In the name of Allah most gracious most merciful. As-salaamu alaykum. My name is Hamzah, and I am 46. Each day my goal is to please Allah. I love the prophet Muhammad more than I love myself, peace be upon him. I seek Jannah and hope to have a wife to share it with. I have a daughter and a son both of them are grown 24 and 29 respectively. I pray Jummah Salat at different mosques behind different Brothers to learn the religion. I'm a patient and affectionate person and am looking to share My Worship with a righteous and pious wife all praise be to Allah.
I am a person who gives a wide road to my fellow believers. we are all at different places in our Iman. The important thing to me is for us to keep our ummah whole. I am looking for a wife who wants to help with that. In Utah we have a small community, however there are some very knowledgeable brothers and sisters out here to learn from.
I am a very affectionate and romantic person. I know the value of a strong relationship. I want to share a life with someone in a way that enhances both of us.
Whomever is reading this I respect you as a Muslimah and as Allah willing my potential wife, so I must be forthright. I spent the past 25 years in prison. I was recently released on December 28th on parole that is why in my profile I have said that I cannot relocate anywhere else, because of my parole stipulations I must stay in Utah. I became a Muslim in prison in 2000 and have changed my life completely because of it. I am heartened by the fact that all the prophet's companions were non-believers before the prophet peace be upon him was revealed his prophethood. I am nowhere near the person who committed the crime to enter prison so with that bombshell being dropped a little perspective. my father was a heroin dealer, and my mother may Allah have mercy on her soul testified against him turning him in when I was just an infant. we were put into the federal protected Witness Program and relocated to California. I was raised in California in San Jose (The Bay Area) until I was 13, then we came back to Utah. in Utah being a mixed African American created some identity problems so in a search for acceptance, at around the age of 15 I began following the black rap hip-hop counterculture which led to partying and different aspects of behavior that created a desensitized mind-state; this led me to committing a robbery as a young man in my twenties, where I took a man's life and was subsequently incarcerated in 1997. For five years I was in a pretrial detainee’s position and was charged with a capital homicide. I was fighting the death penalty. My attorneys made it very clear to me that if I went to trial and was convicted, I would be given the death penalty. So, for five years I sat contemplating in a way that most people don't have an opportunity too. Where you know that your life has been forfeit and that there is nobody or power that is going to stop that from taking place. There is nobody who is going to hit the eject button for you. I asked myself deeply personal questions what type of Legacy I want to leave behind. knowing that you have a finite period of time left you think how I want my children to know me, my mother and sister to remember me, what impression and example do I want to leave on the people who meet and see me? Based on those questions I began to change my behaviors. I began to think about what caused me to end up where I was, I began slowly incrementally changing those aspects of my personality. after a couple years of that I found Islam. once I became a Muslim, I understood that there was a power that could save me I realized at that point that Allah has the power to do whatever he Wills. but it is up to me to do what I need to do to worship and honor Allah's right of tauhid, so I did this for the next 3 years and Allah Subhanallah tala granted me a plea agreement. with a parole able sentence. the plea agreement was illegal, but my lawyers counseled me to accept it so that there was at least hope at the end of the road. so, I did and in 2000-2001 I was remitted to the custody of the Utah Department of Corrections and began my prison sentence. for the next 20 years I progressively grew in my religion. the prognosis at that point was that I would do at least 50 years in prison. all the legal stipulations, the consecutive nature of my charges, the guidelines from the Board of Pardons everything pointed to the fact that I would be spending at least 50 years in prison. with the presumption of doing life in prison. I lived my life to please Allah I attempted to teach Brothers Islam. teach myself Islam. Not so much Fiqh but actions and manners. I attempted to learn Arabic, unsuccessfully but I have a patchwork vocabulary. I got my college degree from Utah State University. I then went on to get a certificate of construction management from Snow College. I helped create a program in prison called S.T.R.I.V.E. (Success Through Responsibility Values and Effort) to help Brothers reintegrate into Society on parole successfully, I taught classes on substance abuse, language and thinking errors. I worked out continuously maintaining my physical fitness. I played Sports and engaged in many group activities in prison specifically soccer. I embraced different cultures