Helahel

Is this what we want?

Is this what we want?

Anita Created Apr 15, 2019 09:22
11 Comments

Salam everyone.
Im new here.Just found out this forum sect today.Pls correct me if Im wrong.Sometimes I just wondering if this really what I want?A spouse,marriage etc.Am I the only one here who think that way? It's kinda big dilemma in my mind,whether to find someone that totally stranger to become half of my life forever just because tired being lonely all this time,or just stop all these "gambles" and carry on life alone forever,afraid of commitment that I'd been through before;an abusive
and unhappy relationship.
That's the reason why I always hesitate to start a fresh relationship in here or out there.
Plus Im not a perfect person,inside and out😞..

 

This topic has 19 comments

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Deleted User

Apr 15, 2019 19:50

Salam sister.
I think only u can answer the question honestly. Not every man is a jerk. The same thing goes to women, too. Just because u were once in a bad relationship, the next one will be the same. Take lesson from the previous one. Make lots of duaa. InshaAllah, Allah will guide u to meet a new person who will love & care for u for the sake of HIM.

Anita

Apr 16, 2019 07:48

Thanks for your kind words brother.it warms my heart.🙂

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Deleted User

Apr 16, 2019 10:16

Salam sıster Anita. I m a sıster, too There r better days ahead for all of us. Allah is great. Don't give up hope.

Anita

Apr 16, 2019 10:30

InsyaAllah..thank you dear sister🌹

Ahmad3940

Apr 16, 2019 11:38

I agree with what sister Simple123 said. Not all the people are same, not your previous experience should be a reason not to take a new decision in life. Use your rationality and mind and leave the rest to Allah.

Anita

Apr 17, 2019 14:15

I'll try on it.Thank you brother

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Deleted User

Apr 17, 2019 17:12

I've travelled almost all of Islamic nations with exception of some African countries - what I've witnessed in Islamic nations that Muslim men are very possessive, controlling and jealous when it comes to their girlfriend and wife, specially Arabic nations. Muslim men need to calm down a little and not be so controlling in order to create a happy and healthy relationship/marriage.

- If You Love Them, Let Them Free.

Amir

Apr 17, 2019 18:01

You men, be like Ukrainian men?

There was an American ex-Marine teaching English in Kyiv. H

Amir

Apr 17, 2019 18:11

Mobile phones..

You mean, be like Ukrainian men?

There was an American ex-Marine teaching English in Kyiv, who met a Ukrainian women, got intimate, and later learnt from her phone that she was married, her husband's phone number and called up the husband. Her husband asked, did you spend some money on her? He said, yes. Her husband said, meet me at a place. He went there, husband came, handed him some cash and left.

A Canadian girl was married to a Ukrainian man. She said, everything was fine expect he can't have a child, which she wants, and says, just get one from here or there.

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Sweet Muslimah

Apr 17, 2019 21:03

Brother Amirs stories are oh so entertaining.

Amir

Apr 17, 2019 22:14

But they are all true. They are not tell tales.

Anita

Apr 17, 2019 23:48

Brother Naser, I second that 100%!

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Deleted User

Jun 4, 2019 21:01

cool words bro naser

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Deleted User

Jun 4, 2019 21:10

Question - 238820
To what extent can the husband tell his wife what to do? Can he use his power to tell his wife to do whatever, even if its regarding a small matter?
Answer
Praise be to Allah

Allah, may He be glorified, has instructed men to live with their wives honourably, even if they dislike them. He, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And live with them honourably. If you dislike them, it may be that you dislike a thing and Allah brings through it a great deal of good”

[an-Nisa’ 4:19].

Imam at-Tabari (may Allah have mercy on him) said:

Live with them honourably, even if you dislike them, for perhaps if you dislike them but you keep them, Allah may bring about a great deal of good through your keeping them despite your disliking them, such as children with whom He blesses you through them, or making you compassionate towards them after having disliked them.

Tafseer at-Tabari (8/122)

Mercy, compassion and kindness are the characteristics of the believers who follow the example of their Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him), whose Lord described him as follows (interpretation of the meaning):

“Verily, there has come unto you a Messenger (Muhammad (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him)) from amongst yourselves (i.e. whom you know well). It grieves him that you should receive any injury or difficulty. He (Muhammad (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him)) is anxious over you (to be rightly guided, to repent to Allah, and beg Him to pardon and forgive your sins, in order that you may enter Paradise and be saved from the punishment of the Hell-fire), for the believers (he (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) is) full of pity, kind, and merciful”

[at-Tawbah 9:128].

