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Generally speaking a muslim sister desire (today) for that kinda man (illa ma sha Allaah)

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Generally speaking a muslim sister desire (today) for that kinda man (illa ma sha Allaah)

islamisdeen Created Oct 9, 2018 18:11
18 Comments

6 feet tall man even she her self is 4 feet 11 inches or barely 5 feet tall (and nothing bad in that) and has nothing in hand to offer.

But that is precisely she want before she want to talk to any man:

"Looking for someone who is sincere, honest and treats people with dignity and respect (specially my mother and my family) ) and all of the below!

I know I sound picky and who knows maybe I am picky! You also need to have a picture on your profile if you wish for me to respond. And remember you must be Tall 6ft+ (like told above) Dark, dusky, and must have full hair, as i don't like bald men. : )).

I don't like beard so either be clean shaved, or short beard goatie beard and no long beard at all. (wal ayazu billah)

You must be Athletic build British Educated Career orientated or Must have American Green Card, as i am sick and tired for marrying men who want to marry me for American citizenship (and then divorcing and getting their money) ,

You must be Ambitious and have Good dress sense, as i have a different set of friendship with different kinda people so be Independent and I don't wanna marry a mama boy )

you must be able to cook and clean, Lives alone. As i like to party and i am not always in the mindset to cook and clean, so be ready for it

Also I do not want anymore children ) therefore you either need to already have children or not want any. Thanks for reading that!

And the end result is she is getting from 20 to 50 (and no husband in her life like i usually say)

Its just a joke in reality. There are good sisters as well, ma sha Allaah. Totally obeying Allaah and rasool Allaah and husband in ma'roof, but sometimes some things take over the mindset of most of people, so even you don't want it but it continue to happen; disobedient to Islam.

We pray to Allaah that may Allaah guide the sisters and may our sisters and brothers as well marry for giving the priority to deen, Allaahumma ameen.

 

This topic has 23 comments

zea

Oct 9, 2018 20:34

Asalamu aylukum to all brother islamdeen you have rightly addressed the issue which I felt in just 2months I have been on the site. So I think this is bitter reality we should accept it as it is . But I don't hate if any sister mentions these things as you mentioned above at least she is clear in her approach. What I hate the most if someone is mentioning she want a man of deen , tawheed and this is only lip service. I can assure myself now one thing majority of sister's over here are looking for one who fullfills the most of things u mentioned above if not all. Believe me brother even the girls from third word countries are have same approach. But definitely there are good sisters over here but they are really few one would hardly found them so I can only pray to Allah may he help those brothers and sisters specially who are sincerely seeking spouses on the basis of deen and pity ameen. Because I think they are suffering the most I have few complaints from brother from other country is well i mentioned him the same thing may Allah help us ameen

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islamisdeen

Oct 9, 2018 20:56

wa alaikum salam wa rahmatuAllaah wa barakatuh,,

that's the situation Muslim ummah today are facing and will tomorrow. When the real saalih kibaar ulamah are getting old and some of them dying (may Allaah have His mercy upon them) and very few of ulamah will be left to give constant da'wah and naseeha to brothers and sisters in Islam.

The money and fame is coming into these people hand, so they wouldn't listen to ulamah but their whims and desires, some of them mentioned above; as far as marriage was concerned.

So the girl of 15-18 who should be married (before), now she got into 30-40 and thinking about marriage. The girl of 15-8 had 5 to 8 kids, ma sha Allaah. But now the 30-40 woman will have only 1 or two kids, SubhanAllaah

Now hardly they would have a chance of seeing grand-kids, only if Allaah wished it happen. As i have been saying it this from years now, but hardly people listen to it, illa ma shaAllaah.

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islamisdeen

Oct 9, 2018 21:01

This is exactly happening in the kuffaar (Christians and Jews). The only thing difference is they don't care about marriage and they care about Relationship only but Muslims al-hamdulillah still care about marriage.

There is an authentic hadith:

It was narrated from Abu Sa’eed al-Khudri (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:

لَتَتَّبِعُنَّ سَنَنَ مَنْ قَبْلَكُمْ شِبْرًا بِشِبْرٍ، وَذِرَاعًا بِذِرَاعٍ، حَتَّى لَوْ سَلَكُوا جُحْرَ ضَبٍّ لَسَلَكْتُمُوهُ ‏"‏‏.‏ قُلْنَا يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ، الْيَهُودَ وَالنَّصَارَى قَالَ ‏"‏ فَمَنْ ‏"‏‏.‏

“You will certainly follow the ways of those who came before you hand span by hand span, cubit by cubit, to the extent that if they entered the hole of a lizard, you will enter it too.” We said: “O Messenger of Allaah, (do you mean) the Jews and the Christians?” He said: “Who else?”

( Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 3456; Muslim, 2669/ another edition: 6448)

Namira7

Oct 9, 2018 21:25

God instructs men to be nice to their wives and to treat them well to the best of their ability:

"…And live with them in kindness…" (Quran 4:19)

The Messenger of God said, The most perfect of believers in belief is the best of them in character. The best of you are those who are the best to their women.’[1] The Prophet of Mercy tells us that a husband’s treatment of his wife reflects a Muslim’s good character, which in turn is a reflection of the man’s faith. How can a Muslim husband be good to his wife? He should smile, not hurt her emotionally, remove anything that will harm her, treat her gently, and be patient with her.

Being nice includes good communication. A husband should be willing to open up, and be willing to listen to his wife. Many times a husband wants to air his frustrations (like work). He should not forget to ask her about what annoys her (like when children would not do their homework). A husband should not talk about important things with her when he or his wife is angry, tired, or hungry. Communication, compromise, and consideration are the cornerstone of marriage.

Being nice includes encouraging one’s wife. The most meaningful admiration comes from a sincere heart that notices what really matters — what the wife really values. So a husband should ask himself what she feels most insecure about and discover what she values. That is the wife’s sweet spot of praise. The more the husband compliments it, the more the wife will admire it, the more on target this healthy habit will be. Kind words are like, "I like the way you think," "You look beautiful in those clothes," and "I love hearing your voice on the phone."

Human beings are imperfect. The Messenger of God said, "A believing man should not hate a believing woman. If he dislikes something in her character, he should be pleased with some other trait of hers."[2] A man should not hate his wife because if he dislikes something in her, he will find something he likes about her if he gives it a chance. One way to be aware of what he likes in his wife is for the husband to make a list of a half dozen things he appreciates about her. Marriage experts recommend that one be as specific as possible and focus on character traits — just as the Prophet of Islam recommended, not just what she does for the husband. For example, a husband may appreciate the way she arranges his clean laundry, but the underlying character trait may be that she is thoughtful. The husband should consider admirable traits such as being compassionate, generous, kind, devout, creative, elegant, honest, affectionate, energetic, gentle, optimistic, committed, faithful, confident, cheerful, and so on. A husband should give himself some time to construct this list, and review it in times of conflict when he is most likely to feel averse towards his wife. It will help him be more aware of his wife’s good attributes and far more likely to compliment them.

A companion asked the Prophet of God what is the right of a wife over her husband?’ He said, "That you feed her when you eat and clothe her when you clothe yourself and do not strike her face. Do not malign her and do not keep apart from her, except in the house."[3]

Conflict in marriage is virtually inevitable and it leads to lot of anger. Although anger is one of the most difficult emotions to manage, the first step toward controlling it can be learning how to forgive those who hurt us. In case of conflict, a husband should not stop talking to his wife and emotionally hurt her, but he may stop sleeping in the same bed if it will improve the situation. Under no circumstance, even when he is angry or somehow feels justified, is a husband allowed to malign her by using hurtful words or cause her any injury.


FOOTNOTES:[1]Al-Tirmidhi[2] Saheeh Muslim.[3]Abu Daud.












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islamisdeen

Oct 9, 2018 21:40

Here the issue is not about wife's rights. No one denies about wife's rights even then the obedience of wife towards husband is greater than the wife's rights on husband.

Although, we never deny about the right of husband and wife upon each other.

Here the issue is when the women of Muslim ummah as a whole have got united on making such a horrible and strong stance to reject anything and everything is rejected once they are simply goes away from their thinking methodologies even if it goes little bit of different.

But we thank Allaah for protecting us from that kinda devastation.

may Allaah guide us and them, Allaahumma ameen.

Namira7

Oct 9, 2018 23:17

Women impure are for men impure, and men impure for women impure, and women of purity are for men of purity, and men of purity are for women of purity: these are not affected by what people say: for them there is forgiveness, and a provision honorable.

