't trusted. Are those people supposed to go to bad just because they are Rich

AND WE'RE MOSTLY LYING

ITS NOT WEATHER THEY THINK WE MEN LIE, ITS LIKE THEYRE Trying to find out WHAT WE MEN LIE ABOUT

Whereas men keep forgetting and finding this treatment towards them normal.


In fact studies show that low level bullying can be more mentally challenging as it's not seen as obvious and continues for longer, thereby I believe women have found a way to mentally bullying their counterparts just because they know how simple men are.

Well well well, this guy has figured it out and broke the code.

Women Think you are simply

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Leenah

Nov 18, 2019 18:48

Just stop lying to yourself.

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Leenah

Nov 18, 2019 18:48

Just stop lying to yourself.

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Leenah

Nov 18, 2019 19:47

Huge contradictions between what you’re writing/saying and what you’re doing. Most of you, are young, brave, strong 💪 and very clever. So read again your comments and think 🤔 well !

Peace Guy

Nov 19, 2019 06:00

@ Leenah
You are right that men don't realize how their own actions can be intimidating to the women. But to scream at them will only start a fight. I'm going to start a new thread that will be based on the last comments here. Look for:
"Is Marriage Predestined or Merited? : How behavior effects our match.

Peace Guy

Nov 20, 2019 05:12

@ Samer
I think that attitude is very important for anything one does - especially when seeking a potential spouse. Your comments about bullying inspired me to start the thread mentioned above. Please feel free to comment further on that thread. Look for:
"Is Marriage Predestined or Merited? : How behavior effects our match."

Insh123

Nov 22, 2019 02:59

Interesting. I never really stopped to think how my cultural (westernized) background affected my choices in partners. But I can clearly see how I am personally a somewhat "victim" of that through my interactions with the opposite gender on this website.

Peace Guy

Nov 22, 2019 06:32

@Insh
Brother, this paradigm shift is very intriguing. I would like to ask you to elaborate on your comments through a few questions:

In what ways do you feel that your background has effected your choices?

Would you consider the effect as detrimental or advantageous, and why?

Is the realization of this concept significant enough that you may change the way you interact with women on this site? If so, what changes would you try?

Insh123

Nov 23, 2019 13:08

Thank you for the questions brother @Peace Guy, I will try to give you some satisfactory answers.

I was born and am living in a non-muslim country so my views of what a good partner in Islam should be is heavily westernized. I am the opposite of what brother @IslamIsDeen described in his post.

In my search I was looking for someone who has a job or at least with a certain level of financial independance. I was also looking for the degree of religiosity as I am myself a "moderate" and wouldn't click with a full-on religious person. All of which have been ingrained in me since childhood.

I can't say whether it's advantageous or not, I've created my account two weeks ago so I don't have enough data yet. Plus all those criterias I gave are kinda useless here because most of the women don't have a detailed bio and when you message them you have a very slim chance of getting a reply if not never.

I hold my values dearly and I know they aren't necessarily mainstream but I wouldn't change them. And as stated before I haven't interacted with enough women here to form a definitive opinion.

In conclusion, I think the most important is attitude as you said. If you find someone who respects Allah and respects you that should be enough. Unfortunately we are all products of this society.

Peace Guy

Nov 23, 2019 21:38

@Insh
Afwan, and shukran for your comments.

Yes, we are all influenced by our past, and we may or may not be happy with how it effects us. The important thing is that you have come to recognize what you are, and can compare and contrast it with a potential marriage candidate. Always remember that the other person has had an entirely different life experience, and may not be able to understand what you have been through in life. Likewise, you may not be able to relate to their experiences. Just keep an open mind, because even though the background is different, if it compliments your needs, then you have something special.

I see many people seeking someone just like themselves. Well, let's say that his weakness is that he doesn't like cleaning. If she is exactly like him, then who will clean the house? The key is to find the one who corresponds to all the unique things that make you what you are. That doesn't mean a carbon copy of you, but rather a person who compliments you by having what you lack and she lacking what you have, while sharing similar goals and values. All the things that you think are "flaws" in yourself, are in reality the "ideal" of your soul mate.

Also remember that we are all growing and changing. You may religiously match a potential candidate now, but what if either of you become more religious in the future - but the other doesn't? It's important to grow together, or at least accept the differences mutually.

I think that our fellow members will appreciate these comments and may everyone benefit from this.

Insh123

Nov 25, 2019 01:09

Thank you for your wise words brother @Peace Guy, I will keep them in mind.

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Deleted User

Nov 27, 2019 03:54

I am from ethiopia
Habeshan girls are so materialistic, to marry them you have be foreigners/from western countries/ or you must have a lot amount of money. They dont care about the deen.I saw so many girls married a guy from other religions Cuz of the reasons i said.

Ryanie

Nov 29, 2019 00:25

Subhallah.,,,,

Amir

Nov 29, 2019 16:38

Online dating https://youtu.be/83Tnl0abp-8

Pure Heart

Dec 1, 2019 00:53

Salam everyone
I like expressing my thoughts in forums like these because I learn to understand people better from the conversation, thoughts and opinions.
I agree that different social and cultural background can be a detriment or an advantage towards a successful relationship in reality or online. Online relationships are more challenging as distance and the real truth about the person you are dating is genuine or fake are continuously questioned by both individuals.
I am an online chatter and I have met a few genuine individuals and talked to many genuine and fake chatters. I believe if you are genuine, you can actually attract genuine people too in the long run. In other words, being genuine in here can also attract the right people to converse and exchange thoughts and opinions.
My philosophy is simple: ‘If you meet good people, keep them. If you meet bad people, forgive them and move on.’ Allah swt will always protect you no matter what.

 

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