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RED FLAGS OF ONLINE ROMANCE SCAM (FOR MEN & WOMEN of all ages, Muslims and Non-Muslims)

RED FLAGS OF ONLINE ROMANCE SCAM (FOR MEN & WOMEN of all ages, Muslims and Non-Muslims)

OpenHeart Created Apr 7, 2019 02:11
36 Comments

I’m posting this with the hopes that it will help someone from being scammed. Below are some of the examples I’ve experienced and observed. It's a bit lengthy but I hope you'll find it informative. Thank you for reading and/or writing a comment.

•You meet someone online and after just a few contacts they profess strong feelings for you and ask to chat with you privately. If you met on a dating website they will try and move you away from the site and communicate via chat or email.

•Their profile on the internet dating website or their Facebook page is not consistent with what they tell you. For example, their profile picture looks different to their description of themselves, or they say they are university educated but their English is poor.

•After gaining your trust – often waiting weeks, months or even years – they tell you an elaborate story and ask for money, gifts or your bank account/credit card details.

•Their messages are often poorly written, vague and escalate quickly from introduction to love.

•If you don't send money straight away, their messages and calls become more desperate, persistent or direct. If you do send money, they continue to ask you to send more.

•They don't keep their promises and always have an excuse for why they can't travel to meet you and why they always need more money.

*****I have to POINT OUT that many scammers these days are becoming good at expressing their words through writing; many are actually educated but poorly speak English. And when you speak to them, there’s an almost always weak internet connection issue. If you request to video chat they'll say their video cam is not working properly, you should take this as a hint that the picture(s) they have on their profile or they have shared with you may not actually his/hers, it may be of someone else and may have been stolen. SCAMMING IS THEIR JOB.

*****They have patience - in contact on a daily basis until they execute their plan to scam.

*****They are attentive and may remember most things you spoke about previously. They play and use the information you provided them about your religion, family, friends and work making you believe they are thoughtful and caring and have a special soulful connection.

*****They claim to be from a different country, travel for a business project overseas; this is when the subject of money starts. They’ll fabricate all types of stories from death, children, illness – in the hospital, being detained, was robbed, machinery broke down or machinery being held in Customs – need to pay extra fee for release of machinery or supplies, went to claim a payment their late father was never paid for but need to first pay bank fees and country tax fees before the funds be released, having Wi-Fi problems in the "remote" had trouble logging into his bank account due to bad reception, working in oil rig, etc., etc.

*****Some “businessmen/women” scammers will pretend to have an assistant. They will email you from a different email address pretending to be from their “secretary or assistant” if for example you and the scammer planned to finally meet and “the secretary/assistant” emailed you details of flight and hotel, all paid for.

*****They will provide a made up website that looks legitimate to access their bank account, they will ask you to do some banking for them at first using passwords they will provide or you may create. They will not ask you to give money at first. From the site, you will find fabricated deposits and balances on these accounts possibly by hundreds of thousands or millions of dollars.

*****Some of them may only ask a small amount of money, few hundreds at first for “your help”. Chances are they will ask for more at a later date. But some are daring to ask by the thousands.

*****These scammers have multiple accounts, they may delete the old account and open another. It's the same with phone numbers which can easily be changed and there are apps that one can choose numbers from another country even though they're not physically in that particular country.

*****They always promise to pay you back through wire transfer or Western Union or bring the money with them when they come to meet you.

REMIND YOURSELF: These people survived and are surviving life prior to knowing you. Ask yourself why all of a sudden they see you as their money issue solver and their problem became your problem and you haven’t even physically met this person, you only “know” them online. They have relatives, friends, colleagues, banks, financiers, “business” partners, charities, government and private agencies that can help them with their financial needs and above all, there’s ALLAH to turn to if they are true Muslims. No decent man or woman, Muslim or Non-Muslim will do wrong to fellow Muslims or any human being. Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him said: A Muslim is the one who avoids harming Muslims with his tongue and hands. These scammers are harming others by their tongues with their made-up stories, lying every chance they have for the sake of money. These people are unscrupulous.

THE BOTTOM LINE: Pray, ask Allah’s protection from these bad people and remain faithful, hopeful and wise. No matter how many months these scammers try to play on your feelings, keep your guard up. The minute they start to ask for money - THIS IS AN IMMEDIATE RED FLAG - DO NOT SEND MONEY - STOP COMMUNICATION IMMEDIATELY and BLOCK THEM. DO NOT give them an opportunity to explain and waste more of your time, hurt your feelings or make you feel guilty. DO NOT even think of the “what if’s and maybe’s” (the possibilities of you and him/her together) because they will play with your emotions and sweet talk to convince you. Forget about how much time you have invested and the heartache they have caused. Utilize the BLOCK feature on your phone or computer. Follow your God-given instinct. Feel compassion but use your brain. Look forward and be thankful always grateful that Allah shielded you from further pain. May Allah protect the faithful from these wicked human beings and make it easier on us to find a decent Muslim man/woman we deserve.