Namira7

Oct 9, 2018 23:17

Women impure are for men impure, and men impure for women impure, and women of purity are for men of purity, and men of purity are for women of purity: these are not affected by what people say: for them there is forgiveness, and a provision honorable.

Namira7

Oct 9, 2018 23:17

Women impure are for men impure, and men impure for women impure, and women of purity are for men of purity, and men of purity are for women of purity: these are not affected by what people say: for them there is forgiveness, and a provision honorable.

Namira7

Oct 9, 2018 23:27

@Islamisdeen
Many sisters are facing the same problems you brothers as talking about. Brothers and sisters are both being test by their spouses and their are both brothers and sisters being blessed for having good spouses. I just pointed out what sisters are going through, like you pointed out what brothers are going through. Prophet Muhammad(SAW)addressed both situation and Allah addressed both situations and Allah is not shy in telling the truth

Namira7

Oct 10, 2018 00:23

A brother once asked, "where are the Khadijahs, Maryams,Fatimahs and Aishas"?
Sisters are asking same questions where are the Abu Bakrs, Umars,Uthmans,Alis,Khalid bin Walids Zaids, and Bilals. We are living in the last days these type of righteous brothers and sisters are very few in our time. There is much weakness in our hearts, passiveness, our communities are not strong, great sins are spreading in our community, lies are spreading, truth is rarely spoken, women are leading, men are weak, innovation is growing, children are disrespectful, fornication and adultry are spreading, homosexuality is spearding amongst tge muslim, women are uncovering themselves and men are dressing like women. this is happening in our Ummah. the Prophet(SAW) warned us about this. Our obligation is to up hold Qu'ran and Sunnah and try our best to find spouses who are striving to do the same and to raise our children accordingly. may Allah bless us to be among the righteous .

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islamisdeen

Oct 10, 2018 00:35

الْخَبِيثَاتُ لِلْخَبِيثِينَ وَالْخَبِيثُونَ لِلْخَبِيثَاتِ ۖ وَالطَّيِّبَاتُ لِلطَّيِّبِينَ وَالطَّيِّبُونَ لِلطَّيِّبَاتِ ۚ أُولَـٰئِكَ مُبَرَّءُونَ مِمَّا يَقُولُونَ ۖ لَهُم مَّغْفِرَةٌ وَرِزْقٌ كَرِيمٌ

Bad statements are for bad people (or bad women for bad men) and bad people for bad statements (or bad men for bad women). Good statements are for good people (or good women for good men) and good people for good statements (or good men for good women), such (good people) are innocent of (each and every) bad statement which they say, for them is Forgiveness, and Rizqun Karim (generous provision i.e. Paradise).

(surah noor 24 ayah 26)

First of all, i am talking about generally speaking something, so don't take it on specific issues like i am blaming some specific sisters for it, no. We don't deny that at all.

But remember what most of brothers are going through is because of sisters. Suppose a brother after brother after proposes a sister but she rejects every brother, on petty issues after petty issues. What she would do, would be given an influence to another sister who is seeing that fulan sister's action and her rejection of proposals based on that 'whatever' ground so she will do that as well. And this concept will constantly be happening in a society (as it is happening) and sometimes change the mindset of whole generation even, wal ayaazu billah.

Why i am talking about sisters because mostly the ball is in court of sister to accept or reject a proposal. At least here in Pakistan in every day life about Marriage that is what we see. However sometimes brother do the same as well, no one is denying it. But the most of time things happen because of sisters. I am seeing that generally speaking here in Pakistan and i am sure you may see it in your Muslim localities as well.

Why i am saying it because if today we didn't control our young generation then tomorrow their own parent would suffer and maybe they (the whole of generation) will suffer.

Just bringing the Qur'anic ayah or ahadeeth or fataway may not sort our the problem. The problem would be only sort out once we give this proper understanding and da'wah to correct the mistakes regarding it.