Muslim narrated in his Saheeh (2594) from ‘Aa’ishah, the wife of the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him), that the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “There is no kindness in a thing but it adorns it, and it is not taken away from a thing but it makes it defective.”

Muslim also narrated (19) that the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said to Ashajj ‘Abd al-Qays: “You possess two qualities that Allah loves: forbearance and deliberation.”

When Allah, may He be exalted, sent His two slaves and Messengers, Moosa and Haroon, to His enemy Pharaoh, He instructed them to speak mildly and gently to him:

“Go, both of you, to Firaun (Pharaoh), verily, he has transgressed (all bounds in disbelief and disobedience and behaved as an arrogant and as a tyrant).

And speak to him mildly, perhaps he may accept admonition or fear Allah”

[Ta-Ha 20:43, 44].

Islam is the gentle, pure monotheism with which the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) was sent. His characteristics included gentleness, compassion and kindness, and one of the most deserving of people to be treated in such a manner is one’s wife, with whom Allah, may He be exalted, has instructed the husband to live honourably, and kindness is part of what is honourable and right; in fact it is one of the most important aspects of what is honourable and right.

Thus we know that when the husband tells his wife to do something, it must be within a framework of compassion and kindness, and that which will preserve the nature of the marital relationship which Allah, may He be exalted, has ordained should be based on love and compassion.

But if the wife neglects one of the rights of Allah, may He be exalted, or one of the rights of her husband, and persists in that despite her husband’s advising her, then in that case she is regarded as defiantly disobedient, and the husband may deal with her in accordance with what Allah, may He be exalted, has prescribed in the case of defiant disobedience, which includes exhortation, shunning her in bed, and hitting lightly without causing pain or injury.

The wife should understand that by being defiantly disobedient, her right to maintenance and a share of her husband’s time (in the case of plural marriage), and all the shar‘i rights that Allah, may He be exalted, has ordained that she has over her husband, are suspended. For more information, please see fatwa no. 33597

If what the wife is doing is clearly evil and wrong, and the husband is able to change this evil, even by force, then he should do so, so long as that will not result in a greater evil or serious trouble.

For example, if she goes out wearing adornment, and he is able to force her to observe shar‘i hijab, even by force, let him do so, so long as that will not lead to a greater evil or serious trouble, because denouncing evil is obligatory in general terms, and it may occasionally be an individual obligation for some people.

Shaykh ‘Abd al-‘Azeez ibn Baaz (may Allah have mercy on him) said: Enjoining what is right and forbidding what is wrong may be an individual obligation, in the case of one who sees an evil, if there is no one else to denounce it and he is able to do so. In that case, it is an individual obligation upon him to denounce it, because there is a great deal of established proof to that effect, one of the clearest examples of which is the words of the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him): “Whoever among you sees an evil action, then let him change it with his hand [by taking action]; if he cannot, then with his tongue [by speaking out]; and if he cannot, then with his heart – and that is the weakest of faith.” Narrated by Muslim in his Saheeh. End quote.

Fataawa ash-Shaykh Ibn Baaz (3/212)

With regard to minor issues, as mentioned in the question and described as small matters, they should not be the concern of either spouse, rather they should be overlooked so that family life will run smoothly. Otherwise, if each spouse causes a problem with the other because of such matters, life will turn into a living hell.

It is well-known that there will inevitably be differences between the spouses concerning many matters. The wise person is the one who overlooks minor matters and reduces areas of conflict as much as possible.

We ask Allah to set straight the affairs of the Muslims.

And Allah knows best

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Deleted User

Jun 5, 2019 10:26

6377

Question
My question is regarding my wife. When she goes to visit her parents in their house, sometimes her male unmarried cousins stay the night in the same house. In these situations, I prefer to stay with her in her house and do not like her staying alone, even though our son, about 4, also stays with her and she does sleep in a separate room.
Am I right to prohibit her from staying in her parent's house when this condition is not fulfilled (that is, I cannot stay the night with her, while the cousins do). Is this from Shariah or is this prohibiting what Allah has made lawful. Also, please note that I feel extremely uncomfortable about this situation, though my wife keeps telling me I should be more trusting.
Another question is related as well. Is it right to prohibit my wife from travelling for pleasure and sight-seeing with her family when she is accompanied by her parents and brother but also the unmarried male cousins. Please note that I don't mind this when I'm around. But is it ok when I'm not with my wife. Again, I feel extremely jealous when this happens as I feel I should be the one taking her around and not any stranger, even if she's accompanied by her parents and brother. Can you please, again comment on whether this is normal or goes against the allowance given in the Shariah.
Answer

Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly: I would like to remind you of what the Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “I have not left behind me any fitnah (temptation) that is more harmful to men than women.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 4808; Muslim, 2740, from the hadeeth of Usaamah ibn Zayd).

