And you still wondering why?!

And you still wondering why?!

وجعل بينكم مودة ورحمة Created Sep 17, 2018 13:03

The prophet peace be upon him said in his last sermon (farewell sermon) :
“All mankind is from Adam and Eve, an Arab has no superiority over a non-Arab nor a non-Arab has any superiority over an Arab; also a white has no superiority over black nor a black has any superiority over white except by piety and good action. Learn that every Muslim is a brother to every Muslim and that the Muslims constitute one brotherhood. Nothing shall be legitimate to a Muslim which belongs to a fellow Muslim unless it was given freely and willingly.
Do not therefore do injustice to yourselves. Remember one day you will meet Allah and answer your deeds. So beware, do not astray from the path of righteousness after I am gone.”

It’s sad to see that after 1440 years some Muslims are still talking about
Arab and no Arab
Born Muslim and revert
Bengali, Indian and Pakistani
Black, white and brown
Sadly a lot Muslims chose to follow culture and traditions over deen , and you still wondering why most of these marriages are not successful?i


This topic has 22 comments


Sep 17, 2018 14:48

i tell u why, it's one of the human natures, where we tend to feel comfortable at things that we know n we understand of, if we see something that's different, we slightly alert ourselves to be cautious, Its just like a comfort zone u knw, n not all people want to get out from a comfort zone, even just a bit, so i guess it's ok to choose what we want to choose, the real problem is where we start to compare each other to see who's best n all


Sep 17, 2018 15:15

Asalamu aylukum to all Mashaallah what ever my brother has said above is absolutely correct. But what our sister has said reflects the wonderful understanding of her Mashaallah may be we can call it FAQ of our sister how she nicely explained everybody wants to remain in comfort zone I think it's their right and most probably everybodys right and what our sister mentioned lastly when we start comparing with each other thinking who is better than who ,but really appreciate my sister may Allah bless us all ameen


Sep 17, 2018 15:33

anyway, a relationship, whatsoever it is, can brake when they don't have enough commitment n the most part is being too selfish n won't even trying to understand the partner's condition or the difference that he/she might has.
n about we choosing cultures or traditions or stereotype values over the deen, is because we've been living with it since we're a baby, n that makes our mind says (schemes) that those r the right things to follow, this belief will brake only If, there's a clear reason or evidence that can deny it, refute it, that's why.
n anyway marriages broken, because of a lot factors. the hadith which u brought up there, basically only tells us that we are the same, humans, n in spite of having so many differences, we r not defined by those differences, not by our color, by our race, or by any other form, so we'll act good to whoever the person is, n we'll learn more. the most broken marriages were not only caused by our lack of accepting other's values, traits, cultures or stuff, it's caused by a lot of factors, so it's not the 'u're an arab or u're a non arab' part that becomes a problem, those labels only help us to know where did we come from, the problem is, we're lack of understanding to our partner, we're lack of good communication, temper control, commitment, n those skills that'll be used in building a fully functional family.
i'm just saying, that the correlation between the hadith n "most broken marriages" that u said is not 100% right, that correlation right for a small number of broken marriages, it's just this sounded u're generalizing the issue by saying "most marriages"

وجعل بينكم مودة ورحمة

Sep 17, 2018 15:58

Human natures, comfort zone, culture, traditions etc call it whatever you want, but in the end you get to chose, either to obey Allah and put your trust in him or obey what culture, traditions, rules, society, people, your nafss tells you.


Sep 17, 2018 16:03

well, our ability's basically different, so don't assume that we're all can do all those, some people can't do it, so why bother ? we're doing good at stuff that we can get, or we can do, if we can't, n we're not trying hard to, that's ok, not all of us r fast learners.