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islamisdeen

Oct 10, 2018 00:43

And we are never ever denying these:

إِنَّمَا أَمْوَالُكُمْ وَأَوْلَادُكُمْ فِتْنَةٌ ۚ وَاللَّـهُ عِندَهُ أَجْرٌ عَظِيمٌ

Your wealth and your children are only a trial, whereas Allah! With Him is a great reward (Paradise).
(surah taghabun 64 verse: 15)


وَلَنَبْلُوَنَّكُم بِشَيْءٍ مِّنَ الْخَوْفِ وَالْجُوعِ وَنَقْصٍ مِّنَ الْأَمْوَالِ وَالْأَنفُسِ وَالثَّمَرَاتِ ۗ وَبَشِّرِ الصَّابِرِينَ ﴿١٥٥﴾ الَّذِينَ إِذَا أَصَابَتْهُم مُّصِيبَةٌ قَالُوا إِنَّا لِلَّـهِ وَإِنَّا إِلَيْهِ رَاجِعُونَ

“And We will surely test you with something of fear and hunger and , a loss of wealth and lives and fruits, but give good tidings to the patient, who, when disaster strikes them, say: Indeed we belong to Allah, and indeed to Him we will return. Those are the ones upon whom are blessings from their Lord and mercy. And it is those who are [rightly] guided.”

(surah baqarah: 2: 155-157)


Narrated Abu Sa`id Al-Khudri and Abu Huraira: The Prophet (ﷺ) said:

مَا يُصِيبُ الْمُسْلِمَ مِنْ نَصَبٍ وَلاَ وَصَبٍ وَلاَ هَمٍّ وَلاَ حُزْنٍ وَلاَ أَذًى وَلاَ غَمٍّ حَتَّى الشَّوْكَةِ يُشَاكُهَا، إِلاَّ كَفَّرَ اللَّهُ بِهَا مِنْ خَطَايَاهُ ‏"‏‏.‏

“No misfortune or disease befalls a Muslim, no worry or grief or harm or distress not even a thorn that pricks him - but Allah will wipe out some of his sins because of that.”

(sahih bukhari, hadith number: 5641, 5642)

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Deleted User

Oct 10, 2018 10:51

Asslamu ALaikum,

Ha ha ha , wow thats mind boggling, by the way who is she?

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Deleted User

Oct 10, 2018 10:53


Namira7

Oct 10, 2018 00:23

A brother once asked, "where are the Khadijahs, Maryams,Fatimahs and Aishas"?

Who is this brother?

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Deleted User

Oct 10, 2018 10:53

@ Brother Islam deen, are you salaf brother, just asking?

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islamisdeen

Oct 10, 2018 13:19

Musafir, yes i am upon the salafi methodology, In sha Allaah. I am not a jamaat-e-islami or mawdoodi or sayyid qutub follower, alhamdulillah. (just saying).

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Deleted User

Oct 10, 2018 14:45

Thast great islamdeen,

I just wanted to ask you question in question, regarding smiley emotions pic in your talk for example, just for example, :* like this allowed in ISLAM while writing especially if SALAF?

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Deleted User

Oct 10, 2018 15:27

Thast great islamdeen,

I just wanted to ask you question in question, regarding smiley emotions pic in your talk for example, just for example, :* like this allowed in ISLAM while writing especially if SALAF?

Just asking

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islamisdeen

Oct 10, 2018 15:53

According to Islamqa fatwa site this was the answer about smiley faces:

Praise be to Allaah.

It seems – and Allaah knows best – that this face, whether it is smiling or sad, does not come under the same ruling as images that it is forbidden to make, draw, or use, for two reasons:

1 – It contains none of the features of a real face, such as eyes, mouth and nose, and it has no head or ears.

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:

الصورة الرأس ، فإذا قطع الرأس فلا صورة "

“The image is the head; if the head is cut off, there is no image.”

Narrated by al-Ismaa’eeli in his Mu’jam from the hadeeth of Ibn ‘Abbaas and classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah no. 1921 and in Saheeh al-Jaami’ no. 3864.

2 – The majority of fuqaha’ are of the view that if something is cut off from an image without which it could no longer live, then it is not a haraam image. For a detailed discussion of this issue and the views of other madhhabs, see Ahkaam al-Tasweer fi’l-Fiqh al-Islami, pp. 224-240.




P.S: I also don't use emoticon usually, because i think there is shubha in that. But since the issue was actually making me laugh (may Allaah guide men and women of Islam, ameen) so i used it because there are other genuine opinion about it by ulamah as well, like mentioned in this, wallahu a'alam

Namira7

Oct 10, 2018 16:27

You asked a general question or made a general statenent. All I did was let you know what sisters talk about., those looking to marry and who are married. I addressed both brothers and sisters, and even address how children are, these are the times we are living in. brothers and sisters have been scammed. people turn down others for whatever reason. listen to those who say why and don't take it personal. At the end of the day a sister must have approval of their wali or there is no marriage.