 

This topic has 38 comments

Ahmad3940

Apr 7, 2019 04:59

You did a great job by writing in detail about some of the scammer's tricks. These kinds of bastards are found everywhere, but more so on matrimonial sites.
May Allah protect us all.

OpenHeart

Apr 7, 2019 05:33

Thank you brother Ahmad.

octafine

Apr 7, 2019 07:02

thank you for sharing the scammer's tricks and that's true.. i've ever met 3 scammers but alhamdulillah Allah has saved me from them and i never give them money.. always pray to Allah that's the key.. May Allah protect us..

princeboss

Apr 7, 2019 08:38

nice write up.but this same reason why many don't reply thinking those people are scammers.some body like me.i don't use Facebook account same name.reason best known to me.so you won't just generalise.
I see many ladies here they not serious.they looking for who to waste his time.else why won't a lady put her picture and also ask question of good importance if really she need husband.
I have read so many specially those in UK and USA talking of green passport crap.is not every non of those citizen want to even be a citizen of those country.
I advise our ladies to be mindful and try to tolerate.i see muslim ladies been more arrogant this days than the xtian ladies wchich is causing them not to have husband with high expectations from a man.
thanks

Mohamed

Apr 7, 2019 13:29

Great job mashallah , I can share some scenarios that I saw

I have met scammer that claim to be from European country and that she escaped from her harsh family to Africa and she want money to support her "religiously ".

Another was a bit of a fool that asked money directly so she could travel to me

And the last was strange .. I sent a message to man profile here asking if he has a sister or daughter that is searching for marriage and he told me he has a pretty sister and actually it turned that this account is a women's account and a scammer one lol.

But also I saw many good Muslim brothers and sisters mashallah that I am honored with knowing them

Amir

Apr 7, 2019 23:42

Nearly all sign ups do email verification, and anymore emails can't be created without a phone number. This website should at least do this much to try to restore trust of use.

amicable2

Apr 8, 2019 15:31

I came across this posting by chance and I found it very enlightening. Thank you for sharing.

OpenHeart

Apr 10, 2019 00:15

@octafine, Mohamed, Amir & amicable2..Thank you for reading, writing a comment and sharing your experiences.

Amir

Apr 16, 2019 18:00

Names or headings like "wife4u" also provide good flags. Before, when there were many east Europeans we're on this site, a girl wrote her name Nikita, but I knew it's a man's name. Many people got it from Elton John's song forgetting that he's gay.

Amir

Apr 16, 2019 21:07

After exchanging a few messages, take it to WhatsApp. WhatsApp brings it a step closer to reality.

There was some talk of wali in another link. My opinion is not to worry about the wali until it comes to meeting. Of all the men you will write to, barely 1 in 10 will actually take it to a visitation step

👰🤰🤱

Apr 17, 2019 00:18

Hey Mr amir, you'll see many girls named nikita in Indonesia,

~~My opinion is not to worry about the wali until it comes to meeting.~~~
AGREE!!
When you talk bout wali in the 1st place, guarantee you'll talk to no one.
Are we being too serious here? Or too playful?
When i mention bout that, it's like, someone putting gun on their head to marry me.
Runaway straight away. Lol
My niece (high sch student) always has visitor on her weekend, her schoolmates. And my brother will accompany her during the visit.
Somehow, i admire their guts.
Yeah i know, not all man like that, i met one or two too.
Relax brothers, relax!!
Just bcos u talk to their wali it doesn't mean u r in the final step. It just to make sure, the process is fine.

Amir

Apr 17, 2019 01:23

It's because of that Elton John's Cold War song. Music video shows a girl but with a masculine name. I've spent quite some time in entire eastern Europe, and I never met one girl named Nakita. I've even spent time in countries that don't even show up on the map because they arent politically recognized, such as Transnistria where my fiancee was born. Just goes to shows you how blindly people copy media.

https://youtu.be/Tg-Q-Acv4qs




OpenHeart

Apr 18, 2019 02:23

You seemed well-versed brother Amir..I quite agree with you. BTW, I read your response to one of the newest post…you dropped the mic on a faker..Well done!

Amir

Apr 18, 2019 02:49

Even the warning of that profile got deleted. Now, what to make of that?

OpenHeart

Apr 19, 2019 01:00

Hmmm I don't know brother Amir...your guess is as good as mine. Perhaps it's the jinn's doing

Amir

Apr 19, 2019 02:54

Don't use this word.

Early 2016 I had a dream that people were firing at me in some village, and I was hiding in ditches and behind obstacles. Then I saw a gate and tried to escape but ran into two women in rough long black dresses at the gate who bring me back in and take me to a white skinned girl with thick curly hair down to her feet.

