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Why is polygamy a social taboo ??

Why is polygamy a social taboo ??

Ownshahjee Created Aug 6, 2018 19:56
22 Comments

I wonder why polygamy has become a taboo even in Islamic world. Is it wrong to marry another woman to fulfil one’s sexual desires if a man can justify in both sexual and financial means.

 

This topic has 29 comments

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islamisdeen

Aug 6, 2018 21:08

This issue is being already discussed. Check these post:

https://www.helahel.com/forum/view_post/1240

Melleck

Aug 10, 2018 12:02

Polygamy like many other matters in islam is a test of Allah SWT for both men and women. In my humble opinion I can explain in simple terms as follows:

For men, if they marry more than one than their test is to do justice among their wives and take good care of them.

For women, their test is that they accept polygamy in the first place as it is allowed by our Creator Allah SWT. The second test is whether they accept that their husbands can marry more women and share their husbands with other women and don't create problems just for the sake of the pleasure of Allah SWT. If they pass this test then there is a great reward for them in the hereafter. Women have to sacrifice by sharing their husband just for the sake of Allah SWT and you think Allah SWT will not reward you for this great sacrifice? Specially, women who are blessed with good husbands should share their husbands and allow them to marry more than one so that other women can also benefit. In this there is an even greater reward for them with Allah SWT.

Allah SWT allowed polygamy because there are many good things that it accomplishes:

It allows men to pursue halal relationahips rather than going after haram.

It offers widows, divorced women and women who can't get a good husband for any reason to get a husband by being their 2nd, 3rd or 4th wife.

In some areas of the world there are more women than men hence, polygamy allows women to get husbands where there is shortage of men.

Allah SWT and his Prophet Muhammad SAW know best.

Nadia_ 1963

Aug 12, 2018 00:32

Thousands of years ago there were more women because of men dying in war and fighting. It was a good idea for men to have more than one wife so widowed women would be cared for by the husband.
In the twentieth century there is no such problem .Allah made women more emotional and sensitive than men . They cannot deal with sharing their husband and why should they ??? Plenty of fish in the sea. Thats why women are picky and choosy when it comes to finding a suitable husband.

Nadia_ 1963

Aug 12, 2018 00:35

I have never ever heard of a happily married second wife !!! Any woman who is a 2nd wife and very happy please let me hear your story !!!

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Deleted User

Aug 12, 2018 07:10

The question of the person is to fulfil sexual desire. There you see a man only wanting is s*x. Second marriage is Islam is allowed for more reasons. Nowadays for men it’s just for s*x. One person contacted me for second marriage and when I asked why he wanted second wife. His answer was just to have fun!!

This is degrading women and also not at all Islamic to marry just for sexual pleasure.

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Deleted User

Aug 12, 2018 07:10

The question of the person is to fulfil sexual desire. There you see a man only wanting is s*x. Second marriage is Islam is allowed for more reasons. Nowadays for men it’s just for s*x. One person contacted me for second marriage and when I asked why he wanted second wife. His answer was just to have fun!!

This is degrading women and also not at all Islamic to marry just for sexual pleasure.

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islamisdeen

Aug 12, 2018 07:48

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rFUQWQi9N_M&t=1244s

Doosri Shaadi Pe Aetaraazaat aur Un Kay Jawaabaat - Mufti Tariq Masood

I am not from the maslak of mufti sahib, but what mufti sahib explained is good. And the women should get married as 2nd and third wife.

Seeking a spouse for deen takes precedence over other reasons but being more polygamous is part of life as well.

Being polygamous is also like other feeling. Like being hungry, thursty, angry etc. So someone can get less or more hungry. Some one may need a lot of food and others need just nominal level of food consumption depending upon how much and how hard they work. Someone may have to drink a lot of liquids depending upon their work and others may have to drink lesser drink, water etc. Someone can get angry on small issues others may get angry on big issues or stay in peace in every issue.

Now comes the person being polygamous as well. Some may have more of this feeling and some may have less of this feeling. Its by nature how a person is. Having more polygamous in nature doesn't mean they want to degrade women neither having less desires by nature means they want to disrespect women.

But the basic point is that a man who marries two or three wives must be able to deal with his wives justly with 'adal in whatever way he can.