Secondly: It is permissible for a woman to be in her father’s house when there is a non-mahram present, so long as there is no fear of haraam mixing or of the fitnah (temptation) that may happen as a result of that.

But if there is no guarantee that there will be no mixing and no fitnah, then that is not permissible. It is even more haraam if the woman does not observe proper Islamic hijaab.

Thirdly: a boy of four years of age is not considered to be a mahram because the role of a mahram is to guard and protect the woman, and this cannot be done by a four year old child. So it makes no difference whether this boy is there or not.

Fourthly: if your wife’s father and brothers take this man’s presence lightly and do not care if he is alone with your wife or if she takes off her hijaab in front of him, then it is not permissible for you to leave your wife with them, because they are careless about protecting their daughter. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Beware of entering upon women.” A man from among the Ansaar said: “O Messenger of Allaah, what do you think of the in-law?” He said, “The in-law is death.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari (4934) and Muslim (2172), from the hadeeth of ‘Uqbah ibn ‘Aamir). So you must protect your wife and feel protective jealousy and pride (gheerah) where she is concerned, and not expose her to temptation.

Fifthly: With regard to her going on trips, there is nothing wrong with that if the place to which she is going is not one where immoral people meet, such as beaches and other places which are very dubious, and so long as she will keep her hijaab on and stay far away from places of temptation. If you are worried that the presence of that non-mahram man will be a cause of fitnah or may make her do something that Allaah has forbidden, then you must not allow your wife to travel with them. This is the matter of praiseworthy protective jealousy (gheerah) that is loved by Allaah and His Messenger. If a man feels protective jealousy towards his family he will stop them from committing immoral actions and anything that may lead to that.

You should note that most of the disasters that befall families come from friends or relatives, so try your best to protect your wife from that.

And Allaah knows best.

Source: Islam Q&A

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Deleted User

Jun 5, 2019 10:41

The divine attribute of gheerah (protective jealousy) is affirmed in the saheeh Sunnah. The reports that speak of that include the following:

1. It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) from the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) that he said: “Allah has protective jealousy, and the protective jealousy of Allah is provoked when the believer does something that Allah has forbidden.”

Narrated by al-Bukhaari (4925) and Muslim (2761).

2. It was narrated that al-Mugheerah said: Sa‘d ibn ‘Ubaadah said: If I saw a man with my wife, I would strike him with my sword, and not with the flat side of it. News of that reached the Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) and he said: “Are you surprised at the protective jealousy of Sa‘d? By Allah, I am more jealous than him, and Allah is more jealous than me. It is because of His protective jealousy that Allah forbade immoral deeds, both open and secret.”

Narrated by al-Bukhaari (6980) and Muslim (1499); Muslim narrated an extra phrase: “There is no one who is more jealous than Allah.”

3. It was narrated from ‘Aa’ishah that she said: The Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “O ummah of Muhammad, there is no one who has greater protective jealousy than Allah if His male or female slave commits zina. O ummah of Muhammad, if you knew what I know, you would laugh little and weep much.”

Narrated by al-Bukhaari (1044) and Muslim (901).

Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allah have mercy on him) said:

The protective jealousy (gheerah) of Allah is provoked when a person does that which He has prohibited, and His protective jealousy is provoked when His male or female slave commits zina…

The protective jealousy that Allah attributes to Himself is provoked either when a believer commits that which is forbidden to him, or when immoral deeds are committed, either openly or secretly.

End quote from al-Istiqaamah (2/9-11).

Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allah have mercy on him) said: Protective jealousy implies hatred and resentment (of bad deeds), so Allah told us that no one has protective jealousy greater than His, and because of His protective jealousy He prohibited immorality and obscenity. According to those who deny the divine attributes, protective jealousy is regarded as a matter of feelings and emotions, like shyness, joy, anger, wrath, resentment and hate. So in their view, it cannot be attributed to Allah. But it is well-known that these divine attributes are attributes of perfection that are entirely praiseworthy according to reason, religious texts, customs and traditions, and sound human nature; and their opposites are blameworthy according to reason, religious texts, customs and traditions, and sound human nature. If someone has no sense of protective jealousy, then it is all the same to him whether one commits immoral deeds or refrains therefrom; such a person is utterly blameworthy and deserves to be rebuked harshly.