Africans, Iraqis, Iranians, Palestinians, Pakistani, Guatemala and Honduras all sorts of men in prison and heard their stories. I was trying to understand what it was what the Common Thread was that brought all these individuals into this purgatory. and then I worked to try to help those brothers find Islam successful in some cases unsuccessfully in most, but I lived my life as if prison was my life and I lived my life to please Allah. I tried too at least. I saw the board for the first time and was expecting at least another 10- or 15-year rehearing to see them again. and through the power of Allah, and the Muslim Brothers in the community who stood by my side at my hearing, and the body of work that I had created underneath myself in prison to help other people. the board went outside my guidelines, went against the public outcry for my continued imprisonment, the victim outcry for my continued imprisonment and they released me. SubhanAllah Allahu Akbar! only through the power of Allah can good come to us this I know as a fact. I also know that no matter how difficult and negative the situation seems that if you truly have an intention to please Allah the result will be a blessing from Allah. so here I sit out of prison I have an apartment partially furnished the most important things computer, air fryer, tea kettle, microwave, two televisions among other things modest but a beginning. I also have a work vehicle an Astro van 2001 I have a great job. I work for a Muslim. I'm involved in my community I regularly pray at the Muslim Community Center in Salt Lake City. I also do lessons in Ogden at the Islamic Center of Kuwait, which is run by the brother Mohamed Al Tigar. Also, two nights a week I study Quran and Tajweed with Sheikh Harun. These brothers, some of whom I've known for five years. they came out regularly to administer Jummah in prison to us they know me very well, they have accepted me into their Ummah. and everything is going well at this point. I have no tattoos I didn't bring any of the stink or stigma of prison out with me. I never considered myself a prisoner I was always just a Muslim and I'm only trying to be a Muslim. so here I am looking for marriage for a wife to complete my Deen. and this is the difficult information I have to give to you; I was going to wait until some conversation was established to say this because it is so personal. However, I recently realized that is not fair to hold this from anyone, especially if I want you to respect me as a leader of our home. if I go into this with the intention to please Allah I believe that my Dua will be answered either in a wife, averting a calamity or Sawab in the Akhirah. how is my life out here on parole? my parole officer is very hands-off I only check in with him once a month. he doesn't come to the house and interrupt my life he doesn't call me in for random urine analysis. he trusts in my record in my history and believes that if he stays out of my way it'll make me more successful. but I do have the stipulation that I can't leave the country. so, until I complete my parole, I will not be able to make hajj. also, I cannot leave the state. therefore, one of my deal-breaker questions was asking if you would be able to relocate. I do have goals, the problem only being that I'm 25 years behind. I spent 25 years in prison so what's the upside? well the upside is I have an Outlook and a perspective unique in the brothers that you will ever meet. I have a respect and appreciation for the minutiae of Allah's creation that most of the brothers are not going to have. I have a divestment from the trappings of the Dunya that many brothers won't have. I have thought about and been without intimate personal relationships. and I understand their value in a way that people who have not been subjected to their absence can understand. I realize how important simple hugs touch and smiles are. I understand how important genuine intellectual and emotional connection are. in prison you constantly guard yourself against becoming truly intellectually and emotionally attached to individuals. not because of some sort of harm that they'll do to you or some sort of backhanded backstabber type of an affair. simply because they leave and you're doing life. they get paroled or move to a different housing unit and you become separated so you're constantly losing everyone that you love, on a regular basis. if you allow yourself to have those serious intimate affections toward your brothers and Friends it can be very painful. so being without that and now being introduced to a community where I can fully Express the emotional value of the people who are around me, and fully Express the intellectual gratitude that I have for the people who teach me, it is something that is nearly overwhelming Allahu Akbar. now I hope that I will be able to express the deep gratitude and appreciation that I will have for a wife and her value and the amount that she enhances my existence. all praise be to Allah. that's just a part of The Upside I've gone on and on and given you so much to think about. I hope that I haven't scared you off and that we can communicate and build something. but if not, I understand and I have no ill feelings. may Allah keep you and protect you, Ameen
Hamzah