Each human is different. Keeping this thought in mind now second marriage is allowed and Islam and sisters need to see this before they are choosing the spouse. And if its possible men should also reveal it to family of sister in hidden words so that they know what they will have to go through in future. As it is also possible that a sister may be less or more polygamous. So if she can understand it and accept it she can accept the proposal otherwise they can deny it.

wallahu a'alam.

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Deleted User

Aug 12, 2018 09:01

Islamisdeen can you tell me when a man proposes a second marriage by saying he wants to do it just for fun. What should a womans reaction be?

safxxx

Aug 12, 2018 10:06

anyone man proposing to a woman for a second marriage just for fun,, is not a man, just a very shallow and selfish individual who is using religion as an excuse to marry

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islamisdeen

Aug 12, 2018 15:12

Reem, i already have given my view and given the mufti sahib view as well (in Urdu) in a youtube url.

The word 'just for fun' is a huge word and it may have many of hidden things which we may not know completely what the person means by it.

However, If there is a man proposing a sister, he can take care of one wife or more than one wife financially and by other means and with that he even mention that he's polygamous by nature as well. Then there is nothing wrong in that. But you gotta see it if he's following basics of deen as well or not. For example does he pray 5 times a day on time, does he have an understanding of tawhid. Does he knows what is shirk etc. If he does and with that he's a little more polygamous as well then there is nothing wrong in that.

But if he is polygamous but he even does not know that it is fardh upon him to keep beard or take care of his wife(s) rights and be kind to his family and other basic things of deen then such a man may not be a good one for any sister to accept his proposal.

wallahu a'alam.

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Deleted User

Aug 12, 2018 19:26

I love hoe. Men support men

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islamisdeen

Aug 12, 2018 20:37

If you wrote that to me then i doubt you have checked what i write in this forum.

I write many of times against of men (or women) because for me, In sha Allaah, adal and deen takes precedence over taking sides or supporting groups or individuals or even genders.

Ownshahjee

Aug 14, 2018 04:09

Reem you belong to almost same culture as mine it’s very simple when we talk about marriage it is only because of two reasons 1 is to form a basic unit of society and 2 second is to prevent society from any disorder. sexual desire is one of two basic desires GOD has given to it’s all creatures second is desire for food. My question is very simple and straightforward I do believe it’s one’s own choice to have polygamous relationship but why it has become a taboo

ally

Aug 14, 2018 06:50

the brothers have have put their concern for the benefit of the deen for both bro and sis

ally

Aug 14, 2018 07:03

look at the recent wars there are more woman than man and u cannot generalise if an issue has croppedup

Ownshahjee

Aug 14, 2018 11:27

You are right ally I just want to understand why a Nobel act for society has become a taboo even in Islamic societies and Muslims I am not saying every one should involve in polygamous relations if a man want a second wife why his first wife his family consider this as sin and even sister in Deen and their families prefer to burry them unmarried rather to marry as a Co wife. This become more nasty when we saw a brother committing zinah and his wife accept it but refuse to accept Co wife.

ally

Aug 15, 2018 07:16

u r absuloatly right in fact its not taboo in most Asian countries its practised in Africa its ramphant and in the us the Mormon christiants have a family of more than 10 wives and in Europe under a different name called mistress as many as u like but practised hidenly



Melleck

Aug 22, 2018 17:26

Ploygamy is not about wars reducing the number of men and leaving more women behind. The essence behind allowing polygamy is sharing, caring, love, empathy, patience and sacrificing for others benefit.

For some bad men who treat unjustly their 2nd, 3rd or 4th wife, you can't blame or prohibit polygamy. Like if some bad muslims don't follow islam you can blame islam.

At the end, everyone has to be answerable and accountable before Allah Subanu wa taala and that is the essence of religion. If a women doesn't want to be 2nd, 3rd or 4th wife you can't force her.

Similarly, you can't nullify, blame or discourage polygamy if you are a muslim as it has been allowed by Allah for men to have more than one wife but made them accountable for doing justice among them. There is no condition of wars, more women in society or anything else. The only condition is to do justice among them and treat them fairly. In it is a great benefit for many women who are widowed, raising children on their own need a support, are divorced and need a companion in life etc etc. The idea is to share your good husbands for the benefit of other women. I have not seen a single woman in my life who is willing to share his husband for the benefit of other women in a polhgamous relationship but I have seen hindreds of widows, divorced women raising children on their own, badly need someone in their life who can support them and share their burden, love them and take care of them.

