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Why is polygamy a social taboo ??

Why is polygamy a social taboo ??

Ownshahjee Created Aug 6, 2018 19:56
17 Comments

I wonder why polygamy has become a taboo even in Islamic world. Is it wrong to marry another woman to fulfil one’s sexual desires if a man can justify in both sexual and financial means.

 

This topic has 17 comments

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islamisdeen

Aug 6, 2018 21:08

This issue is being already discussed. Check these post:

https://www.helahel.com/forum/view_post/1240

Melleck

Aug 10, 2018 12:02

Polygamy like many other matters in islam is a test of Allah SWT for both men and women. In my humble opinion I can explain in simple terms as follows:

For men, if they marry more than one than their test is to do justice among their wives and take good care of them.

For women, their test is that they accept polygamy in the first place as it is allowed by our Creator Allah SWT. The second test is whether they accept that their husbands can marry more women and share their husbands with other women and don't create problems just for the sake of the pleasure of Allah SWT. If they pass this test then there is a great reward for them in the hereafter. Women have to sacrifice by sharing their husband just for the sake of Allah SWT and you think Allah SWT will not reward you for this great sacrifice? Specially, women who are blessed with good husbands should share their husbands and allow them to marry more than one so that other women can also benefit. In this there is an even greater reward for them with Allah SWT.

Allah SWT allowed polygamy because there are many good things that it accomplishes:

It allows men to pursue halal relationahips rather than going after haram.

It offers widows, divorced women and women who can't get a good husband for any reason to get a husband by being their 2nd, 3rd or 4th wife.

In some areas of the world there are more women than men hence, polygamy allows women to get husbands where there is shortage of men.

Allah SWT and his Prophet Muhammad SAW know best.

Nadia_ 1963

Aug 12, 2018 00:32

Thousands of years ago there were more women because of men dying in war and fighting. It was a good idea for men to have more than one wife so widowed women would be cared for by the husband.
In the twentieth century there is no such problem .Allah made women more emotional and sensitive than men . They cannot deal with sharing their husband and why should they ??? Plenty of fish in the sea. Thats why women are picky and choosy when it comes to finding a suitable husband.

Nadia_ 1963

Aug 12, 2018 00:35

I have never ever heard of a happily married second wife !!! Any woman who is a 2nd wife and very happy please let me hear your story !!!

Reem

Aug 12, 2018 07:10

The question of the person is to fulfil sexual desire. There you see a man only wanting is s*x. Second marriage is Islam is allowed for more reasons. Nowadays for men it’s just for s*x. One person contacted me for second marriage and when I asked why he wanted second wife. His answer was just to have fun!!

This is degrading women and also not at all Islamic to marry just for sexual pleasure.

Reem

Aug 12, 2018 07:10

The question of the person is to fulfil sexual desire. There you see a man only wanting is s*x. Second marriage is Islam is allowed for more reasons. Nowadays for men it’s just for s*x. One person contacted me for second marriage and when I asked why he wanted second wife. His answer was just to have fun!!

This is degrading women and also not at all Islamic to marry just for sexual pleasure.

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islamisdeen

Aug 12, 2018 07:48

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rFUQWQi9N_M&t=1244s

Doosri Shaadi Pe Aetaraazaat aur Un Kay Jawaabaat - Mufti Tariq Masood

I am not from the maslak of mufti sahib, but what mufti sahib explained is good. And the women should get married as 2nd and third wife.

Seeking a spouse for deen takes precedence over other reasons but being more polygamous is part of life as well.

Being polygamous is also like other feeling. Like being hungry, thursty, angry etc. So someone can get less or more hungry. Some one may need a lot of food and others need just nominal level of food consumption depending upon how much and how hard they work. Someone may have to drink a lot of liquids depending upon their work and others may have to drink lesser drink, water etc. Someone can get angry on small issues others may get angry on big issues or stay in peace in every issue.

Now comes the person being polygamous as well. Some may have more of this feeling and some may have less of this feeling. Its by nature how a person is. Having more polygamous in nature doesn't mean they want to degrade women neither having less desires by nature means they want to disrespect women.

But the basic point is that a man who marries two or three wives must be able to deal with his wives justly with 'adal in whatever way he can.

Each human is different. Keeping this thought in mind now second marriage is allowed and Islam and sisters need to see this before they are choosing the spouse. And if its possible men should also reveal it to family of sister in hidden words so that they know what they will have to go through in future. As it is also possible that a sister may be less or more polygamous. So if she can understand it and accept it she can accept the proposal otherwise they can deny it.

wallahu a'alam.

Reem

Aug 12, 2018 09:01

Islamisdeen can you tell me when a man proposes a second marriage by saying he wants to do it just for fun. What should a womans reaction be?

safxxx

Aug 12, 2018 10:06

anyone man proposing to a woman for a second marriage just for fun,, is not a man, just a very shallow and selfish individual who is using religion as an excuse to marry

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islamisdeen

Aug 12, 2018 15:12

Reem, i already have given my view and given the mufti sahib view as well (in Urdu) in a youtube url.

The word 'just for fun' is a huge word and it may have many of hidden things which we may not know completely what the person means by it.

However, If there is a man proposing a sister, he can take care of one wife or more than one wife financially and by other means and with that he even mention that he's polygamous by nature as well. Then there is nothing wrong in that. But you gotta see it if he's following basics of deen as well or not. For example does he pray 5 times a day on time, does he have an understanding of tawhid. Does he knows what is shirk etc. If he does and with that he's a little more polygamous as well then there is nothing wrong in that.

But if he is polygamous but he even does not know that it is fardh upon him to keep beard or take care of his wife(s) rights and be kind to his family and other basic things of deen then such a man may not be a good one for any sister to accept his proposal.

wallahu a'alam.

Reem

Aug 12, 2018 19:26

I love hoe. Men support men

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islamisdeen

Aug 12, 2018 20:37

If you wrote that to me then i doubt you have checked what i write in this forum.

I write many of times against of men (or women) because for me, In sha Allaah, adal and deen takes precedence over taking sides or supporting groups or individuals or even genders.

Ownshahjee

Aug 14, 2018 04:09

Reem you belong to almost same culture as mine it’s very simple when we talk about marriage it is only because of two reasons 1 is to form a basic unit of society and 2 second is to prevent society from any disorder. sexual desire is one of two basic desires GOD has given to it’s all creatures second is desire for food. My question is very simple and straightforward I do believe it’s one’s own choice to have polygamous relationship but why it has become a taboo

ally

Aug 14, 2018 06:50

the brothers have have put their concern for the benefit of the deen for both bro and sis

ally

Aug 14, 2018 07:03

look at the recent wars there are more woman than man and u cannot generalise if an issue has croppedup

Ownshahjee

Aug 14, 2018 11:27

You are right ally I just want to understand why a Nobel act for society has become a taboo even in Islamic societies and Muslims I am not saying every one should involve in polygamous relations if a man want a second wife why his first wife his family consider this as sin and even sister in Deen and their families prefer to burry them unmarried rather to marry as a Co wife. This become more nasty when we saw a brother committing zinah and his wife accept it but refuse to accept Co wife.

ally

Aug 15, 2018 07:16

u r absuloatly right in fact its not taboo in most Asian countries its practised in Africa its ramphant and in the us the Mormon christiants have a family of more than 10 wives and in Europe under a different name called mistress as many as u like but practised hidenly



 

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