End quote from as-Sawaa‘iq al-Mursalah (4/1497).

Shaykh ‘Abd al-‘Azeez ibn Baaz (may Allah have mercy on him) said:

What is not right or appropriate is to describe Allah, may He be glorified and exalted, as having protective jealousy similar to that of people. As for describing Him as having protective jealousy in a manner that is befitting to His majesty, may He be glorified and exalted, it is not wrong or incorrect to ascribe that to Him, as is indicated by this hadith and other similar reports. Allah, may He be glorified, is described by Ahl as-Sunnah as having protective jealousy in a manner that cannot be likened to that of people, and no one knows the essence and nature thereof except Him, may He be glorified. This is similar to what is said about His rising over the Throne [istiwaa’] and descending, and His pleasure and wrath, and other divine attributes. And Allah knows best.

End quote from the comment of Shaykh Ibn Baaz on Fath al-Baari by Ibn Hajar (2/531).

Shaykh ‘Abdullah al-Ghunaymaan (may Allah preserve him) said, commenting on the hadith, “the protective jealousy of Allah is provoked when the believer does something that Allah has forbidden”:

The protective jealousy of Allah, may He be exalted, is one of His attributes that are His alone, and it is not like the protective jealousy of people; rather it is an attribute that is befitting to His greatness, like the attributes of wrath, pleasure and other unique attributes that no created being shares with Him. It is already established that there is none like unto Him, may He be exalted, in His Essence or in His attributes or deeds.

End quote from Sharh Kitaab at-Tawheed min Saheeh al-Bukhaari (1/287).

Thirdly:

Once the meaning of this great attribute is established, which is one of the attributes of our Lord, may He be exalted – namely protective jealousy (gheerah) – it will become clear that speaking of it in the manner asked about is sound and correct, as in the hadith of Sa‘d ibn ‘Ubaadah (may Allah be pleased with him), for protective jealousy, when provoked, implies anger at the transgression of the sacred limits. Allah, may He be glorified, hates what He has forbidden and is angered when His sacred limits are transgressed, as it says in Ta‘leeqaat ash-Shaykh ‘Abd ar-Rahmaan al-Barraak ‘ala al-Mukhaalafaat al-‘Aqdiyyah fi Fath al-Baari, no. 55.

There can be no doubt that impugning the honour of the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) by slandering his wife as-Siddeeqah ‘Aa’ishah (may Allah be pleased with her) is one of the gravest sins by which the protective jealousy (gheerah) of Allah, may He be exalted, will be provoked, for Allah, may He be exalted, has protective jealousy for His noble Messengers (peace be upon them). Therefore, no one speaks ill of them but he will be disgraced and destroyed. And Allah has protective jealousy for His close friends and chosen ones, therefore He, may He be exalted, said [in a hadith qudsi]: “whoever takes as an enemy a close friend of Mine, I shall declare war on him.” Allah has protective jealousy for His laws and sacred limits, lest they be transgressed. Therefore He, may He be exalted, warned sinners and transgressors of punishment, and He hastens the punishment for some of them in this world, so that they may be a lesson for others. All of that is appropriate and befitting to the Majesty of Allah, may He be glorified and exalted.

Imam Ibn Katheer (may Allah have mercy on him) said:

When the people of the slander (al-ifk) spoke ill of ‘Aa’ishah and fabricated lies against her, Allah’s protective jealousy for her was provoked, so He revealed ten verses of Qur’an establishing her innocence, which will be recited until the end of time.

End quote from al-Bidaayah wa’n-Nihaayah (8/99; see also 3/334).



And Allah knows best.

Source: Islam Q&A

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AnotherTraveler

Jun 11, 2019 09:08

Sometimes bad marriages and divorces are our destiny. They make you stronger. I noticed only the strongest women go through such marriages and eventually divorces. I understand that you’re worried not to get in to the same kind of relationship again.

I’m not sure where you’d like to live but I know that most Egyptian men are kind 👍 that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t get to know the other person before marrying him.

good muslim

Jun 13, 2019 09:49

a bad relationship is a lesson for future relationship

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Deleted User

Jul 22, 2019 17:55

nobody is perfect in this world. Best wishes for you. stay blessed.

 

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