If a woman shares his good husband in this their is a great reward for her and I personally consider her to be a wali friend of Allah because it's not an easy thing to do. Similarly if a good man marries another women in need and takes good care of her and do justice among his wifes then I consider him to be a wali friend of Allah because it's not an easy thing to do.

Ahmedz

Aug 23, 2018 18:14

I think there are many good reasons for it such as marrying a divorcee, widow, first wife has illness etc.

But its disappointing to hear some guys wanting to do it for fun. very disrespectful to their first wife, second wife as well as women in general.

Khadija

Sep 1, 2018 11:58

Does anyone in here really understand what polygamy is? By definition?
Polygamy goes both ways for men, as well as for women.. Meaning.. Men, many wives. Women, many husbands. Many.. not four.
Correct wording for Islam is "polygyny" One husband.. up to four wives.

mmsabah38

Sep 3, 2018 17:50

Allah has allow men to have 2,3 or 4 wife's, is because by nature man has sexual desire four times them woman...man is producing sperms in the interval of every four hours...if can man can marry a woman to fulfill his sexual desire while doing justice to his wives I do not see any problem,,also to treat woman like human being and friendship attached to it... Even quran say that man can not love all woman but he have to be kind to them...give them smiles and say good things about them..To love them equally is not possible...

ally

Sep 4, 2018 08:32

only strong faith will determine the fact ,as patients on both sides are recommended and allah swt will reward for that insallah

shaukatbannu

Sep 9, 2018 07:08

2nd, marriage Will reduce bad ways for men, muslim women should support this, i think only pious men are looking for polygamy, others use short cut ways like GF.

shaukatbannu

Sep 9, 2018 07:11

I m also looking for 2nd wife, bcoz naturally i like women, i want romance, my first wife remain busy with kids much time... So Who Will Marry me being mu 2nd wife......

Sellah waingo43yrs

Sep 9, 2018 21:13

A,.a. brother Shauk, getting a helper to assist your wife with kids and also assisting her will ensure she has more time for romance, remember she also has needs and marrying a second wife solves your needs but the first wives physical needs

Sellah waingo43yrs

Sep 9, 2018 21:15

Also a man proposing to marry a second wife should be providing fully for the first one, if the first wife has to leave the home to work for food for her and the children, should the man still think of marrying more wives?

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Deleted User

Sep 11, 2018 20:12

I do not agree that "Polygamy" is a taboo as the initiator of this forum presumed, it has all to do with becoming a cultural thing. Just like we evolve in characteristics of the society we live in. The beauty of ISLAM is it unites followers by centralizing the command and we pray alike, fast alike, hajj alike and what happens on the day of EID-UDDAH in KSA will happen in USA, UK , Pakistan, India etc..

ALLAH never wanted us to marry more unless if we are able to justify among them. There are positive and negative impacts in our life when we intend to go for second or more wives. If wives do accept polygamy then it is better for them as they can become helper in their household jobs and taking care of their family.

I have read about even pious wives of the Prophet (peace be upon him) to be having remorse among themselves because of extreme love of Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him & have never lacked in serving him upmost... period

Personally, I would say I should marry second, if I can take care of them in timely division and equally. Which is so tough so I feel one is just fine.

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Deleted User

Sep 11, 2018 22:37

I don’t think it’s social taboo I just think a lot of women are put off with the idea because a lot of men’s reason to get married again is all focused on their own sexual desires (as some of the comments above confirm)

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Deleted User

Sep 12, 2018 01:42

They have word for women polygamy and it is called "Polyandry". well there you have it, women try competing in everything again. This is meant for disbelieving women but nowadays we see men/women become intellectuals and defy what ISLAM tells us in soft core manner, does this not make him/her denying ALLAH's path?

Shythan did wonders and even tempered past some scholars in to proving their points otherwise with fake or weak narrated hadees to justify thus creating a sect. And after we are divided our strength departed. ALLAH wanted us to hold on to the rope of ALLAH and stay united. Can you see where I am going with it?

 

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