Sep 17, 2018 16:41

Yeah my brother I think what sister is saying I think it would be accepted by every rational being because if you have studied Islamic FAQ there is something called kufa it's Arabic word which relates to compatibility as sister already has agreed accepted the real problem is when someone starts bosting upon others i don't see any issues with sisters comments as a student of Islamic knowledge from various great scholars i see what sister is mentioning is absolutely fine and inaccordance to Islam inshaallah and Allah knows best


Sep 17, 2018 16:59

Lastly what sister mentioned reminds me of my shiekhs comment shiek magamasi of madina while teaching tafser he was saying its impossible that we can all be at same level . So I think we brothers should only demand sincerity from sisters I mean while writing their profiles rather than questioning their choices

وجعل بينكم مودة ورحمة

Sep 17, 2018 17:10

People are really missing the point here!

What i was trying to say is, Muslims following culture, traditions and all these things created and made by men over deen that Allah choose for us, and then they are wondering why they are unhappy? Why they can't find happiness in their relationships?


Sep 17, 2018 17:24

My brother may Allah bless you for your comments you are absolutely right even I would say what you said are golden words no muslim can disagree what you said , but my brother we should also accept this our level of iman is not that high may be you have I don't doubt your iman but I am taking about in general the level of iman is not so strong that a person would leave everything behind for deen that why I appreciated sister when she said we are different and we are different then I mentioned you about my beloved shiekh magamasi what he used to say that we can't expect everyone at same iman level but I really appreciate you, you are putting deen in front of everything it's really praise worthy may Allah bless you and grant me stronger iman ameen


Sep 17, 2018 17:30

Brother please correct me if I am mentioning anything which is wrong I mean against Quran and sunnah

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Sep 17, 2018 21:02

Love your first comment D.N

وجعل بينكم مودة ورحمة

Sep 17, 2018 22:04

"about we choosing cultures or traditions or stereotype values over the deen, is because we've been living with it since we're a baby"

You know people of the prophet peace be upon him said something similar to him when he invited them to Islam, they said, this is what our fathers worshipped, we are following their steps
You want to destroy our lifestyles? and rules? and traditions?

Just to be clear I'm not comparing you to them..

So this is the real problem and people are really missing my point, what i was trying to say that most of these rules are made by people and most of time, it has nothing to do with deen, and a lot people think it's from deen but it's not, sometimes these things are against deen, and by the way, it's not just marriage but many other things as well.

and about the marriage, what i was trying to say is people choose their partners based on these rules and traditions and not based on deen, for example prophet peace be upon him said: "If there comes to you one with whose character and religious commitment you are pleased, then marry (your daughter or female relative under your care) to him, for if you do not do that there will be Fitnah in the land and widespread corruption.'

He said, his character and religious commitment, he didn't said his race or ethnicity or skin color

Same thing goes with women, the prophet peace be upon him said "Women are married for four things: their wealth, their nobility, their beauty and their religious commitment. Choose the one who is religiously committed, may your hands be rubbed with dust."

So people either they chose to follow what deen says or what culture impose on them.

وجعل بينكم مودة ورحمة

Sep 17, 2018 22:23

I will give you a very clear example
Some people say that location is a big problem, and it is a big problem, it's HUGE problem and obstacle so i understand that but what i can't understand is when two persons living in same country, in same city, and the person seem like a nice and a good person but...but there is one "problem"
What is this problem?
Well...he is Indian!
So what?
I'm Pakistani, Pakistanis don't marry Indians


Allah and his prophet peace be upon him didn't said that, so where this thing come from?
and the answer is: culture, traditions, politics etc anything but Islam


Sep 18, 2018 08:26

our culture and tradition is our deen

وجعل بينكم مودة ورحمة

Sep 18, 2018 14:19

NOT my deen


Sep 18, 2018 16:32

Asalamu aylukum all i do agree with my brother when saying if Muslims start rejecting on bases of ethnicity like he gave the example of Pakistani not marrying Indian because of ethnicity. Well this is never expected from muslim


Sep 18, 2018 18:17

actually, there's 'compatibility' theory in Islam about marriage, n even let's take the 4 imams have a different view on what's that 'compatibility' in marriage,
In madhzab maliki, what is meant by compatibily here is the similarity (al-mumatsalah) in two things, namely the similarity in the quality of religion where a Muslim should be not with the wicked, and the second is the common condition in physical health. Information like this can be found in the Taj Al-Iklil (volume 3, ha. 460)

As for Madhab Shafi'i as described in Al-Majmu '(volume 2, p. 39) it is the same in four things; similarities in nasab, religion, social order (free or slave), and work.