In late 2016, I saw these women wearing the same black dress in a remote mountain village. They looked at me and said something, but I didn't know their language.

👰🤰🤱

Apr 19, 2019 03:22

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

OpenHeart

Apr 19, 2019 05:42

Oh! Oh! A dream to reality…What have you done? . They really want you, watch your back!!! You’re quite jocular brother Amir. Thank you for sharing your stories.

Mohamed

Apr 19, 2019 12:31

Mr Amir and mis marry me .. can you say when to introduce your family .. I wish you tell me Islamicly.

And I want to say that Muslim means .. submitted to Allah in his whole life decisions .

And from the safety point what do you think a master scammer will think and act when he see a nice innocent girl or even boy in front of him ?

Amir

Apr 19, 2019 15:45

@ OpenHeart - Don't you feel sometimes that what you are experiencing now has happened before? This was a Panavision dream in most vivid colors. That white young women in wavey black hair down to her feet was a jinn.

In 2013, I was shown a girl in that village. It was so easy to marry then. In 2017, I learnt that she had gotten married, and it was no longer easy to marry. NGOs had built school after school and even a girls hostel to prevent girls from getting married.

@ Mohamed- I think family should come in at the time of meeting. If you involve family at the time of writing they will not think very highly of you because many times you will think something is serious and it will turn out to be nothing. You might get scammed for a $100 or $200 over the internet, but you don't have to worry about serious or harming scams unless you are rich.

👰🤰🤱

Apr 20, 2019 00:39

@muhamad
Islamicly im sorry i dont know, i bet you already know. And please enlighten us.
But personaly, in real life, i will introduce anyone to my family. I do everything at home, i stay close with family, so they know everything with what im doing, including those who has interests on me. Eventhough this is their 1st time know and see them, i will introduce them.

In online thing, seems my family and friends not really into this stuff so usually i will do like br Amir said. I tell my brother when i think we ready for the next step. If i introduce like in RL, same with br Amir opinion.
But so far, I've met some people that i thought serious, they even ask my wali in 1st talking, i tell my brother, make appointments, but unfortunately never happened.
. I was inspired by the forum, it says involve family in the 1st place. So when i give my # i will say my bro will be with me, it doesn't succeed either. No one come up.
So I'm still figuring out what's the best.

I can falI easily to scammer, but fortunately I have nothing to give, so i think they just waste their time.
I was once get scammed, he ask me 1k usd, i thought i want to give him but when i saw my saving balance, far from that. So i tell him, sorry babe i don't have that much.

👰🤰🤱

Apr 20, 2019 00:48

***Eventhough this is my 1st time know and see them, i will introduce them.

Mohamed

Apr 20, 2019 14:56

The scamming is not only about the money ...
It will be about money only if we are doing business.
what about your feelings ?
What about your time ?
Scammers can wait months or years are ok with a fake relationship for 11 months ?

And scammers can gain your trust fake love emotions and then simply cuz you refuse to give them money
Call you names and abuse you .. they even can blackmail you with your pics and many things they know .

Think twice scamming is not that simple .

Amir

Apr 20, 2019 15:46

Life comes with no guarantees of any kind.

I wrote this before too, and I write again. I've been on dating websites since my divorce in late 2003, and until late 2011 found only 4 serious girls, that's 1 every 2 years. In 2012 and 2013, I had more luck in Ukraine but most turned out to be 1 night stands.

It's difficult to be a man because man gets the blame for everything. From the phrase 1 night stand, everyone (men and women) assume that the poor woman wanted a lifetime relationship while the playboy man wanted a 1 night stand, when in reality, the opposite is true.

aiti

Apr 21, 2019 08:05

Thank you for this worth reading stories.

OpenHeart

Apr 21, 2019 10:40

@Amir - I had those moments brother Amir but not as intense as yours. I gotta tell ya..I had my hair all the way down to my ankle years ago but was accidentally chopped off by an escalator at work .

Hassan

Apr 21, 2019 11:06

Thank you for your insight brother. I gota say, scammers are real. But one thing will surely not fail you is Istikhara. Make sure you always observe Istikhara before talking to anyone in these sites and even after you've found someone. Allah doesn't burden a soul with something it can't handle. Sure Allah will never let these scammers in your life.
This platform is also amazing. My Aunt got her amazing husband from here just recently. It only took about 4 months. So my advice, Offer Istikhara, pray to Allah to keep the scammers and jokers away from you. We are all here not because we are looking for love for ourselves but rather the Love for Allah in others.

Amir

Apr 21, 2019 22:54

Men proposing and women rejecting - https://youtu.be/quSwcLkRiGI

OpenHeart

Apr 21, 2019 23:49

@aiti - You’re welcome and thank you I’m glad it was worth your time.

