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Exchange: An Altherative Way of Marriage

Exchange: An Altherative Way of Marriage

Amir Created Apr 5, 2019 23:35
13 Comments

Like the tradition of bride kidnapping from distant villages a couple of generations ago, practiced from the mountains of Chechniya to Armenia to northwest Pakistan, and still practiced in Krygyzstan, there existed another tradition or way of getting marriage by exchanging an unattached female in the household for a bride. Pros were that this method readily facilitated marriages because it provided the ultimate guarantee that could be provided in any marriage, and split wedding expenses. Cons were that if one marriage went bad, it affected the other marriage also, men without unattached females in their household weren't able to marry unless they were able to pay large bride dowry, and there were sometimes age mismatches just to close the deal Of course, in those days the term wali meant sometjong more literal than the symbolic term that exists today.

 

This topic has 13 comments

Naser

Apr 6, 2019 06:43

The same in the Appalachian regions in U.S.

simple123

Apr 6, 2019 12:13

Anatolian regions in Turkey also hv a tradition of kidnapping brides. Not so sure if it is still put in practice as people are moving from villages to cities.

Mohamed

Apr 8, 2019 07:55

What does unattached women means ?

OpenHeart

Apr 8, 2019 08:32

Unattached means free, single, uncommitted, unmarried, unwed.

Mohamed

Apr 8, 2019 14:00

Actually I was just confirming the word as if that "exchange marriage " was done with out dowry it will be corrupted as their is a hadith confirming this and this type of marriage with the dowry is called شغار or (shighar)> exchange and it not allowed and of course bride kidnapping is forbidden and haram too ..



But if their was a dowry in that marriage it would be fine and of course dowry can be symbolic an iron ring would be ok .. or even memorizing sorah of Quran can be dowry .

Mohamed

Apr 8, 2019 14:03

Sahih Muslim
by Imam Muslim, translation by Abdul Hamid Siddiqui , Volume: The Book of Marriage (Kitab Al-Nikah)

3295.
Ibn Umar (Allah be pleased with them) said that Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) prohibited Shighar which means that a man gives his daughter in marriage on the condition that the other gives his daughter to him in marriage with- out any dower being paid by either.
3296.
A hadith like this has been narrated on the authority of" Abdullah b. 'Umar (Allah be pleased with them) but with a slight variation of words.
3297.
Ibn Umar (Allah be pleased with them) reported that Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) prohibited Shighar.
3298.
Ibn 'Umar (Allah be pleased with them) reported Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) as having said: There is no Shighar in islam.
3299.
Abu Huraira (Allah be pleased with him) reported that Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) prohibited Shighar. Ibn Numair added: Shighar means that a person should say to the other person: Give me the hand of your daughter in marriage and I will (in return) marry my daughter to you; or merry me your sister, and I will marry my sister to you.

Amir

Apr 8, 2019 18:13

Need is the mother of invention. Both ways came about to avoid the high bride dowry.

You can try it, but every girl will run away if you offer her an "iron ring."

Men love women, and women love money, so men have to go after money to get a woman. A man can be an idealist, but not a woman. In the story of Creation, serpent gives apple to Eve first because he knows Adam won't accept it directly from him, but Adam would accept it from Eve.

Marry Me

Apr 9, 2019 01:45

Br @Amir
~~Men love women, and women love money, so men have to go after money to get a woman.~~

As a person who live in developing country, to me your annual income is a lot. In your theory, you should be able to get any girl you want. Yet you are here with us.

~~but every girl will run away if you offer her an "iron ring."~~
Some content people are exist. Eventhough they have money they live in simplicity, eventhough they live in poverty they live with dignity.
I know a girl who refuse the dowry, not because she doesn't want the money, nor disrespect the dowry. But she does it because she wants to make an effort too for the relationship. Her man will spend some money to travel to her, so she has to do what she can.
She wants to be the best bride, so she ask him recite some ayah instead.

I believe, We will always find what we are looking for

Amir

Apr 9, 2019 04:21

Well, there are always exceptions to the rule, if you have that kind of a luck to run into them.

In a developing country, I placed a matrimonial ad in a local newspaper, got a call and went to their house. Girl was 23, wheatish but tall, slender and smiled when she saw me. Family was poor and lived in rental home in old part of town. Mother had high BP due to failing kidneys. I thought if they agree, I would do something (treatment) for her. Dad was with his 2nd wife in a city 1,000 miles away. Mother and daughter agreed, but dad - who couldn't be a husband or father - refused.

Mohamed

Apr 9, 2019 07:20

@Mr amir
It is simple Islam forbids marriage without dowry
And actually you won't invent in Allah's laws cuz simply Allah is the wisest and Allah created us .

But the point is not in inventing if we (the Muslims) will make it hard for ourselves and set huge dowry then It is simply our fault .

Amir

Apr 9, 2019 08:44

I don't know why some people interpret everything by religion when nothing really is done by religion. In countries where there is such a thing as upfront bride dowry, that money goes into father's pocket.

Mohamed

Apr 9, 2019 14:27

I don't know why some people think that all countries are same and all Muslims are on the same level of iman and all humanity can be grouped together to one way of doing things.


Even if all are corrupted you will be judged alone and you should do the right and you have no excuse with majority being corrupted to some level . And actually the haidths and rules still are right even if people don't follow them


Eng. Amir I think you need to see more Muslims we have many pious men .and always their is the many corrupted people and few good people ..this is stated clearly on Quran may Allah write us all in the salhoons

Amir

Apr 9, 2019 19:55

If there are, I haven't seen. It's not just girls, people in general are worse than they used to be 14 plus years ago. Also, commercialization of s*x is another reason we can't find anyone.

If a 24 year old offer to trade me his age for mine, I will not do if, for the time we saw was better.

 

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