Whereas in Madhab Hanbali of thought, Al-Mawardi in Al-Inshaf (volume 8, p. 108) it meant, the similarity in five things: Religion, work, economic status, social status (independence or slave), and nasab.

while in madhzab Hanafi, compatibility is perceived as the equivalence between women and men in six things: Nasab, Islam, work, freedom or slaves, religious quality, and economic status. (tho i can't find a clear reference abt this statement, u can look for urself)

so it's fine to have preferences, cz that means we know things that suit us, we cant just snatch a random person n hey marry me. n btw there's also in the Qur'an (an-nisa verse 3) that it's ok to choose the women whom can please u, or attract u. n attraction cn be from beauty, wealth, religion, n the offspring, n we should choose the religion, but that doesn't mean we can neglect the other thing, like fr example if there's a 50 yrs old man with a very religious man, n a 23 yrs old man with his religion on average level, i can't just choose that 50 yrs old man, cz that might cause sm problem too, our way of thinking is different, or personalities different, our humor is different, n my parents, or his parents, my family or his, might see this a bit different, so everything matters. that's why there's 'compatibility' term.


Sep 18, 2018 18:20

sorry for some random mistyping up there, i got the auto correction on

وجعل بينكم مودة ورحمة

Sep 18, 2018 19:17

Please read my previous comment, the one where i gave this example about Indians and Pakistanis.

So even if this person found everything she was looking for in this man, and this guy meets her requests, preferences, conditions etc, but there is one "problem":
He is Indian! and according to her culture, a Pakistani can't marry an Indian (just to be clear, that's just an example)

I never said that is not ok to have preferences, we all have preferences, i have a preferences, we are humans, we are not angels
My question is: Why when you find someone who meets your preferences and he/she is a good person and a good Muslim and there is a chemistry between you, but you can't be with this person because of some silly, unlogical rules imposed by society or culture or whatever it is?!!


Sep 19, 2018 03:47

idk well maybe her family prefer a non indian ? n maybe she doesnt want to make any issue in the future wth her family ?, or maybe she herself has a preference too that the guy must not b an indian bcs of some reasons ?, some traits of indians n stuff ? n this include as her compatibility ? who knows, she knows what suit her best than us, she knows her ability n stuff while we're the outsider know nothing about her. different comunity different culture n different personality, maybe she only trying to minimize some certain differences ? bcs me personally, i too not choosing for some countries (if it has to be a foreigner), bcs of some things, but its hard for me as well to choose an Indonesian, cz so much Indonesians r following sufism, n they really content to sufism, n that makes some people blindly follow some preachers irrationally. n some of them fill their lives with irrational beliefs due to the mixed up culture between Islam n hinduism, plus sufism. so it effects the way of thinking of someone, n maybe someone has a reason like me. who knows


Sep 20, 2018 07:58

sis is right cul and tra is mixed with other cul and tra mostly western


Sep 20, 2018 12:18

Asalamu to all I think the bitter reality over here is most of sister's All most all over here won't like to get married in 3 world countries. I think threre is nothing wrong in it worldly as well as islamically as long as the guy Muslim they have ever right to do that but the real trouble is when one vists there profile they mention everything there but don't mention this very fact. As an average Muslim I am not trying to over express things now being here for less than 2 months but I have started to play the waiting game and most importantly seeking help of Allah May Allah help me with something special ameen


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