@Marry Me - Thank you for sharing your experiences.

@Hassan - You're welcome and thank you for the advice.

Amir

Apr 22, 2019 01:05

BEST ADVICE FOR MEN IN THE WESt

Don't you have matrimonial ads in your country's newspapers? If you do, advertise there. There will be a lot less competition there. I did that, ad out today, and already I have 2 girls I like.

Problem happens when people want to marry cross culture. There was a pretty green-eyed bank receptionist in Kyiv dating an Egyptian guy but he was taking her to Goa and on other vacation hot spots. Such high maintenance relationships don't last. I had an American girlfriend in 2008. She was high maintenance. When Great Recession hit in 2007 and their home went into foreclosure, she divorced her husband and found me. At least, American ladies don't cheat while they are married. I don't miss her. Especially, if you are at a later age like me. You need someone around when you get old

Amir

Apr 22, 2019 15:48

EXAMPLE OF A CROSS CULTURAL MARRIAGE

Growing up in Kuwait, my childhood friend has a south Asian father and a Lebanese mother. Dad was engineer with phone company. No savings because of good lifestyle. Mother had a car. All children looked like mother and spoke Arabic at home. No kid looked like dad.

OpenHeart

Apr 24, 2019 07:48

On line romance scammed for money and the organized international network
(If video will start with an ad – Click - Skip Ad to view on the lower right hand corner)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5g0W6NWQEcA

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U4kCN7TZ6us

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oa6j0Wq6PkU

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cU_-miycMhU

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Deleted User

Apr 25, 2019 19:04

@OpenHeart

Thank u sıster for the links. Very useful. May Allah protects us all.

OpenHeart

Apr 26, 2019 02:23

@simple123

You’re most welcome sister. Did you see how unscrupulous these scammers are on the second link? They’re completely conscienceless; they laugh about it and brag. Scamming is their way of life, it’s their job.

By the way, while browsing through the members pictures here I recognized someone’s (man) picture that was being used to scam women from another site. I almost became one of his scam victims. I reported it to the Site Admin and requested they keep an eye on his account activities but if whoever is using the stolen picture will be able to convince his next victim to communicate outside of Helahel site, e.g., WhatsApp, IMO, Skype or other communication app, there’s very little the Site Admin can do to prevent it. Brothers and sisters please stay vigilant. May Allah protects us all.

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Deleted User

Apr 26, 2019 03:35

JazakAllah khair for all the advice. Alhamdulillah I haven’t come across this type of behaviour (being scammed)

Sisters with Muslim families: Get your Mahrams involved in’sha’Allah.

Brothers with Muslim families: Get your female relatives to communicate with the sister.

Let’s get back to how things should be in’sha’Allah.

The scammers won’t have so many targets then.

To the person who said why do sisters not show their pics.. it’s because sisters want their profiles to be read and taken seriously rather than just being messaged Because of their pic. Allahu alam
And another reason is, because they don’t have to! And a pious understanding brother will understand that and not pressurise her about pics, but will establish compatibility first in’sha’Allah. Then afterwards if you don’t like the pic, you don’t like the pic! It’s everyone's right to say no thank you I’m not attracted. Of course looks aren’t everything, but in order to fulfil rights, it’s important.

OpenHeart

May 20, 2019 23:16

Post Update:

These scammers or fraudulent people have multiple accounts; they may delete the old account and open another. It's the same with phone numbers which can easily be changed and there are apps that one can choose numbers from another country even though they're not physically in that particular country.

A possible way to find out if the person you’re communicating with claims to be in Monaco for example and you want to make sure they are truly in Monaco, request they share-send their location by using their phone. But even with this is not a guarantee, technology is constantly changing we just have to remain wary and wise.

Scamming IS a global issue controlled by multiple meshes of syndicates or gangs. The main thing is DO NOT send money to anyone you think you “know” from online or pay for their plane ticket to travel to you and make you believe they will marry you. Some also claim they are being held at the Customs and Immigration and will only be released if they pay some amount of money and obviously they will ask you to send it to a certain person. Do not fall into this trap. Scammers stories are plentiful.

Remind yourself that even those you have physically met, relatives or so-called friends may have tried to not pay the money you loaned them how much more to a person you only “know” from a website and may not live in the same country as you. Use a lot of common-sense, be cautious and smart and above all pray for Allah’s protection from these dishonest people.

OpenHeart

Jun 2, 2019 02:07

Web address to REPORT DATING SCAMS in the US: FTC.gov/imposters

https://www.consumer.ftc.gov/articles/0004-online-dating-scams

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aryan1234

Jun 3, 2019 13:44

good job . but there way more scammers in here . beware some are saying they r Americans but num tracker pointed out in Lagos.

 

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