Mustafa

Oct 10, 2018 16:30

Assalam Alikoum,,

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said that a woman may be married for her wealth, her beauty, her lineage or her religious commitment, and he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) encouraged marrying the one who is religiously-committed." but are women allowed to marry for the same reasons? If so why would the prophet ( PBUH) mention this hadith in a context that's being addressed to men. now concerning how a women can choose her partner i have read a hadith where the prophet ( peace & blessings of Allah be upon him) mentioned "If there comes to you one whose religious commitment and attitude pleases you, then marry [your female relative who is under your care] to him,
for if you do not do that, there will be tribulation on earth and much corruption.” Looking at the hadiths above howcome the prophet( peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) did not mention other attributes to look for in a man from a women's point of view? or is it safe to assume that the first hadith i mentioned above applies to men and women??

Firstly we should clarify that Islamic sharee’ah only encourages seeking a righteous wife who is religiously committed, and a righteous husband who is religious and good. Religious commitment is the first and foremost aim, and other characteristics such as beauty, wealth, high position and good lineage and so on are secondary matters. They are not blameworthy in and of themselves, but they are not the basic aims, rather they are complementary qualities. If they are present, then that is ideal, otherwise religious commitment is the basis of all goodness.

This is indicated by what is mentioned in the Sunnah of praise for some of these qualities in the wife.
For example, it was narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: It was said: O Messenger of Allaah, which of women is best? He said: “The one who when he looks at her he is happy and she obeys him when he commands her, and does not go against his wishes with regard to herself or his wealth by doing what he dislikes. narrated by Ahmad (2/251); classed as hasan by al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah (1838).

The same applies to the husband: the basic principle is to seek marriage to a righteous, pious man,
as described in the hadeeth in which the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “with whose religious commitment and good character you are pleased.” If that is accompanied by good looks, wealth and high position, that is a blessing from Allaah. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) regarded a man’s wasting his money and not being able to spend on his wife as a reason for not getting married to him. That appears in the hadeeth of Faatimah bint Qays (may Allaah be pleased with her) who said: When my ‘iddah ended, I told him – meaning the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) – that Mu’aawiyah ibn Abi Sufyaan and Abu Jahm had proposed marriage to me.
The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “As for Abu Jahm, his stick never leaves his shoulder. As for Mu’aawiyah, he is very poor and has no wealth. Marry Usaamah ibn Zayd.” Narrated by Muslim (1480).

We know that wealth, good lineage and good looks are things that are desirable in both spouses in most people’s view, both believers and kaafirs. Wanting these things is something that is natural in human beings. Islam does not object to that, rather they are not pointed out because people – by their nature – pay attention to these matters and seek them; they even exaggerate about that and neglect other important things.

So Islam came to confirm what people neglect or ignore, even though this is the most desirable quality according to the standards of sharee’ah. This, also, is what distinguishes the attitude of the righteous believer from the attitude of anyone else.

Hence the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, in the famous hadeeth: “Women may be married for four things: their wealth, their lineage, their beauty and their religious commitment. Choose the one who is religiously-committed, may your hands be rubbed with dust (i.e., may you prosper).narrated by al-Bukhaari (5090), Muslim (1466)

With regard to the desirable qualities in men for marriage not being mentioned as they are in the case of women, that is not due to any differentiation between them, rather it is because usually it is the man who looks for a wife and seeks in her the qualities he chooses, and the woman usually thinks of the qualities of the man who proposes to her. So it is more appropriate that the words in the hadeeth “Women may be married for four things…” should be addressed in terms of what usually happens and is customary,
not in terms of the rare exception.

Moreover, shar’i matters are usually addressed to men, and the scholars of usool have stated that whatever is addressed to men is also addressed to women, unless there is evidence to the contrary, but it is not essential for there to be one text for men and another for women with regard to every shar’i ruling. The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Women are the twin halves of men.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi (113) and others, classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’.

and Allaah knows the Best

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Servant of Allah

Oct 12, 2018 03:19

I like your way of reasoning, Sister Namira.

Namira7

Oct 12, 2018 03:42

@Servant of Allah
Shukran

 

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